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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Feel Angered by People Taking So Many Photos for the 'Gram...?

294 replies

LilacCatt · 12/07/2024 21:31

I am feeling so nostalgic right now for life pre-social media and pre-smart phones.

I am mid 30s. When I was 17 I had MySpace. When I was 19 I had Facebook. I deleted social media when I was 21 and have been without ever since. I use WhatsApp and occasionally have a peruse of Mumsnet.

Anyway.

Lately (for the past few years), I feel like whenever I visit a remotely interesting place (days out are my favourite thing to do) I am just so distracted from my own enjoyment by people around me posing for photos. Sometimes I see people doing really cringey things such as taking a few steps forward whilst getting their photo taken as if "candid", then quickly checking the result, and then going back to their original spot to take the same few steps forward whilst posing again.

Oh my god. This is all with people around them who are trying to enjoy the moment of the place of interest.

I feel it really repulses me, and actually angers me.

But I can't articulate WHY that is.

I don't want to be a bitter or angry person.

So I just want to explore this emotion a bit more, and open up the floor for a debate here.

Am I being unreasonable to have the inner emotional reaction when I see this sort of thing going on around me?

Should I live and let live?

Is it a symbol of everything wrong in society???

Questioning myself and my thoughts.

Thanks.

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 12/07/2024 23:24

MyGladEagle · 12/07/2024 23:21

It's not an overcrowding problem it's a people behaving like narcissistic twats and not appreciating or respecting the place problem. You can't bypass this anger just by saying, oh I'll be in the moment and all these twats will go away.

But them being narcissistic twats and there at the location is their prerogative. OP is choosing to be angry at it, ergo it's her problem not theirs. It's not her house, who cares if they're not "respecting" it as long as they're not shitting on the floor or graffitiing or something?

You can actually just not let stupid shit like this bother you. Life is much nicer if you just let the rabble be the rabble and focus on yourself.

Rewis · 12/07/2024 23:26

Should I live and let live?

I dunno why this made me laugh. Like what's the alternative? Murder? 😅

MyGladEagle · 12/07/2024 23:28

MonsteraMama · 12/07/2024 23:24

But them being narcissistic twats and there at the location is their prerogative. OP is choosing to be angry at it, ergo it's her problem not theirs. It's not her house, who cares if they're not "respecting" it as long as they're not shitting on the floor or graffitiing or something?

You can actually just not let stupid shit like this bother you. Life is much nicer if you just let the rabble be the rabble and focus on yourself.

They're not choosing to be angry at it, this is spiritual bypass mumbo jumbo nonsense.

They're having a valid reaction to something and are well within their rights to embrace their own anger in that moment instead of trying to bury it beneath a load of dodgy rationale about choosing emotions.

FruitFlyPie · 12/07/2024 23:30

It's interesting because I don't disagree, but when you think about, you're getting annoyed because you want to see the area/landmark in a certain way (without people taking photos), and you aren't. But that's the way it really is. Your idealized idea of the landmark is just as fake as theirs.

Also see people who complain there's too many tourists at a place, not realizing they themselves are a tourist.

Alicewinn · 12/07/2024 23:33

It’s a sign of not being present and just providing ‘evidence’ which gives me the ick too personally

Blackcats7 · 12/07/2024 23:34

Agree. For example when did taking photos of your very ordinary pub lunch become a thing? Sat in a hospital waiting room last week and people were posing for selfies. Obviously phones with cameras have led to this weird state.
I remember sending your film off in the post or taking it to the chemist to be developed in a week or so. Yes it is nice to be able to take better photo so much more easily these days but things are taken to extremes by many people.
I used to get cross with my horrid ex husband (horrid for other much bigger reasons) because we would be in a beautiful peaceful place but instead of enjoying the experience he was on his phone posting or looking at bollocks.

Gerani · 12/07/2024 23:39

Totally understand this ... I actually had befriended a school mum a while ago & we met a good few times with our daughters, literally every time we were in eachothers company she'd be taking their photos to put up on to her social media stories - one time I remember she was even Sat beside me at a kids birthday party taking the childs photos & then tagging me in her stories whilst not even making much conversation with me while we were sat right next to eachother ... as time went by I started to realise she wasn't really someone I had much in common with & her online persona or who she appeared to be was nothing at all like who she was in person. It actually started to feel like she was only interested in meeting with me & my daughter just so she could post about 'such a great time' ... Don't think I've ever seen her smiling in real life the way she had done on her media posts... I really wonder why people feel the need to post post post.... Just enjoy the moment as it is !!!!

Runsyd · 12/07/2024 23:43

D20 · 12/07/2024 21:57

You are being sanctimonious. FWIW I grew up entirely pre social media and we still took plenty of photos.

Back before digital, I never saw a single person turn the camera towards their own face.

Runsyd · 12/07/2024 23:46

katebushh · 12/07/2024 22:17

You're not wrong. It's as though everyone thinks they're a celebrity and must be seen to be doing stuff by strangers online rather than living in the moment. I don't think they know how to live in the moment. It's grating and exhausting and I think perhaps somehow it's either the pinnacle of vanity and narcissism or it's the glaring insecurity of people, or maybe something that encompasses both ends if the spectrum like a monstrous desperation for affirmation.

All of the above, I suspect.

Shakespeareandi · 12/07/2024 23:47

I am not sure who the pics are for? Is it just to have the perfect pic of "the picnic in june 2024""me about to go in to the theatre, looking pensive, in November 2023. Like, when do people go back to look at these pics of themselves?

I'm saturated with other people's lives and photos. I have quit Instagram, unfollowed all friends on FB, but I like FB for all the different useful groups. I no longer read blogs or watch vlogs . I am totally uninterested in seeing photos, or hearing of other peoples lives.
Social media has been so big for so long that I feel the next generation, who are 10-ish now, will follow a different trend once they are in their 20's.. Surely, it's time for a change.

bfrgggdsryvfg · 12/07/2024 23:48

Taking photos is fine, but the obvious instagram ones though do make me chuckle.
I saw a woman in a city near me, sit down on a bench, rest her arms on the back and stare into the distance in one of those ‘candid’ poses and then made the man with her take loads of photos of her like it. She then just got up and walked away. The bench had no baring on her day, but her insta obviously says different!

MyGladEagle · 12/07/2024 23:49

Runsyd · 12/07/2024 23:43

Back before digital, I never saw a single person turn the camera towards their own face.

I can't recall seeing someone in front of a tripod on every bridge every time I walked over one in London either.

Fizbosshoes · 12/07/2024 23:49

Runsyd · 12/07/2024 23:43

Back before digital, I never saw a single person turn the camera towards their own face.

We tried a couple of times to take a pic of me and DH together pre camera phones, they weren't successful! (Mainly because of the height difference! )

Runsyd · 12/07/2024 23:52

pjani · 12/07/2024 22:33

What really gets under your skin, what really gets your goat, what really really makes you mad when you know actually isn't a big deal, is usually something about you.

Is there some part of yourself that you push down, don't acknowledge, reject, that you see in these other people? Is there something that you need to let out or accept about yourself?

It's clearly late! Good luck!

So there's someone eating noisily in the cinema and ruining everyone's enjoyment of the film, and your irritation somehow points to something you're lacking/in denial about? Do give over. People are allowed normal human reactions without it meaning anything deeper. Even Freud said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, for god's sake.

Minimili · 12/07/2024 23:53

LilacCatt · 12/07/2024 22:35

Well, yes, you have a point!! This is what's making me think...

But I dunno what it is????

I feel the same as you OP, it makes me angry but I don’t really understand why.

I just tried to sit and properly think about it and I think for me it’s anger that people are wasting their lives and don’t realise how precious time and life actually is.

I watched my parents die of cancer and they desperately wanted to treasure every moment in their last months. My best friend has a severe physical disability and sees people sitting on their phones when they could be being more active and actually living. She has just come back off a holiday with her teen daughters and said they took hundreds of photos that looked like they were swimming in the pool, running on the beach, dancing or eating a great meal at sunset. She said in actual fact they spent hours every day just creating posts for social media when she was desperate to jump in the pool or dance with them. She said online it looked like the perfect holiday but they hardly spoke to each other.

I know some people are happiest just chilling on their phones or taking photographs to look back on for happy memories, the majority seem to just be taking them to farm for likes though.

I live in a very popular tourist area with so much beautiful scenery, it seems like it’s just a backdrop with no one seeing it, I was walking with DP and suddenly he started laughing and pointed out that almost everyone was either posing for photos, uploading them or just staring at their phones. It was frustrating because no one was looking where they were going and one woman even told a couple off for walking in front of her and ruining her photo.

I see people go out for meals or groups sitting in the pub, every single person on their phones, it makes me wonder why they don’t just meet, pose for photos and go home!
I walked out on a friend once when we were having a meal and she spent the whole time on her phone, I felt I’d have had more attention from her if we’d been talking on WhatsApp.

I don’t use social media and haven’t for years, I take very few photographs and the ones I take are for me to look back on. My partner used to take a lot and post on instagram but he realised when talking about past trips or days out that we’d both had completely different experiences. He was so busy trying to curate perfect moments to post online that he wasn’t actually properly experiencing things and it was just an illusion. He said he realised he was trying to live life to meet what he thought were other people’s expectations rather than just letting go and enjoying himself.
We have a great photo of him sitting in a field when we’d had a picnic, what it doesn’t show is that it took 20 attempts to get that “natural” photo and whilst he was busy creating it, I was taking in my surroundings and enjoying the sun on my face and relaxing.

I know it’s wrong to ever feel you know better or that we are seeing things clearer than other people, everybody is different and takes pleasure from different things.
There is no right or wrong way for anyone to live but people do get brainwashed by social media and don’t realise it until it’s too late.
I know a lot of people who ditched it and felt the same way, I think the saddest part is that it’s mostly young people who will look back and regret that they lived life as if they were on a stage rather then enjoying just being free.
it’s also so unhealthy that people are literally putting their lives up to be judged and if they don’t get the “likes” they are desperate for that it affects their mental health.

I have never had instagram but I used to use Facebook, I stopped using it because I felt like my life was boring and inadequate compared to other peoples. I fell for the heavily filtered photos and the fact that people were only posting the highlights of their lives and it made me feel depressed, I realised that when something good was happening in my life that it was an added bonus I had something to post online to keep up with other people. The turning point was when I started to feel bitter towards my friends because their lives seemed so much more glamorous and exciting.

Its true comparison really is the thief of joy.

I don’t think things are going to change and it’s also stripping individuality from people as they all rush to follow the crowd. It’d be nice if the “influencers” and the people that are in a position to show the truth behind it all could be more real and honest.

Kevin Bridges the comedian talks about this in his stand up and it’s so accurate and funny. He talked about how he looked at his wife’s instagram page and didn’t recognise himself because the photos were so filtered.

It would be nice in future if a sunset or walk on a beach or a child meeting their new puppy for the first time were just beautiful moments rather then opportunities for the gram, life isn’t always supposed to be like an advert.

FeelingSoOverwhelmed · 12/07/2024 23:55

Oh chill out! Since the dawn of time people have been bemoaning the "youth of today" and getting nostalgic about times past.

Yes, people can be annoying and there are undoubtedly valid concerns to be had over social media and all that it entails... But is quietly getting furious and pontificating on how shallow everyone else is on some random forum any more virtuous or any less weird? 🤔

MyGladEagle · 12/07/2024 23:57

FeelingSoOverwhelmed · 12/07/2024 23:55

Oh chill out! Since the dawn of time people have been bemoaning the "youth of today" and getting nostalgic about times past.

Yes, people can be annoying and there are undoubtedly valid concerns to be had over social media and all that it entails... But is quietly getting furious and pontificating on how shallow everyone else is on some random forum any more virtuous or any less weird? 🤔

It's not just the youth of today

And I didn't realise there was an epidemic of mental health issues linked to taking a ridiculous amount of photos of yourself at the dawn of time

namechangefandango · 12/07/2024 23:57

I agree op. I don’t like the naff shallowness of it and I also don’t like going somewhere to see something specific and then waiting an awkward amount of time uncomfortably watching someone take hundreds of shots before I can actually see the thing I’ve come to see.
even worse when it’s an insta parent and not only their kids are bored and fed up but my kids are too and wondering why we’ve come all this way just to wait for someone to finish posing.
it all feels so set up and I almost feel voyeuristic waiting for someone to cultivate their perfect candid shot which also ‘looks’ like a private and intimate moment.
its bloody weird and a bit Truman Show.

Runsyd · 13/07/2024 00:04

Minimili · 12/07/2024 23:53

I feel the same as you OP, it makes me angry but I don’t really understand why.

I just tried to sit and properly think about it and I think for me it’s anger that people are wasting their lives and don’t realise how precious time and life actually is.

I watched my parents die of cancer and they desperately wanted to treasure every moment in their last months. My best friend has a severe physical disability and sees people sitting on their phones when they could be being more active and actually living. She has just come back off a holiday with her teen daughters and said they took hundreds of photos that looked like they were swimming in the pool, running on the beach, dancing or eating a great meal at sunset. She said in actual fact they spent hours every day just creating posts for social media when she was desperate to jump in the pool or dance with them. She said online it looked like the perfect holiday but they hardly spoke to each other.

I know some people are happiest just chilling on their phones or taking photographs to look back on for happy memories, the majority seem to just be taking them to farm for likes though.

I live in a very popular tourist area with so much beautiful scenery, it seems like it’s just a backdrop with no one seeing it, I was walking with DP and suddenly he started laughing and pointed out that almost everyone was either posing for photos, uploading them or just staring at their phones. It was frustrating because no one was looking where they were going and one woman even told a couple off for walking in front of her and ruining her photo.

I see people go out for meals or groups sitting in the pub, every single person on their phones, it makes me wonder why they don’t just meet, pose for photos and go home!
I walked out on a friend once when we were having a meal and she spent the whole time on her phone, I felt I’d have had more attention from her if we’d been talking on WhatsApp.

I don’t use social media and haven’t for years, I take very few photographs and the ones I take are for me to look back on. My partner used to take a lot and post on instagram but he realised when talking about past trips or days out that we’d both had completely different experiences. He was so busy trying to curate perfect moments to post online that he wasn’t actually properly experiencing things and it was just an illusion. He said he realised he was trying to live life to meet what he thought were other people’s expectations rather than just letting go and enjoying himself.
We have a great photo of him sitting in a field when we’d had a picnic, what it doesn’t show is that it took 20 attempts to get that “natural” photo and whilst he was busy creating it, I was taking in my surroundings and enjoying the sun on my face and relaxing.

I know it’s wrong to ever feel you know better or that we are seeing things clearer than other people, everybody is different and takes pleasure from different things.
There is no right or wrong way for anyone to live but people do get brainwashed by social media and don’t realise it until it’s too late.
I know a lot of people who ditched it and felt the same way, I think the saddest part is that it’s mostly young people who will look back and regret that they lived life as if they were on a stage rather then enjoying just being free.
it’s also so unhealthy that people are literally putting their lives up to be judged and if they don’t get the “likes” they are desperate for that it affects their mental health.

I have never had instagram but I used to use Facebook, I stopped using it because I felt like my life was boring and inadequate compared to other peoples. I fell for the heavily filtered photos and the fact that people were only posting the highlights of their lives and it made me feel depressed, I realised that when something good was happening in my life that it was an added bonus I had something to post online to keep up with other people. The turning point was when I started to feel bitter towards my friends because their lives seemed so much more glamorous and exciting.

Its true comparison really is the thief of joy.

I don’t think things are going to change and it’s also stripping individuality from people as they all rush to follow the crowd. It’d be nice if the “influencers” and the people that are in a position to show the truth behind it all could be more real and honest.

Kevin Bridges the comedian talks about this in his stand up and it’s so accurate and funny. He talked about how he looked at his wife’s instagram page and didn’t recognise himself because the photos were so filtered.

It would be nice in future if a sunset or walk on a beach or a child meeting their new puppy for the first time were just beautiful moments rather then opportunities for the gram, life isn’t always supposed to be like an advert.

Hear hear. Every day it feels we're a step closer to a particularly creepy episode of Black Mirror. People are hollowing out right before our eyes. Anyone who hasn't noticed is delusional.

Proudbitch · 13/07/2024 00:05

LilacCatt · 12/07/2024 22:35

Well, yes, you have a point!! This is what's making me think...

But I dunno what it is????

I feel like me and you would make the bestest of friends!

I resonate with EVERYTHING you have said.

Tomatina · 13/07/2024 00:06

I just think it's sad. None of these people are allowing themselves to experience the place they are in, the people they are with, or what is actually happening at that moment. Instead they are totally absorbed by the compulsion to photograph everything - and for what? A few family members and friends will glance at those pictures for a second, then move on. The rest of the world won't give a toss. Memories come from mental experiences, emotions, not a pile of filtered photos. YANBU.

Minimili · 13/07/2024 00:08

Fizbosshoes · 12/07/2024 23:09

I feel such an old woman sometimes (I'm mid 40s) that I feel like when I'm in London I'm constantly in fear of photobombing someone's pic, or worse inadvertently being in their video*. The other day I realised I had probably ruined someone's tiktok video just leaving the self check out area of tesco where they were filming a dance routine!

*I don't want to be the star of "look at the oblivious middle age woman interrupting our video!" Blush

I don't know how other people were taking 50-100 pics a day back in the day, it would have cost a bomb to have them all developed! 🤣

Edited

My friends husband is a postman and a video of him went viral after he was used for a tik tok video without his consent. He was really angry about the breach of his privacy and being scrutinised by thousands of people, he got into trouble at work as well until he proved he had no idea he was being filmed.

I have a friend who is a victim of domestic abuse and who moved away from her husband in fear of her life. She is terrified to be around people with phones in case a photo of her inadvertently shows up online. It’s heavily impacting her life as she’s becoming more and more scared to go out as it’s impossible to avoid people on phones taking pictures these days.

I wish there were stricter laws about filming people in public without consent, I don’t think people realise how dangerous it can be for vulnerable people. I miss the days before camera phones so much, I’m all for technology and think it has improved a lot of things but phones are weapons in the wrong hands.

Blinky21 · 13/07/2024 00:09

I agree, instagrammers now spoil a lot of nice places, I was recently on a city break and got so fed up of having to queue to look at views because people were having whole photoshoots, as well as those walking round being filmed gonzo style. All so they can post exactly the same picture as someone else, it's so narcissistic

Zo85 · 13/07/2024 00:09

Prompted by your post OP, my DH and I were just discussing how on our last few holidays when sightseeing, we have a memory of a ridiculous poser (‘contortionist sticking their arse out’ was the last one) at every single attraction. So you’re not being unreasonable. They’ve killed many a romantic/moving moment with their ridiculousness and how tedious they are tbh. 😂

Edingril · 13/07/2024 00:16

Minimili · 13/07/2024 00:08

My friends husband is a postman and a video of him went viral after he was used for a tik tok video without his consent. He was really angry about the breach of his privacy and being scrutinised by thousands of people, he got into trouble at work as well until he proved he had no idea he was being filmed.

I have a friend who is a victim of domestic abuse and who moved away from her husband in fear of her life. She is terrified to be around people with phones in case a photo of her inadvertently shows up online. It’s heavily impacting her life as she’s becoming more and more scared to go out as it’s impossible to avoid people on phones taking pictures these days.

I wish there were stricter laws about filming people in public without consent, I don’t think people realise how dangerous it can be for vulnerable people. I miss the days before camera phones so much, I’m all for technology and think it has improved a lot of things but phones are weapons in the wrong hands.

People are filmed without consent everywhere with CCTV door stop cameras etc.

We dont personally dont take photos and post online but the fact others do is their business I am tired of people wanting to control everything

How on earth is other people fimling ruining anything for anyone else?

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