Can I refuse a work leaving gift?

[MyOliveDuck]

I work in a massive Corporate company. Today I left my role and start a new (internal) job on Monday. Have worked in this position for 3 years and it has made me ill. Having had no support from any manager (have been through 9 changes of management in 3 years), I have built the job to what it is. At the beginning of 2024, I had a breakdown (work related) and took 5 weeks medical leave. On my return, it took 9 weeks for my manager to complete a return to work assessment, and none of the OH recommendations have been carried out. My mid year PDR was due to be completed by June, but the interim manager took holiday and has not done this despite me leaving the role.
I am thrilled to be starting my new job and the opportunities this also brings. I have also worked really hard to be in the position I am about to be. I look on the last 3 years fondly and appreciate the work I have put in. The company does not. I left today without a word of thanks which really hurts (considering I have made myself ill working over and beyond for a job which has not been recognised). I have heard from a colleague that there was a collection and card going round, but as I have not received 1 phonecall, word of "goodbye and good luck" or words to that effect, a card seems irrelevant. I start the new job on Monday and if there is a card/gift suspect the manager will use this opportunity to build their profile (my new job is near the company MD and it would be good for them to be "seen" to give a gift). Am I being unreasonable to reject a leaving gift? How do I even do this? If a gift was meant with genuine intent, it should have been given on the day of leaving, not after. AIBU? Has anyone rejected a leaving gift?

YABU. Don’t be that person, the gossip will spread like wildfire.

Accept the gift graciously and never burn your bridges, you never know when you may need some of these people writing in your card in good faith.

what are they expecting you to do?
come back in & get it?

id just ignore them
they should have given it on your last day

best to forget about it &thibk that you never have to go back there

they can’t give you a bad reference. HR will handle it

I understand why you'd want to reject it, but I don't think it would be a good idea to create drama on your first day in a new role. Accept it as graciously as you can.

As for looking good in front of the MD - I doubt the MD has such a low bar as to be impressed by a manager giving a leaving gift to an outgoing colleague - a normal, everyday thing.

Is your issue the managers or your colleagues?

I don’t think it will be a good look to reject it publicly in your new role/team.

I would want to reject it too but would just graciously accept it in front of the MD/new team because you really don’t want that to be your first impression.

just donate it to a charity shop/friend/food bank etc

You are moving on to better things I hope, don't give them the satisfaction of refusing the gift, probably what the manager wants, you looking bad, take thr gift, say oh thanks, look at the card and file it on Dustin day at home. If the gift is a voucher spend on yourself and enjoy it.
Good luck in your new role, know you deserve it, and be the better person you know you are. Your old manager sounds lazy and disorganised.

For Your own sake, I wouldn't.

It will start gossip off and it's not something you need when starting a new role.

Don't reject the gift if you receive it. You are not leaving the company itself and it will reflect poorly on you. You never know who you will end up working beside down the line.

Take it and smile and say thank you. Then fling it into the nearest charity shop you see if you must.

Be the bigger person. Do not give them the satisfaction of putting a black mark on your own card.

As you say your new job is internal, why on earth would you want to damage your reputation so badly? Accept the gift graciously, and enjoy being away from this team.

I would feel grateful that some of the team members have contributed and would thank them personally, however my job has been a difficult one. It is not easy to stand up to project managers and tell them they have not followed " the rules". I have had to do this regularly, but this was my job. I did the job well, even if this meant I am disliked for it. I am not upset about the gift.....but if this had any genuine intent behind it, it would have been given on departure? Not to make a point after the person has left the role (to a better job). After leaving, any kind of gesture seems disingenuous. Is it possible to take the senior manager aside and reject? (not to make a show in front of the office/ anyone but as a genuine point of rejection)

You may think you are good at your job but you seem tone deaf...

Don't do it - they'll see you as petty regardless of your intent. Smile, accept it and part ways graciously

Is it possible to take the senior manager aside and reject? (not to make a show in front of the office/ anyone but as a genuine point of rejection)

It’s possible but you will look like an ungrateful and bitter person.

Are you seriously not taking in the near unanimous advice to just accept the gift graciously?

Don't do it, you will only make it look like you are unstable and lack judgement.

It’s mind boggling, isn’t it.

It's an internal job move - the places I've been, you only tend to get something if you leave the company. However, I've not worked in every company, so other places might differ. But in big corporates, it's usual for people to move internally- it's how you build your career.

@PaminaMozart , what am I not hearing?

It's never to your advantage to burn bridges unnecessarily. It's always better to appear gracious and confident, even if you don't feel it. Just accept the gift and chuck it away later if you don't want it.

@paywalled how so?

Absolutely don’t do this. You’ll look like a grade a drama queen. I’ve worked in toxic work places. An expensive necklace was sold and turned into a beautiful blown glass vase. Try and contact the company it’s from if it’s anything nice and explain it’s an unwanted gift and if you can swap, or sell on vinted or regift. If you try and give it back you will look unhinged. (Even if you are totally in the right)

The people who have donated to your gift are not the ones wjo have pissed you off as far as I understand. Why would you offend them?
Your manager is a tosspot.. refusing this gift wouldnt change that.
Retain your dignity.. you might need it later.

Is there a gift? Its not clear
If you are moving internally there may not be one.
In any case what are you hoping to achieve by "rejecting" it, all a bit dramatic

If you do this, the only person it will reflect badly on is you.

Don't do it.

Kindly, OP, don't be daft.

Congratulations on your promotion. If the gift materialises, say thanks and move on.

OP, how so?

Everyone is giving you the same, good advice for your own benefit and future profile at the company.

You don't appear to want to listen to anyone, which begs the question of why you asked if you didn't want responses?

Firstly, you may have pissed everyone in your old dept off enough that they haven't got you anything.

Secondly, you'll ruin future relationships in your new dept if you do this ridiculous posturing.

HTH.