to ask if you've achieved the nirvana of not wanting to buy stuff you REALLY don't want

[ClownsFear]

I have really want to buy all of the jellycat fruit and vegetables (these kind of things

https://www.gracegentle.co.uk/collections/jellycat-fruit-vegetables )

and display them in a massive basket. I really want them.

I don't need them and I don't really truly want them. If I bought them I'd waste a huge amount of money. I'd be happy for about a week and then I would just become stressed out by the amount of dust they are collecting.

I frequently feel like this about stuff - not just stuffed toys, but random stationery, ornaments, strange furniture and often stuff posted randomly on MN. For example I saw recently a table shaped like a burger not this but a bit like this:

www.amazon.com/TAUODUYY-Decorative-Modelling-Material-Changing/dp/B0CL2CQTNS

I really wanted to buy it but same thing - know I don't really want it and it would just end up annoying.

I would have hoped by now I'd have grown out of this desire for junk stuff. I think it must be peak adult to not have this.

I suppose I'm better as I tend to resist but I want to rid myself of the urge to buy utter crapulous stuff I don't need.

How do you attain this state?

I have reached this nirvana you talk about, OP.

Having to declutter and downsize from a huge house to a much smaller one after an extremely traumatic marriage and divorce, which included being on the receiving end of (amongst other things) financial abuse, and so getting into debt, cured me of wanting stuff, and made me really value money.

Being debt-free, and spending only on essential items, or experiences, affords me being able to take my children on holiday, and build up savings for a rainy day. This gives me much more joy, a genuine peace of mind, and more meaningful memories than any material thing I could ever buy.

Overtime, this mind-set shift has really gathered momentum, and I now hate shopping of any kind. I'd rather sit in the garden and potter about than go on any on-line shopping site.

It's do-able, definitely, to get rid of the desire to buy things. Maybe put the money you would spend on those insanely cute amusables into a savings account, and then use it to treat you and your family to a lovely day out, or put it towards your holiday fund.

I used to be like you but changed slowly after kids & life became expensive.

Below is how I did it and now I have £10k in savings which would have been spent on useless shit. Similar to how you like collecting things, I like collecting money now & watching it grow instead of junk accummulating dust.

Open two accounts: one 30 day notice savings & one stocks & shares.

Set up a standing order day after pay day for a set amount so you have less money to spend on buying crap.

Remember to save at the start of the month, not at the end of the month when there's not much left over. You automatically adjust your spending during the month if you save this way.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/

You honestly could not pay me to have those in my house.

I'm pretty much there - I don't collect anything, and am happy to declutter and donate (will buy books or jigsaws in charity shops and donate them back again). I like pretty things, but I have enough.

I'm paring down my clothes at the moment - like a PP I had a traumatic divorce and a period of not much money, and I've hung on to some work clothes for too long (due to not having any money to replace them then, but needing to be dressed appropriately for work). Moving all that along now.

I was a bit of a hoarder / buyer of stuff and having recently lost my job and needing some extra income, I sold over 100 things on Vinted - which felt like loads. You cannot tell when you look in the house that any of it has gone and I haven't missed a single item.

That made me realise I have too much stuff and how much money has been wasted on it.

I bought stuff because "it helped to define me" or something. But I'm still me without it. And that memorabilia from my favourite film was not needed.

(Jellycat stuff does well well second hand though 😂).

As least you're asking the question - good luck!

When my mum had to go into a nursing home the stress was incredible. The fact that I also had to travel hundreds of miles the length of the country to clear out her property nearly finished me off. It was exhausting, expensive and emotional. I had to throw endless amounts of, what I considered, absolute crap away. I felt so guilty doing it too.
However, it brought huge clarity to my mind. I've always been fairly minimalistic anyway but for the last year I have been doing the Swedish death cleaning thing. My house is easy to clean and my mind is also much clearer. I'm not totally there yet but I am feeling so much calmer, lighter and peaceful.
I think we all enjoy a few things we consider to be beautiful in our homes but just have a few and then you will enjoy them more too.
I love my family, my cats, nature, eating out and travel. Much better than piles of tat.

My MIL's flat is stuffed full of collections of ornaments, plates, books, crockery, furniture.... it will be a nightmare to clear one day (her cellar was full to the brim of DHs old toys. We discovered it one day when our DC were 5 and 7. Lots were too babyish and went straight away. Unfortunately lots also "had" to come home with us 😡 and I then spent the next weeks, months and years trying to get rid of it).

Anyway, last time we visited I asked her for the history behind lots of her things. I guess I imagined that it would be gifts from friends or souvenirs from trips or special occasions. Nope not at all! Loads just came from catalogues. She didn't even buy it up gradually, just bought the whole collection in one go. Other things came from car boot sales or shops.

She won't go through her stuff at all. DH has no idea of the history behind the stuff. I wanted to know what was "important" I guess. I now have a better idea of a few things to keep (the shells she found in the field with her dad after WW2 for example) and what just really wasn't important even to MIL. A lot of stuff she showed me she didn't remember she had.

I already have that, it was a present for DH ( really for me) along with the espresso cup.

I do get a pang of longing for cute stuffed toys, but I just imagine them really sad because it was their heart’s desire to be loved and played with by a child. And then I imagine a child who has been saving up her pocket money for that toy, and returns to the shop to find it gone.
It makes it much easier to the toys in the shop where they belong, to find the owner they were meant for!

Disco ball retails at nearly £100! Even I would not pay that.

‘Your possessions end up owning you’. I read that somewhere. Do you want to be sorting, dusting, storing pointless stuff? If you died what would anyone do with it?

I have cured myself after a few house moves and clearing houses for deceased relatives.

I now really enjoy when I need something. Yay I can choose something now! Beautiful crockery, cushions, pictures. I shop mindfully.

it’s really hard when I get vouchers when I don’t need anything. I have £200 John Lewis to spend. I don’t need anything so will do the weekly shop at Waitrose to use it up.

So much of the shit we are drowning in comes from the present giving process. Half the country buying stuff the other half of the country doesn’t need or want. We only ever buy for children these days and the whole family is better off for it.

What helped stop that feeling for me?

I stopped shopping for a year.

I was only allowed to buy things I actually needed, and then ideally second hand. - you actually NEED very little. I think I bought pants and trainers.

I unsubscribed from shopping emails.

I didn't visit retail websites. Or Pinterest. Or follow social media accounts that sell/ advertise stuff. Instead I followed accounts about horrible labour practices and the amount of shite we buy that goes to landfill. I learned about the environmental impact of our shopping habits.

I didn't wander around the shops. Had food delivered.

If you don't know things exist, you don't want them.

My technique is:-

1. Realise I really want something
2. Add it to Amazon basket
3. Wait for payday (monthly)
4. On payday, review contents of basket. Invariably realise it's £100 - £300 of stuff I don't need or particularly want after all. Delete around 95%.
5. Try to buy the other 5% somewhere cheaper (I don't know if it's algorithms or what but Amazon is rarely the cheapest option for me these days).

I think seeing the monthly total altogether really helps. Spending a tenner on something a bit frivolous feels like a treat, spending £150 on frivolities feels utterly foolhardy/shameful (to me, I realise everyone's budgets are different).

My house is full.
Retirement is looming.
Teenagers are expensive.

I'd rather prioritise having good versions of needs and a healthy pension pot.

There are lots of brand new shite gifts donated to charity shops (best teacher mugs, anniversary type glasses, toiletries sets, fancy stationery, floaty scarves etc). I buy those for people who like that sort of thing for a fraction if bought new, money goes to charity and one less pointless item in landfill. Win Win

We spend our JL vouchers on champagne

Came here to say this. I've cleared a few houses, trying so hard not to leave piles of stuff for my daughter to sort out.

With the jelly cats, as with a lot of cute things, I find one cute or maybe two. But too many together and they just become items and their individual cuteness become sort of… manipulative! And you can see the industry/corporate/capitalist aspect too clearly.

Overall, when I am tempted to buy stuff I don’t need (my weakness is clothes, usually trousers!), I get a voice in my head saying “what sadness/trouble in uour life are you trying to ease with all this stuff?” And I just close the website and go and do something else.

Also I have a border-line hoarder in my family. Fuck me, I am never going to be like her.

My main problem is I can go a bit bonkers in the sales. I've never been into gambling but I get what I'd imagine could be a similar kind of adrenaline rush when I see something marked down, usually clothing. The advantage of this is that I rarely buy at full price as I think I'm being ripped off. The downside is I can end up buying stuff I don't need just cos it's in the sale. I know things can be on sale all year round but they seem to mark down summer stock around now and winter stock in dec/ Jan so those are my danger times. Anyone else like this?

YES I HAVE.

But I AM 66.

I always put loads of stuff in my Amazon basket. Then immediately move it to save for later. I rarely put it back in the basket and usually end up deleting it at some point.

That way I feel like I’m shopping like a millionaire but it’s a free dopamine hit!

Overall, when I am tempted to buy stuff I don’t need (my weakness is clothes, usually trousers!), I get a voice in my head saying “what sadness/trouble in your life are you trying to ease with all this stuff?” And I just close the website and go and do something else.

This is very perceptive. When I buy stuff I don't need it is to assuage sadness, or take my mind off some trouble. I usually attempt to try to do that for free by going for a walk or a swim or meeting a friend.

Stop looking at social media/advertising.
You are being drawn in to other people having these things. Seriously.
I went through a stage when my kids were tiny of wanting all the clothes nappies you could get your hands on. It was like an addiction.
Now I rarely spend money on pointless stuff because I use my time differently, read more books instead of social scrolling.

Similar to how you like collecting things, I like collecting money now & watching it grow instead of junk accummulating dust.

This sums it up perfectly. Some people collect crap. I collect money and invest it to
make more money.
Of course I enjoy life, too. But financial security beats easting money on pointless junk every single time.

We spend our JL vouchers on champagne

Mine just go on the next Waitrose shop.

I think it's an age/stage of life thing. I've done my own share of collecting in the past. Most of that has all gone, and much that's left will go when we downsize. It could go now, but it fills a space.

I keep asking for no gifts as I don't want or need anything and I'm afraid most of what I'm given now goes straight into a distant charity shop.