help me live a lovely single life

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm 50 soon, abandoning OLD as a bad job and leaving it up to the Gods of Fate. I'm financially secure, got lovely friends, probably need to develop my going out social life a little more with Meetup app etc
If you are fabulously single and enjoying it person- tell me all your hints, tips and tricks or just fill this thread with solidarity (I can swing into fear of loneliness quite easily especially when I am tired)
How can my life be great?

I have plans to sit down with this thread and a coffee later and make all my plans and lists

I make sure I see someone face to face at least once a week, preferably twice, for either socialising or work. I'm pretty introverted so that's enough for my sanity, I've got no wish for a packed schedule of socialising, gym, volunteering etc.

And isn’t it wonderful to have the choice!

I came out of a 20+ years long marriage a couple of years ago, tried dating but ended up despising every man I met (why do they have to be so inadequate) so I have now come off all apps and turn down every invite I get when I'm out. It's very liberating and the longer I am without a man the more I want to continue being without a man.

I have thrown myself into making lots of friends instead and it has worked out great for me. My life is so full of love from them and my grown children that I really couldn't fit anyone else in even if I wanted to. I also have a dog so I already have someone who gets me out on a walk three times a day, who is over the moon when I come home, who will snuggle on the sofa in the evenings etc. There is simply no space or want for a man.

There is another good thread on this subject though if you need more inspiration, let me see if I can find it.

Found it: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5089044-to-think-being-single-is-amazing?page=8&reply=136880811

You can do what you want. That’s the main advantage really.

Absolutely! I think volunteering will have a place in my future, but not at the moment.

"A life you do not need a vacation from" - I love this!

I'm alone for the first time in my life at sixty. Never partnered (never wanted to be) but finances mean my mother and I always had to live together. Now she's in care and I'm in a retirement village, and thoroughly enjoying life. I go to knitting groups a couple of days a week, gym once (got to keep that arthritis in check) and am sporadically looking for part-time work to boost the income. At home I have the company of my darling cats. I have no particular wish to go anywhere else, even for day trips. I am, for the first time, content.

This book is a bit old but I found it inspiring many years ago

It’s worth joining Instagram just for this — I don’t post or follow anyone I know, I just use it for following arts organisations/galleries/festivals etc to see forthcoming events. Event rite is also useful for this - you can look up events close to you.

I don’t know where you are, @crochetmonkey74, but after I split from my ex a friend gave me a book of 365 things to do in London. I picked one every week & ticked them off, it gave me a focus & meant I always had something planned for the weekend.

@nervoussubject could you tell me how exactly you use insta for that? I've got it but I'm not sure exactly how it works.

Me too - does anyone else go on dating apps for 24-48 and then delete them because they’re so depressing?

@crochetmonkey74 - welcome to the best kept secret ever! Solo life for me is unapologetic, joyful freedom with no compromises. You can do anything you want without having to consider anyone else - whether that is dramatic changes or just small things, or both.

The most life-changing part of choosing lifelong singlehood (at 28 after two excellent relationships, and I'm approaching 39 now) for me is living on my own timetable rather than society's normal one - on work days I'm not actually with clients, I get up about 10/11am, feed the cats, journal and read for a couple of hours, then get ready and head out to my studio for about 1/2pm. Work till about 8, with a break to wander by the river, and then home for dinner and more reading, and bed between 2 and 4am. There is absolutely no way I could have done this with a partner as I'd never see them! And the risk of self employment was mine alone, so yes, there's no backup support but there's also no one I'm responsible for financially. Except the cats and their extortionate food 😂

Days off are endlessly different depending on what I feel like, and I've also been able to choose to be much more involved with caring for my Gran along with Mum who does the bulk of it, while the rest of the family runs around partners and children instead.

The other small but very satisfying thing about solo life is how excited everyone always is when they see the inside of my home and studio - and my friends with partners, even the lovely ones I know well & am friends with too, always say they wish they had free rein to decorate just for them, even down to ridiculous bedding choices.

As a previous poster said, I've made a life I don't need a holiday from and it is glorious - and so much more fulfilling to me than when I was with either partner, even tho they were lovely men and I am still friends with them both.

I'd also massively recommend looking up Bella DePaulo's work, she researches single at heart people and has written some amazing books and articles about it too.

Being able to spend money on whatever you want with no one else's opinion being relevant.
Not spending lots of money on things they want and you would rather not do but end up paying half for.

@hilariousnamehere

Great post.

Believing that happiness is a goal that has to be achieved is the propaganda spewed out by the societal masses. That there is a path leading to a promised land. Regurgitated constantly through the various controlled outlets.
Happiness is the path. Doing what makes you happy without fear of judgement every moment of everyday. The freedom to choose to make the day how I want it to be.

Forgot to add.

Stop worshiping the teapot and start drinking the tea!

It puts me in mind of all the job ads that want applicants to be passionate. It's a job, ffs. I don't get passionate about jobs (or anything, these days). I want contentment, and at present am enjoying that.

@hilariousnamehere what an absolute dream life you have! I thought I had formed my ideal life, now I want yours😂

Aw thank you! I am still chronically overwhelmed and often panic about money, but those things aren't because of being single 😂 thank you though, and the OP - I've worked really hard to make the life I dreamed of and it was actually really nice to step back and look at it objectively 💙

Thanks! And that's also made me think of another book recommendation, OP if you're a reader have a look at Gretchen Rubin's work. In one of her books she says some of the things that make us happy aren't always happy in the moment - I've probably mangled that, but it's a good thing to know. Stuff like the batch cooking a pp mentioned, might be boring to do but is an excellent payoff later on!

God yes. I don’t like housework especially but I love how much better the flat looks once I’ve done it.

Thank you for this post @crochetmonkey74.

My H left suddenly and unexpectedly last year and unsurprisingly it was brutally painful and confusing for me and DS (17). Everything I thought I knew was turned upside down and inside out. I'd been very happily married .

Fast forward 12 months and I am thriving in a totally unexpected way. The freedom is immense.

Freedom from expectation, judgement and convention. Freedom to be myself in all my imperfect glory. Freedom to do what I love, often pretty badly.

My friends have been wonderful, I am so lucky to have them.

I don't yet have much advise to contribute towards the thread as the positives of a single life have only just begun to unfold for me. However, I can offer reassurance that even for someone like me whose intention was never to be single, I have found immense joy from it and am thriving.

I’m so glad it’s working out for you, @Wishitwasstraightforward.

I love this

I am 60 work full time and have not had a live with partner for around 15 years
I am lucky to have a few good female friends and wonderful adult DC who live fairly close
I like to have a bit of a structure so generally see friends 1-2 nights a week, swim/gym another, diet club another, food shop another, leaves me a couple of quiet nights in
Mixture of lone holidays and breaks with friends or family, at weekends I usually have a day out somewhere whether that be a museum, art gallery or just another town or city to visit - stopping for coffee or lunch with a good book
Love Dcat more than most men I’ve come across!
I’m never bored - read, YouTube, do jigsaws, knit, crochet etc
House is always tidy and that means housework doesn’t take long on a Sunday evening
The biggest chore for me is I hate gardening and struggling to keep up with it due to health, but just need to find a good gardener/handyman