DD 4 and a half constantly repeating her desires on holiday

[napkinbear]

It's just constant. From the moment she wakes up it's ' I want to go to the pool ' the moment we hey outside, it's I'm hot or 'I want to buy goggles'.

We've been up for 30 minutes and she's already asked to go to the pool 100 times maybe.

She has other stuff she can do, toys, iPad, drawing stuff, TV. But she just repeats and repeats and repeats what she wants and I keep explaining, we are getting ready now, having breakfast and we will go after that etc. but she just won't asking every 30 seconds.

Eventually I snap sometimes and it feels mean. She still continues to ask though anyway, after maybe a 5 minute break. It's annoying.

What can be done ? Is this just normal for her age ?

Yeah but OP probably needs to sort swimsuits, suncream, toys etc first 🙄

She's four years old.

I have a four year old (and older children). This is normal behaviour. They're somewhere new; somewhere exciting and still have very little concept of time.

Yes, it's frustrating, and yes, sometimes things need to be done before you can do other things, but getting cross, adding extra time etc is a bit unfair on a small child who is just excited.

Making the getting ready part of the fun is how we do it. Getting them to help do breakfast and find the swimming clothes, talking about what you're going to play in the pool, putting a timer on so she has a visual of what time she can go in and so on.

And...just putting up with it and ignoring it.

OP has said this is exactly what she's doing.

Grim, isn't it.

I'm with your dh on this. Nothing empowering about her being vocal and knowing what she wants, do people really see it that way?
So when do you teach them to have patience, doesn't it start with the little things like this?
Or do you say on holiday you don't need to have patience but as soon as we get home it's back to that? I think 4 is the perfect age to start teaching her, although the responses here seem to think she's a baby who isn't capable of understanding a thing.

Maybe attention seeking or needing a reaction (any reaction) as she's in a new place, new routine, perhaps a bit anxious?

I'd answer once then just ignore her. When she stops repeating it, reward her with attention and do one of her activities with her?

I believe it's important to instill discipline early on, before age 5, or it gets much harder. If you give in to repeated nagging or whining they use it every time they don't get their own way. Tell her no when she tries to get you out of the pool to buy goggles! Reinforce being appreciative and grateful, eg over breakfast talk about the plan and how she is to have such nice things to do. If she's anxious perhaps draw the plan on paper with her so she knows what's happening when each day?

@IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie you're the grim one, with very very poor reading compression if you agree that I want my child in front of an iPad and not in the pool.

It's really quite incredible that you think that's what's going on here.

Really?
My teens are ace. They are just typical teens who love a lie in. Even the one that liked waking up at 5am for the first 8 years of her life now will merrily sleep until 10am. We now have them around us all night. My telling them to not whine without talking it through other than a quick "enough or it will be longer" has resulted in 4 fabulous teenagers/adults who we get on brilliantly with.

So you're with flat out just saying no, doing what you want to do, without any consideration for how anyone else feels and just expecting them to 'stop it' because you say so? I don't want to be cooped up waiting around on a bright sunny morning on holiday so I understand why a 4 year old doesn't. Breaking down what needs to be done to get to the fun bit, involving them and engaging in what's exciting them doesn't seem like a bad thing to do to me.
DS has good boundaries and I'm often complimented on his behaviour.

@MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira I read your post and lots of others and I've also tried those tactics - getting her involved, making a game out of it, being empathetic etc and it doesn't really make much difference.

I totally get being excited, she's 4, she's on holiday, there's a pool etc.

I also get your DH's approach and I also get why it doesn't work. I've found myself doing that too. I've basically done everything from all angles really.

I have to say that in conclusion, it's normal behaviour. It can be frustrating for the adult but she needs to be told that' it's not the right approach. Is that what she's going to do when they go on a school field trip next year ? Ask the teacher 600 times when they'll see the sharks if they're going to an aquarium for example ? Is she going to do that in general in class when she doesn't get exactly what she wants ? I know it's normal but she also has to understand that it's not the right approach. It's our job to teach her that and not to pander to her every whim.

She literally had to wait 30 minutes, if that, until we wanted to go to the pool. It's not unreasonable for her to start learning to be patient / impulse control etc. she's going to school in September. She's 4 and a half.

@napkinbear you might find that school and having to follow stricter routine helps, DS is definitely different now than he was last September when he started reception. If you've tried every which way, she knows what the plan is, you just have to tune her out (easier said than done I know). Alternatively get up early sneak down to the pool with your book and let her dad deal with her!

That's good to know thank you. I bet it's also being out of routine and not at home and also maybe she's feeling anxious like another poster said.

She said on the first day that she wants to go to her house and wants her toys, bless her.

She's stopped saying it now.

She's such a little water rat ! Yesterday we went to the beach from around 10 am and came back at 3 and she was then in the pool until 5 ! Before anyone comes at me, she had plenty of breaks out of the sun etc. She absolutely loves it. My two year old- not so much.

He keeps crying and saying he wants to get out. Or today, he didn't want to get in at all - that's a whole other topic I'm trying to navigate.

My ds waits.

I just think there's a time and a place and also a way to respond.

At home ds gets 3 strokes and your out.

Ask once - get your answer - usually "yes at this time"

Ask twice - get your answer "remember is said"

Ask a third time "no". When he says "but you said yes". I answer "but you asked again and gave me a chance to change my mind".

Not so much on holiday though because feelings are running higher and emotions are harder to contain.

Ad homininem argument does not a refutation make.

She was doing all the boring and necessary shit parents have to do in the morning. FFS. You people… 😂

As she was later diagnosed with AuDHD, I was smugly super efficient (having ADHD myself probably helped) - I organised everything the night before knowing that the moment her eyes snapped open, she'd be raring to go, so in this situation, she'd be up, doused in suncream, dressed in swimming costume, shorts, hat and swim shoes, goggles and water in her bag and ready to go by the time I'd necked a coffee and picked up my prepacked bag with everything I needed. Neither of us feel hunger in the mornings, so it always suited us to get on with the massive, exciting thing early (and before the sun got too strong) and then come out for food and shade/aircon later. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I was fairly impervious to the stream of consciousness that she emitted throughout her waking hours, too. It just didn't bother me to have her chattering away with her thoughts, plans, ideas and questions.

She literally had to wait 30 minutes, if that, until we wanted to go to the pool. It's not unreasonable for her to start learning to be patient / impulse control etc. she's going to school in September. She's 4 and a half.

But that feels like hours to a 4 year old. I swear time speeds up when you get older.

Could you take breakfast to the pool? I don't mean in the pool obviously but a picnic while she paddles if there is a paddly bit.

@sashh

op could and then daughter would have to wait while she packed up a picnic. Whichever way op does it , it’s gonna involve some amount of waiting. And that’s ok, that’s life, daughter will be fine!

Exactly. I'm really surprised to see so many people saying it's mean to make a 4yo to wait half an hour to get organised before spending all day doing what they want.

Frustrating but normal kids behaviour on holidays. Also difficult if you've another child who doesn't like the pool & you trying to keep everyone happy.
Op explain & her to wait & try to ignore until a reasonable time -she'll probably calm down as week goes on!
Dh n I used to take turns getting up with young kids on hols least got some break tho often on my turn to lie in I'd just head out for a morning walk for peace!

Exactly. I'm really surprised to see so many people saying it's mean to make a 4yo to wait half an hour to get organised before spending all day doing what they want.

It's incredible.

Happy to report that the behaviour has completely stopped now.

Heaven forbid a child should have to wait for an hour. Honestly what kind of people are we raising here.

It’s not unreasonable to make her wait half an hour, or longer tbh if that’s what it takes/you need. She’s just excited and small children aren’t exactly known for their patience and good grasp on the concept of time! My son does this too, albeit he is younger. I just go into repeat mode too ‘I know darling, you’re very excited but we have to do xyz first. When we’ve done xyz, we can do abc’… it’s repetitive and a bit irritating but y’know they’re learning all the time and I don’t think an excited, enthusiastic child is a bad thing.

'its very worrying that you can't see the difference' 😄. oh come on with the judgey silly comments.

My parents wouldn't have tolerated it, and I won't tolerate it with my son once he's old enough to understand. They can ask once, maybe twice but after that it's "you've already asked and been told we are going after breakfast. Now please wait patiently or play one of your games. I don't want to hear it again". If she keeps doing it, either she's ignored for the first few times and after that it would be cancellation. "Because you wouldn't stop asking even when I politely told you to stop, unfortunately we can't go to the pool anymore this morning. If you can behave nicely this morning we may be able fo go this afternoon instead".
Go and do a different activity, like wandering around the local area or having quiet time in the gardens. It's not nice on holiday, everyone wants to have a good time but it's the only way she will learn and also YOU aren't having a good time with the constant moaning.