to want to pay off the mortgage instead?

[onnwt]

I was gifted 100k last year. Dd is due to start school in a year. My parents (who gifted the money) are ‘very sad’ I’ve decided to use the money to pay off half the remaining mortgage instead of towards school fees.

They said they assumed I would keep the money until she started secondary (and presumably add to it between now and then) or I would use 10k a year from the 100k and spend my own income on the rest of the fees per year if she was to start age 5. They’ve said I can do what I want with it but they ‘assumed I wanted dd to have the best opportunity in life.’

My outstanding mortgage is 208k. I would love to pay it off to under 100k as I would then realistically be mortgage free by 45 (I’m 32). I’m now second guessing myself as I do have a healthy income and could feasibly just pay the fees from income alone. I wanted to enjoy life though. For context state schools round here aren’t they best but aren’t the worst either. I’m now feeling like a shit mum and also even worse as DS’s dad has zero interest so this decision totally rests on me. WWYD?

Don't you just love a gift given with one hand and taken back with another.
Do what you want to do op pay off mortgage and get a great tutor? Any extra curricular sport / activities she wants

@Maytorain @Maytorain I could try but the pressure to do that on my own feels huge. I’m already hanging on by a thread trying to balance everything. I don’t know if I will be in a lesser paid job in future, who knows. I feel really sad today, I can’t do anything right.

I wouldn't put my child in private school even if I could afford it. So it's really a question if you want that for your daughter? It's not straight forward that a private education is better than a state one, in terms of grades or becoming a well rounded person. I do think your parents are being controlled and patronising implying you aren't doing what's best for your child.

I’d check with your mortgage provided that you can pay off that much in a lump sum, Mine will only let you pay off 10% in a year in a lump sum.

That's if you are in a fixed-rate deal. Once you are out of that you can pay off as much as you like.

It sounds like your parents are a bit controlling, OP. Maybe have a look at the stately homes threads? Research FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

Your desire to create a stable home environment for your child is no bad thing.

pay off the mortgage.
My kids both graduated with first class honours degrees from Russell Group uni's- they didnt have a private education

If you're sensible with money, you could pay off the half of remaining mortgage, this would reduce the amount you are repaying to the bank (sorry forgot the terminology, but you gt ny drift). Perhaps explain to your parents that you and daughter will have more money left over that way.

Your child will be happier in a state school with a secure roof over her head than at private school where her mum is stressed and struggling to pay the fees, likely in excess of the 100K gifted, and the mortgage. Rates are variable. We've seen that recently. Do what puts you in a better position now, so you may be able to afford it in future.

Even were I not pathologically opposed to private education (I am), I would still be advocating using it to pay down the mortgage. Pity your parents didn’t make that clear from the outset

A 20 year mortgage at 5% doubles what you pay back so 400k not 200k, using this 100k to pay off your mortgage essentially doubles its value. Even more so if you pay a lot more down in the next 5 years. I think you’re being really sensible.

Pay off the mortgage. When secondary school comes round, assess where you are and add it to the mortgage again at that point if it feels right.

Spot on. Get that mortgage down. It means financial freedom in a few years. Then with the money you save u can pay for private secondary if you want. I wouldn't waste the money on a private primary school. There are lots of good state primaries.
With inflation the money value will shrink in the bank. The money in the house will more than hold it's value and grow.
I would absolutely do what you did.

In your position I'd pay off the mortgage

Pay off the mortgage and save for uni.

I think mortgage. If she's bright she'll do well without private school. If she isn't then maybe get some tutoring. I am a little anti private school though. The mortgage being repaid sooner will give you more financial freedom

Everyone nowadays lives off credit. I agree with you. Extracurriculars, holidays and different experiences are more important. Nowadays going to private doesn't automatically give you advantage when you apply to university. You are sensible op!

Sorry if I'm not fully understand how these things work but why not use half for schooling and pay the 10% extra as an overpayment you can pay for your mortgage per year and do that for the next 5 years for example then both parents and yourself would be happy. The overpayment might make more sense financially because any overpayments are directly towards the mortgage rather than the interest.

Your parents have done a big number on you, turned you into a people pleaser. Makes you wonder if that's why you chose your ex?

You need confidence in your choices and decisions.

£100k is not enough for private secondary unless you can invest and add to it which you can't! Reducing your mortgage will save you more than what you could save and is the most prudent way forward.

Mortgage free you will be able to afford for her to live while at university with very little debt which would be a good start. In about 13 years when she’d be due to go - also giving her a good start. Either way it benefits your family and not just you. Clubs, tutors, experiences, more kids if that. was the plan for you - the money saved enables you to afford more of those things in the meantime.

I'd offer to give it back to them.
I couldn't be doing with their disappointment hanging over me. All that well of course it's your choice, silly us assuming you'd want the best for your child... Guilt tripping bullshit would affect my relationship with them.

Spot on

It’s your money, to do what you want with it. So no, I don’t think YABU.

I wouldn’t pay the mortgage off though. It’s a fixed relatively low interest outlay. I’d have spoken to a financial adviser about saving/investing. You’d earn more interest than you are paying on your mortgage.

Our local private school is approx £64k for years 1-13. You could pay some off the mortgage and leave the rest for tuition.

If you can afford the tuition fees anyway as you say them just pay the mortgage off and say you're using the money for tuition. Swings and roundabouts.