Can I refuse a work leaving gift?

[MyOliveDuck]

I work in a massive Corporate company. Today I left my role and start a new (internal) job on Monday. Have worked in this position for 3 years and it has made me ill. Having had no support from any manager (have been through 9 changes of management in 3 years), I have built the job to what it is. At the beginning of 2024, I had a breakdown (work related) and took 5 weeks medical leave. On my return, it took 9 weeks for my manager to complete a return to work assessment, and none of the OH recommendations have been carried out. My mid year PDR was due to be completed by June, but the interim manager took holiday and has not done this despite me leaving the role.
I am thrilled to be starting my new job and the opportunities this also brings. I have also worked really hard to be in the position I am about to be. I look on the last 3 years fondly and appreciate the work I have put in. The company does not. I left today without a word of thanks which really hurts (considering I have made myself ill working over and beyond for a job which has not been recognised). I have heard from a colleague that there was a collection and card going round, but as I have not received 1 phonecall, word of "goodbye and good luck" or words to that effect, a card seems irrelevant. I start the new job on Monday and if there is a card/gift suspect the manager will use this opportunity to build their profile (my new job is near the company MD and it would be good for them to be "seen" to give a gift). Am I being unreasonable to reject a leaving gift? How do I even do this? If a gift was meant with genuine intent, it should have been given on the day of leaving, not after. AIBU? Has anyone rejected a leaving gift?

I got nothing from my last team but I wasn’t expecting it. My line manager was angry with me because I called him out for illegal activity and he didn’t like the fact I’d got a promotion to an extremely prestigious project. His problem, not mine 😂

I’m just enjoying my new role and don’t think about it really.

Is this a real post?! No one is this daft. Refusing a gift is ridiculous posturing - how old are you!!

You have been given good advice, I guess it's up to you what you do. To be honest reading your reply to sound angry and bitter, but remember if you do it you could be playing into the old managers hand.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but if you decide to refuse the gift you will need it more.

You're not being unreasonable to be hurt and resentful about how they handled you leaving.

But refusing a card or leaving gift to try to make some sort of point is only going to reflect poorly on you among both your new and old co-workers. Look out for yourself instead of attempting to make them look or feel bad. Please don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

I work in a massive Corporate company

This is the point, there are pros and cons. You are just a unit of production not a person. You have enjoyed your job, you have been promoted and got a nice new job, don't stress over this crap, and FFS don't be a drama queen about it.

OP, here's what you need to do:

1. You're out of the toxic team. Thank your lucky stars and enjoy your new job.

1. If you're still feeling very hurt by what's gone on, seek counselling to deal with this. Your feelings are valid and real, but work is not the place to air them now. Don't seek 'justice' for the wrongs uncles something unlawful has happened, just let it go.

1. Prepare your gameplan for if/when the card/gift shows up. Basically not and smile. Look the giver in the eye with sincerity and say, "Thank you so much, that's really kind of you. I'm pleased to have this new opportunity and I really do wish you and [name of old team] well". Then decide what to do with the gift later.

1. Reflect on the fact that surviving a toxic environment, and dealing with 'political' manoeuvring like potentially insincere gift-giving, are all part of the big 'game' of work, and part of having to deal with writing life. Be grateful you've survived and moved on from the last awful episode. Watch out for it happening again, and avoid.

Absolutely this; that would be career suicide!

This would be a spectacularly bad idea...

It'll make you look petty to your new team, and you'll be burning bridges with colleagues who you may well have to work with in future.

Accept it graciously and move on. The fact that you're even considering this course of action makes me wonder about your judgement tbh.

@Jeschara bitter, no. Hurt, maybe.

Take the gift even if it sticks in your throat. You've taken back the control of this awful situation by leaving (well done!), so don't fuck it up now! Onwards!

Some great advice. Thank you. It is all noted.
There is no malice from my part. I don't care they like me....I do care I did my job. I did it well enough to get the promotion!!
I understand the career suicide, and despite my gut instinct to kick back at hurtful, toxic behaviour, I will accept with grace then forget.
Thank you wise people. x

Are you sure there was a big enough collection to actually warrant a gift happening? Sometimes it's unfortunate that it happens that way in the corporate environment.

More to the point what's it going to achieve apart from making you look like a right pudding. It really won't make you feel better in the long run.

IF it happens take the moral high ground. Being gracious will do you more favours.

I really wouldn’t as you’re staying in the company. You can always donate it to charity if that makes you feel better, but colleagues who are nothing to do with what’s happened have donated their hard earned cash and will be pretty annoyed to find you don’t want it and it goes to waste. Better to just say thanks and move on. Best of luck with the new role

When they go low, you go high. Accept the gift graciously, and if you get any input, you could choose a charity donation.

So what would this refusal look like in your mind? Do you picture all eyes on you while your former manager hands you a gift or a card? Then what?

Take gift with many thank yous and gracious smiles and leave it unopened on your desk.

@saltinesandcoffeecups fair point

Accept graciously a d quietly bin the gift if you want to and if it makes you feel better. I have done that with gifts from people I did not like. They never knew, but it gave me some satisfaction.

It may well be that if you haven’t received it by now, there wasn’t enough take up on the donations or enough signatures on the card to warrant giving it to you.

And since you’re only moving internally, would it even be expected?

Plus it sounds like the managers are the ones you are upset with, yet it would be your coworkers and colleagues (who donated) you’d be insulting by rejecting the gift, so that doesn’t make any sense.

Plus you’d seem unhinged and totally dramatic. How do you even “take someone to the side” to reject a group gift anyway?

Be glad you’re leaving a crappy management environment, congratulate yourself on your new promotion, and don’t be a total plonker.

Hi OP, I get where you're coming from but believe me, workplaces are full of hypocritical people. Not just yours.
Don't do anything that will compromise your reputation.
Wishing you well in your new role

Don’t be silly. How could you possibly think this would look good to your “new” colleagues?

I really think you just should act like an adult.

You are not wrong to feel like you. The thing is that they realise how good you are what you do, despite them. Unfortunately they are wrapped up in themselves and it probably hasn’t occurred to them how it looks. Or else they don’t care, people leave all the-time.
None of it is a reflection on you. I can imagine how hurt you must feel.
In the grand scheme of things you are moving to a new role and they may it hard to replace you with someone as dedicated and diligent.
My sister had to arrange all the leaver cards and presents in a previous role, including her own. She is in a much better place now but hasn’t forgotten it.

I had one job where I was miserable - treated unfairly by my boss - not given adequate work and snapped at whenever I approached his desk.

I submitted a complaint and left. He did a whipround and I 'graciously' accepted the voucher.

Bought a new doormat with it. Still gives me a tiny bit of pleasure whenever I step on it.

if you really dont want it, donate it to charity