DD 4 and a half constantly repeating her desires on holiday

[napkinbear]

It's just constant. From the moment she wakes up it's ' I want to go to the pool ' the moment we hey outside, it's I'm hot or 'I want to buy goggles'.

We've been up for 30 minutes and she's already asked to go to the pool 100 times maybe.

She has other stuff she can do, toys, iPad, drawing stuff, TV. But she just repeats and repeats and repeats what she wants and I keep explaining, we are getting ready now, having breakfast and we will go after that etc. but she just won't asking every 30 seconds.

Eventually I snap sometimes and it feels mean. She still continues to ask though anyway, after maybe a 5 minute break. It's annoying.

What can be done ? Is this just normal for her age ?

Ah you say that now @Maraudingmarauders , how old is your DC? If you have one younger DC then 4yos probably seem practically grown but really they're very young, and very much in that preschooler frame of mind.

As many of us have said, it's developmentally normal for a 4yo to carry on like this. Not fun to listen to, and yes as parents it's our job to train them out of it, but that's not the work of a moment.

Threatening taking away such a big thing as going in the swimming pool on holiday for very normal if annoying behaviour would be wildly overreacting. Other consequences are available.

@CelesteCunningham lots of experience with young children. A 4yr old with no SEN is perfectly capable of understanding that if she keeps repeating, despite being asked not to, that there will be consequences for that. Then the consequences have to be real and visual. I'm not saying no pool at all for the rest of the holiday, but incessantly asking and not listening to a request to stop asking is enough to warrant a delay of half a day. We do our kids a disservice by not providing boundaries, and helping them to understand how to behave in polite society. They understand much more than people give them credit for.

Fully agree that they have to learn, but taking away a half day in the pool (i.e. the greatest thing in the world to a 4yo) for very normal if annoying behaviour is a huge overreaction.

Presumably OP would have to supervise her young DD in the pool. Which she can't do while making breakfast.

She’s little and excited, she’s also out of routine. They don’t work to times or understand time and they want it immediately. My youngest was like this, a proper water baby. We started making a big deal of getting up and packing our day bag with his help, bigged up eating a good breakfast with all of his favourites so he had lots of energy to swim and play in the pool. This worked well to slow it all down and make him think about the other things we had to do before pool time. It wasn’t easy but it put a sketchy routine of sorts in place which relaxed him a little. The breakfast thing was great because after a few hours in the pool, he would crash for 2 hours and we had a break. When he woke up he could have pool time then we’d go for dinner. It’s finding a balance they understand and it is hard when they are little and excited. It’s also important to keep boundaries in place when they become demanding from their lack of understanding. Plenty of distraction as tiring and repetitive as it is. My youngest is now 9 and won’t do anything until he’s eaten and will leave out his pool bits the night before so he can literally get up and out for breakfast.

We set Alexa for the grandkids when that alarm goes then so do we 😂

It will be tough, but there have to be consequences for this behaviour, or rewards for not doing so.

My three year old son does this except it’s 6am on a weekend he always wakes up saying ‘ready, outside?’ ‘Suns out’ etc kids are so draining. Even after wearing him out with activities he’ll wake up from a nap and repeat. Exhausting lol

Have some consequences for annoying behavior!

I cannot believe the amount of shit you've got for asking a perfectly reasonable question that many of us navigate as parents!
I see you have said the behaviour has stopped now and without jinxing you if it does start up again I've found putting a countdown on my phone that the DC can see helps (can be tricky if it's not an exact time frame though) or the other option I use is to get them to choose song(s) for Alexa to play and then when the song(s) are done then it's time to do whatever it is she's waited for. You choose the number of songs depending on how long you need and she's distracted having a wee sing and a boogie whilst you crack on doing what needs to be done before you do what she's waiting on

Oh and my eldest DC her speech therapist strongly recommended we bought her a tablet age 3 to help develop her speech, it worked marvellously so they aren't the worst thing in the world (and my God sometimes ya just need technology to parent for 20 mins so you can get a cuppa!)

Enjoy the rest of your holiday

100% normal behaviour for this age.

You sound like a really mean, impatient parent. Why take your child away if you aren’t willing to engage with them properly and let them enjoy themselves.

Have you RTFT? Even just OP's posts? Honestly.

@lou123456789

lol have you been having a couple of early wines?

Sadly no, I am being sarcastic though🤣

Yes it's annoying but I totally understand. Nothing more exciting than the pool! My husband and I took turns - after breakfast! - but then one of us would go for a first swim with the children while the other put away breakfast stuff and/or did something for themselves like a walk or reading a bit. We never spent the whole day at the pool, did fun things in between like visiting a nice place, eating out or shopping. When we came back in the afternoon the pool.was still there 😉

Might have been mentioned but a timetable with Now-Next-Later activities can be useful. Mark those on for the day, talk it through, then when she keeps asking say 'I know you're excited for what we're doing today, and you can check on your board, remember?' in a calm, happy story voice (for want of a better term). Her emotional right brain is getting excited, engaging her left brain in this way can help.

By using the phrase 'i would like'. Children constantly saying i want i want is awful, so demanding. I find it depressing now how many parents dont see how rude it is!!!

Honestly, I am with you OP, this brings back PTSD of when my kid was little.

The constant repeating. Oh my god. Constant....fucking...repeating

It never stopped. I tried everything, gentle parenting, getting angry - and even saying - 'if you ask more than twice, the thing is removed'.... ie. we wont be going to the pool that day at all' - because it comes past the point that they aren't repeating, they are pestering the actual fyck out of you. It is a real head fuck when it is constant

It isn't a holiday at all!

One holiday was so bad we came home early because I was so stressed from being pestered from the moment they opened their eyes until bedtime

I do not know the answer, but this is exactly why I just had one kid, as they are hard work. And people will shy away from this truth and pretend it is all fukin rosy when it is not

I understand why it made you nervous, but I have loved every single moment with my children when they were small (2 children, 22 months apart) and now I love similar moments with my grandchildren (7, nearly 5 and 1+8 months). I guess I just tune(d) out the repetitive asking, although mine or more of the 1 million questions a day 🤪 I had then and have now decided that I can have all the time to myself I want when they're not with me. After a long day travelling, swimming, playing and yes nagging 😉 I bath(ed) the children, put them in bed and then sat/sit ouside with my husband of 42 years enjoying a nice glass of cold rosé. Life is beautiful.

She's out of her routine? She's excited ? She's 5 years old? She's happy and healthy? She has a good vocabulary? All good. What's annoying? Brace yourself for the future!!

Get used to it. My DD’s are 10 and 11 and when we are on holiday it’s constant “I want to go in the pool”. If we go out anywhere for the day sightseeing, “when can we go back, I want to go in the pool”. If we go to the beach “I want to go back and go in the pool”. We tend to book villas with a pool now they are older so if they want to go for a swim at 6am or 9pm then they can just get on with it.

I’m all for an easy life on holiday.

If I was in the Med in a villa with its own pool and a child who wanted to swim at 9am, I would have one adult sit outside on a sun bed at the pool and let the 4 1/2 year old go in the pool with their pool jacket / suit on.

Then the other parent can get the baby ready and bring breakfast out to the pool side for all of them. Or take turns feeding the baby inside if that’s what they want.

The child doesn’t need a shower before they go in the pool, I assume they had a bath / shower last night before bed.

They don’t need breakfast before they go in the pool at 9am, lots of people exercise before breakfast, it’s quite safe.

You don’t need to pack up lots of stuff for the day if you are walking 5 meters from your villa to your own pool.

The child may not stay in long as the water isn’t so warm at that time.

After the half an hour the child will be fed up being on their own in the pool and will come out to eat breakfast.

Id prefer that to a child who is upset and annoying because they are not allowed to go in the pool that’s 5 meters away.

I totally agree! And also, a child who knóws they can go back in the pool whenever they want will be happy to come up from time to time to eat lunch or have an ice-cream and maybe even go for a walk! After all, most of us don't have a pool at home, not a real one that is. So why not enjoy it to the fullest while on holiday? I really don't understand the OP saying her child can do other things like colouring and playing on a tablet. You can do that year-round at home!

@Sennelier1

op is saying her daughter can do those activities whilst they spend half an hour or whatever getting for the day, she isn’t telling her she has to do them all day