to want to pay off the mortgage instead?

[onnwt]

I was gifted 100k last year. Dd is due to start school in a year. My parents (who gifted the money) are ‘very sad’ I’ve decided to use the money to pay off half the remaining mortgage instead of towards school fees.

They said they assumed I would keep the money until she started secondary (and presumably add to it between now and then) or I would use 10k a year from the 100k and spend my own income on the rest of the fees per year if she was to start age 5. They’ve said I can do what I want with it but they ‘assumed I wanted dd to have the best opportunity in life.’

My outstanding mortgage is 208k. I would love to pay it off to under 100k as I would then realistically be mortgage free by 45 (I’m 32). I’m now second guessing myself as I do have a healthy income and could feasibly just pay the fees from income alone. I wanted to enjoy life though. For context state schools round here aren’t they best but aren’t the worst either. I’m now feeling like a shit mum and also even worse as DS’s dad has zero interest so this decision totally rests on me. WWYD?

Thanks, to answer a few questions I had been to private school and my mum is saying they made that sacrifice and they assumed I would want the same for dd. I had said in the past I would want that but obviously as a single parent my circumstances have changed! I worry a lot about money and who knows how long my job will last, anything could change. I value the security over the education but now feel conflicted as they have made their opinions clear, even though it’s up to me.

You must have had some idea of why they were giving you the money? No one hands over £100,000 without some conversation.
They made a presumption why did they presume that?

Yes if it's a 'gift' you can do what you want with it. But if you know it's an extremely generous gift meant for a particular purpose important to those that gifted it, it seems extremely self aborbed to ignore their wishes and just do what you want.

You aren't sending a toiletry set to the charity shop, it's £100,000 of their money they want used for education.

I think if you know they don't want you to spend it on the mortgage the best thing to do would be to give it back and say: thank you for the kind gift but I don't want to spend it on school fees so think you should have it back so you can spend it as you wish.

We went private for secondary but then fees were £11k but now they are £18k per annum and when VAT gets added on it will be a scary number to commit.

£100k is not enough even if you just did Yr7 to Yr11. You have to add on transport, lunch, extracurricular, trips, exam fees etc Plus plenty of private students get tutoring as well ( I know as a tutor independent kids every year)

Well yeah but you do it over 3 years..

It wasn't clear you are a single parent. In that case yes the mortgage. If you get injured and unable to work you'll be grateful you did

Doesn’t sound like that at all and undermines real abuse that is control . They key fact that’s missing here is what was said about why it was gifted.

Mortgage, definitely pay off a chunk of the mortgage. It's the first thing I would do if given a chunk of money as a secure home is very important and will allow much more freedom with your income each month (to spend on things like school fees if you so choose).

In your op you said you wanted to enjoy yourself. Even though the schools aren’t good,

As I always trot out in these situations have a look at an offset mortgage. £100K offset against your interest will bring the end term date down and you will still have the original £100K, or pay £50K off and still do an offset mortgage

No I'm not a mortgage broker, but has worked very well for us

Pay the mortgage now and put the money you save on repayments away towards private school when DD gets to secondary. Then you can see what the right decision is at the time.

For those saying OP should do this or do that, have a think on. If i handed over a large chunk of money, intended for a specific purpose and it was used for something else....... i may just decide that is the end of giving any further financial support. As i have repeatedly said, its down to what the GP communicated to the OP.

How would the OP feel if the GP just changed their will to give everything to their GD as they may feel GC is being short changed in all of this and OP cant be trusted to ensure the childs best interests.

If they have enough money to gift £100k the final inheritance is going to be much much more.

I'd pay off the (ideally offset) mortgage and build up savings over the next X years until secondary age so I could pay for private education then if I still wanted to.

I’d be very disappointed if I gifted 100k for schooling and my child used it for their mortgage so they could enjoy themselves and stated in a Blase manner the schools here are not very good. I’d be furious/

They could have just paid the school fees every month. I think I would choose smaller mortgage over private school. Perhaps compromise and consider private school for secondary if you can afford to? As smaller classes and different opportunities.

Did they say the money was for your childs education BEFORE or after gifting you £100k

Will you enjoy it op. You said that’s why you did it. So you could enjoy yourself, will you enjoy it knowing you’re spending your kids education money ?

I think there's a kind of certainty in paying off a chunk of the mortgage, it is crystal clear and incontrovertible in terms of what it will do for your finances, security etc. Paying for private education carries no such certainties- your child could hate it, she might not get anything out of it beyond what she would get in state education, she might even be worse off (I've a friend who actually regrets the money spent on private education, she feels its turned her children into somewhat entitled brats). So on balance, I would certainly pay off the mortgage earlier but maybe try and save at least a chunk of that additional income every month so youll have choices when the time comes for your daughter to go to secondary. I also got a similar amount from my parents. I'm in rural reland so private school just isnt really an option but I chose to pay off my mortgage and then save for the children's college education from salary. As with the private school, they may never go but I have the feeling of security of owning my own home. That's good for all of us.

Clearly before. Irrelevant of what she says now. If it was after she’d be all,over that.

I think i have made similar noises on repeated occasions already. The issue is did they make it clear before they gifted the OP the money.

unless you can comfortably fund independent education on your salary it’s not worth the stress

why not say you will use to to fund her university fees instead?

OP needs to confirm that. She just referred to a further conversation about their presumption of her using it.

Do you not think if this came as a massive surprise she’d have said, cmon now.

You'll save a lot more money by paying off a big chunk of the mortgage and thus avoiding interest than you will in a savings account, so whether or not you choose private secondary education it's a better use of money to put it towards the mortgage.

They have no idea what your DD is going to be like at 11, private school might be her worst nightmare.

To me there is nothing like being mortgage free, it's one of the best feelings in the world, knowing that no one can take the roof from over your head, so I would pay down the mortgage as much as I possibly could. If you are financially able to pay for your child's education anyway, what real difference does it make? Pay down the mortgage now, and enjoy knowing that you've saved a fortune on interest.

If you pay a chunk off your mortgage you may have sufficient income to pay school fees as well, particularly for secondary. If you spend the money on school fees will you be disciplined enough to make extra payments towards your mortgage to pay it off early?