help me live a lovely single life

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm 50 soon, abandoning OLD as a bad job and leaving it up to the Gods of Fate. I'm financially secure, got lovely friends, probably need to develop my going out social life a little more with Meetup app etc
If you are fabulously single and enjoying it person- tell me all your hints, tips and tricks or just fill this thread with solidarity (I can swing into fear of loneliness quite easily especially when I am tired)
How can my life be great?

Explore what brings you pleasure in the quieter periods - a lot of 'best single life' stuff is understandably predicated on the freedom to travel, learn pottery, fight a bear etc, but I think some of the best times can come when you have time alone. For example - I'm currently sitting with my cat and a very good book, cooking the delicious dinner I want to eat, in the house I've decorated to my own designs; I may go to the cinema later, I may not; I have lovely plans for the coming weeks (including, yes, dates); but this moment of having everything as I want it now, for me, is so delicious.

I love being single. I hardly ever shave, I basically do what I want. No one else there to annoy me or stress me out, no abuse.

I've been unsuccessful in finding someone who meets up to my (realistic) standards. So I've decided to be my own love of my life. This has washed over me a great sense of peace and contentment.

I was younger than you but hopefully still relevant, I bought myself flowers, really beautiful ones from the florist every single week. I would look at them all week in pride of place, and feel valued and cared for, a reminder I did not need a man to do this for me.

I made the most wonderful bed, and would surround it with brilliant books that I could read for hours/days uninterrupted if I wanted to.

My meal times were spontaneous and not fixed, and occasionally I had dinner for one in the restaurant with a cocktail. I find Italian restaurants are so welcoming of single women 😉

Getting a dog was a game changer and kind of filled that coming home space for me. We became a double act and she was my best friend.

I threw a party for my girlfriends regularly. I had plenty of time to plan and organise them, so I did. If you want to expand your circles and you may not, but if you do always add a plus one to meet new people. It is so simple and easy.

I always planned Christmas, birthdays, Easter and bank holidays well in advance. Hopefully you have a loving family but if you don't, get on the front foot and always plan ahead so you are not bereft when everyone else is celebrating and you are not.

Embrace your new relationship - the most important one you will ever have, the one you have with yourself.

I had a recent solo holiday where I did exactly what I pleased. Jetlag really hit me but instead of fighting it I embraced being awake at 0345 and watching the sunrise/city wake up from my hotel window, one morning I went down to the river to watch it. I got out of bed when I wanted, got back into bed when I wanted. Sacked off dinners out because of the jetlag and ate whenever I felt like it. Went wherever I wanted, didn't go wherever I didn't want to go. Went to museums, parks, shops, a show. I'm not putting it into words well but just that small act of not lying there trying to get back to sleep at 4am for fear of disturbing someone else... it was great. Lean into that.

For gifts I reckon you can do it a few ways. Either buy yourself stuff well in advance and wrap it as soon as you've bought it so your memory is a little hazy by the time the day comes round, or choose a shortlist and ask a friend to pick from it using your credit card. Or spend say Christmas eve on a fabulously indulgent shopping trip buying your treats and enjoying them straight away.

I buy myself flowers, really nice products, stay in really lovely hotels every 12 weeks for a weekend in the UK, have massages, have two hobbies, one indoor and one outdoor so I have something to do whatever the time of year, both sociable.

I’ve been alone since my divorce eight years ago. Have never been interested in finding another relationship. I’ve had my house decorated as I want it, garden landscaped how I want it.

I buy myself something nice most months, dress, earrings, something from an art gallery locally.

Beautiful bedsheets (always had these but they now remain pristine), TV in my bedroom 😱 which would have been frowned on, I probably watch it once a month if that but bought it when I was really unwell for a few months and I love the fact that its there if I want to watch something in bed.

Eat tons of fish and whatever I like.

I could do with being a bit more sociable I guess, but I quite like a quiet night in/often feel peopled out at the end of the working week. I tend to see one of my three really good mates once a week which is ok.

Am thinking of getting half an allotment about 500 yards from my house to grow flowers only on, I expect that to be a bit sociable.

I always buy myself really nice things for Christmas and my birthday and have them wrapped.

I can’t ever imagine meeting anyone that I think is worth changing my single status for.

You don’t have to deamonise relationships to make being single something to be happy about (and if you do maybe it’s not so great after all).

Tell me about your solo camping please ?

was it wild camping or planned sites .
did you camp cook to go to pubs ?

Id love to do this

Just place marking to read and comment later.

Eat what you want when you want, fancy curry for breakfast? Go for it.

As pp said mini breaks just for the hell of it .

the tv remote is always yours

sing as loud as you want

get a pet ( tho that curtails the mini breaks)

things stay where you put them.

no waiting around for others to get ready

Occasionally i miss the company , just someone to natter to at the end of a work day and someone to scratch that itch in the middle of my back , but thats what phones and door frames are for !

you are not the only one thinking about this subject 🙂

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5031100-a-true-definition-of-single-and-why-it-kicks-ass?page=1

Not RTFT but as someone who is 'single' (I have a LDR 'partner' but I see rarely and I live alone) I will say be cautious about pets. They do stop you from being able to do a lot of other things Ive seen mentioned in this thread, at least without a lot of prior organisation that is, nipping off for the weekend, staying out for late drinks, being spontaneous, going to London for the week etc et etc.

I have a huge dog who I adore-she makes me feel safer at home alone, she means I can visit friends/go to my lovely local pub at night and not be afraid to walk home after a few too many s wine, means I get conversation out of strangers all the time and she keeps me fit. However I can't just decide to go away for the weekend, or stay over somewhere spontaneouisly or even go out for the whole day, without provisions in place for her.

I've just packed her off to my ex's on the train (with ex, obviously!) because I am away for the weekend this weekend-but this means that I have to pick her up which makes my journey back more than twice as long a drive.

Obviously a dog is more tying than a hamster whom you could just leave food for for a couple of days, or even a cat whom the neighbour might be happy to see to. Worth thinking about though.

How tone deaf and self absorbed some people are. OP doesn't want to know that if she found someone she would be happy with...then she would be happy with them. FGS. Luckily there haven't been any saying 'I love my husband but if anything happened, I'd stay single' yet. Those are pointlessly tedious!

I've had a marriage and several long term relationships but I have never been with someone who hasn't either abused or cheated on me. So I agree with the previous poster about relaxing...I always thought I was unable to nap, to over sleep or to just sit with myself. Turns out I can when not worrying or stressing about a man. It's awesome...no questioning or attempting to decode or rationalise their mood or behaviour. Yes, if I had a nice man, that would not apply, but I don't.

I still have school age dc so not everything is easy going and without compromise but not having to consult a partner about anything is the best. Sometimes it's a burden and it's scary (household/money type stuff) but it's so much better than the alternative.

I used to be envious of couples/families I'd see on days out/holidays but no more.

No compromise.

@Imbusytodaysorry Not wild camping but it was a tiny site with just a few pitches, a shower and a couple of composting toilets. I had the place to myself. I’d had lunch out at a pub each day and then just had snacks and wine back at my tent in the evening. Obviously there was a fry up for breakfast each morning but no cooking other than that. You should try it!

I wouldn’t have another dog on my own after decades of being a dog owner. @Afternoonteavirgin is right, very tying. I’ve got two cats, I leave them in the house for one night away, anymore than that and they go to the cattery. Very manageable as a single person.

Freshly single and this thread is SO uplifting, thank you for starting it! My first two single decisions were -

booked a week in Iceland driving around in a camper van on my own (he hated camping/driving/anything I regarded as fun)

booked to get my nipples pierced in August 😳😬 always wanted to but put it off as they need a while to heal, and pawing ex wanted access to them at all times 🤮

feel like I’m jumping right into the deep end somewhat but it’s fuelled by anger so I'm leaning into it!

Wow! Good luck with both.

I ate fajitas for breakfast this morning.

Nasty and uncalled for when you read the posts on here.
This is not your thread, leave us to it and move on.

Love Threads like this. Thanks, op. 5 years on my own now after a long marriage and I have no desire to be in a relationship again - 50 now. Have a dog which although is restrictive is great company. I’m content. I often treat myself and appreciate not having to compromise or put up with shit.

I find this works for me OP 👍, anyway, back to this fabulous celebration.

I was thinking about this thread as I was drying my hair. I think my biggest tip would be to make sure you have something to do or somewhere to go in the winter.

For instance, one of my hobbies is very outdoors, but I’m no longer up for it in the driving rain or winter cold. So in the winter I go to the gym/pool/spa more. If I’ve got a weekend with nothing to do or no one to meet I’ll spend four/five hours at the gym one day. Not actually gymming but I might gym for 45 mins, swim for the same and then read my book with a coffee or lunch. I’d be lost without it in the winter.

I’m so glad this came up on here tonight for me. In divorce-mode, late 40s, 2 school age kids. Am wondering how to start again after so long in couple-dom. I hope to be okay financially, but worried about just letting work consume my life because there’ll be nothing else to do and if I pester my friends to see them, will I be imposing? I have plans for gym, yoga, my home as I want it, not cleaning up after others all the time, but I’m a really social person and I seem to desperately need the attention of others to feel valid, so being alone with myself is daunting. Learning to like that. I remind myself that that was where I was when I met my STBXH, though. Finally happy and content being single. I could do that again. And you’re all inspiring me how.

I’d really recommend finding somewhere to volunteer if you can, @Muffintop101. It gives you a real sense of achievement as well as getting you out & meeting more people.

I think volunteering is a good call. I wouldn’t want to do it atm with a full on job as I feel like need my weekends free to get over the week/do my hobby or even do absolutely nothing if that’s how I feel.

It is something I plan on doing in retirement but it’s a commitment isn’t it and I quite like being able to please myself in my limited free time right now.

Same age as you OP, have been single for decades despite best efforts, but now at peace with it.

My tips are to make your life exactly as you wish it to be. Vaguely interested in something new? Follow that thread and see where it leads you. I was interested in doing 'something creative' that eventually led to being an artist. I honestly don't know if I'd done that if I'd been coupled up.

Same goes for unusual places I have visited on holiday, books read, people met. You have the freedom to do exactly what you want, and the space to explore it.

I make sure I see someone face to face at least once a week, preferably twice, for either socialising or work. I'm pretty introverted so that's enough for my sanity, I've got no wish for a packed schedule of socialising, gym, volunteering etc.

I do have a cat, which is a mixed blessing. I love having her around, but it does curb some of the things I want to do.

Agreed! In those kind of moments I really feel how lucky I am.