help me live a lovely single life

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm 50 soon, abandoning OLD as a bad job and leaving it up to the Gods of Fate. I'm financially secure, got lovely friends, probably need to develop my going out social life a little more with Meetup app etc
If you are fabulously single and enjoying it person- tell me all your hints, tips and tricks or just fill this thread with solidarity (I can swing into fear of loneliness quite easily especially when I am tired)
How can my life be great?

You can do what you want, when you want. Your house and the fridge contents remain exactly as you left them. There is no one sitting in a chair watching you do all the house jobs. No one wakes you up snoring.
Every now and again I think it might be nice having a partner, then I remember the above and know how lucky I am!

You can be spontaneous and go away for a last minute weekend. You can ignore the cooking / housework if you want and read a good book / binge watch on Netflix without having a disagreement about the remote control and what to watch. If you just want a yoghurt and piece of toast for your evening meal you can. You can stay out for that “one more drink” after work and not be moaned at if you are late home 🙂

I’m , no interest in dating . I’d suggest doing one thing a month you wouldn’t usually do, a class, an exhibition, a lecture, visit somewhere off the beaten track. Lots of stuff is free.

its expensive to be single. Ensure that you have all the best deals on bills.

It’s fabulous being single in your 50s, you can have such a fun time.

ooh I really like this idea - I think this is what I need, a sort of blueprint of how to have an exciting life
I don't have social media so I need to find where to look to find out about the exhibitions, galleries etc.

After two husbands I am NEVER not being single again.

I might take a lover on an occasional basis but they aren't staying over.

I do have a small child to consider, but it's awesome that it's just us and we can do what we want, when we want.

I have overhauled my finances (Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover!!) and am loving being in control for once. My house is a massive project (aka was falling to pieces when I bought it) but everything in it is now mine and my concern.

If I had more disposable income and no dependents I'd be booking lots of exotic mini breaks and finding what makes me happy and doing it. Exercise, creativity, whatever. And yes to toast for dinner and not having to accommodate some bloke's preferences.

Create a life that you do not need a vacation from. Whatever that looks like to you.
Start with being authentically you personally and build from there.

After 2 failed marriages that devastated me, and bringing up 5 children alone I am most definitely happy single. The children have all left home, I have had a worthwhile professional job that I loved and have been able to save and pay off the mortgage. Recently taken early retirement and plan exciting pursuits and holidays. I love living alone, I choose what to watch on the TV, where I go, what I do and who with and don’t have to answer to anyone. I don’t have to think about catering for another person and if I want to eat porridge or toast for dinner I can. I can decorate the house to my taste and n9 one is nagging me to do things. Bliss

I love this!

Total freedom. I got divorced 10 years ago & fully intend on staying single for life.

I WFH, so I make sure I get out & see people every day - gym before work some mornings, yoga one evening a week, Italian class another evening & fostering for the local cat rescue, which means I’ve nearly always got furry lodgers.

I’m working my way through a new veggie cookbook at weekends & freezing the extra portions, which means I usually have healthy, interesting food to eat & also have a decent repertoire for when I host friends.

There will always be some idiots who say they’re sorry for you because they don’t have the imagination to see that being single can be a positive thing. Ignore them.

Create a life that you do not need a vacation from

WOW this has for some reason hit me really hard. Hello new life motto!!!

I am in my 50’s and single after divorcing and a failed relationship after, I finally came to the conclusion that we are conditioned to think that we need to be part of a couple and that conditioning his hard to escape from, I realised that men had not added much value in my life.

Since becoming single about 4 years ago I have.

Joined a gym
lost 2 Stone
Joined a walking club - great for fitness and the outdoors.
Learnt how to paddle board
Got myself a lovely dog who gives me all the cuddles I need!
changed my career
bought a house on my own and decorated it exactly how I wanted it.
Been on holidays with other solo travellers.
Joined a singing group
Joined a Theatre group.

London is a good starting point for solo holidays as so much to see and do. I book an air bnb apartment for a week and then go wandering around galleries etc.

The only thing I do still find a little uncomfortable is eating out on my own - Not sure why.

Dont miss having a man around at all. Not had sex for 4 years now and don’t miss it at all. Wouldn’t be bothered if I never have it again!

Taking a small hint from your user name, enjoy the fact that there is no-one to tell you that you need to buy more yarn. And you can spend as long as you want crocheting!

The other one I use is........

If it enhances my life, Keep. If it doesn't. Let go.

Not having to share a bathroom was a revelation which I would find very difficult to walk back from!

I'm autistic and this has affected me more and more as I've aged. Realising that you don't have to comply with societal norms is fantastic having spent a lifetime feeling guilty for preferring my own company, dining out or going to the cinema solo and having a small circle of friends.

I am much happier now than I have ever been in a relationship. Sure, if the right person happened to appear I might reassess but I'm certainly not looking for it and past experiences have left me with serious trust issues.

you might need to be my new life coach!

I've specifically requested the Gods of Fate to do nothing under any circs that would change my single status 🙂

Tips for serenity include having small furry pets, watching videos of other middle aged women who keep unfeasibly large numbers of said pets, making a shortlist of your passions and interests and doing all or most of them.

It's fab.

To be perfectly honest, there's a part of me that misses my perpetually single life. Just being responsible for me myself and I. I'd focus on doing anything and everything you want to do, when you want to do it.

The local council gym ours is filled with retired ladies and they have a social group and hog all the places in yoga and Pilates 😅

also get regular massages 😍 the thing I miss most about being single and having spare time

Definitely a pet if that appeals. I have 2 cats and at the weekends when we're all lounging on my (our) bed, I think to myself no way would I swap them for a man 😂They fulfil the part of me that would otherwise miss some kind of affection.

No one either making mess or being obsessively tidy. I'm generally tidy but can equally say things like sod the dishes, I'll do them tomorrow. So I'd need someone on the same wavelength which I don't think is easy. As pp's have said, eating what I want, when I want.

I like that any effort I do make on my clothing or hair etc is just for me, especially as I am quite low effort! I'm not trying to impress or keep a man interested.

And yes to the freedom of being able to do what you want, with no one else to consider.

I'm in my 50s and I realised that what I wanted (originally) at this stage of my life was to be with someone I'd already been married to for 20 years or so. Where we're already comfortable with each other. Where we've built a life together and have had shared goals and have a similar vision of the future. I don't want a "boyfriend" who I share no history with, who I don't know anything about. I don't find dating "fun", I find it soul destroying quite honestly, especially OLD. I'm not 100% closed off to meeting someone, but I won't be looking and they'd have to be pretty bloody special to make me want to give up all the positives of being single.

You can become your own best friend/partner. No more feeling like you're not as interesting/important as their phone, their friends, their other activities. You can do what's right for you and being super kind to yourself (i.e. do what you like, when you like!). I find single life much more spontaneous and exciting than being in a relationship. I never let myself down and I always buy myself fabulous gifts!

My advice would be, to feel the fear and do it anyway. To travel, if anywhere interests you. To gradually build boundaries and filter out people who aren't a net positive in your life. To self-care in any capacity without feeling even so much as a hint of feeling selfish! To fill the freezer with batch cooked healthy stuff so you're free to be flexible in daily life.

I'd also have a sensible pet for companionship, although they can also tie you down when it comes to travelling etc. And do as I please regarding appearance, food habits, sleep habits.. (I'm single and I already do a lot of these).

embrace spontaneity

when you are doing things by yourself, there is no need to plan it around someone else's schedule

go out for dinner, go on solo trips or anything else you enjoy... stop worrying about what other people think

There is no one next to you farting This sounds really childish but this is the joy of my life - my ex was stinking at night.
You don't have to deal with his extended family – his obnoxious brother in law, his bitchy sister, or his loud, spoiled, rude, badly behaved nieces and nephews
This I miss, being part of a big family
I'm in my 50s and I realised that what I wanted (originally) at this stage of my life was to be with someone I'd already been married to for 20 years or so
God, this sums me up!

I think I need a clearer plan for my self gifting! I could lean into that...