Can I refuse a work leaving gift?

[MyOliveDuck]

I work in a massive Corporate company. Today I left my role and start a new (internal) job on Monday. Have worked in this position for 3 years and it has made me ill. Having had no support from any manager (have been through 9 changes of management in 3 years), I have built the job to what it is. At the beginning of 2024, I had a breakdown (work related) and took 5 weeks medical leave. On my return, it took 9 weeks for my manager to complete a return to work assessment, and none of the OH recommendations have been carried out. My mid year PDR was due to be completed by June, but the interim manager took holiday and has not done this despite me leaving the role.
I am thrilled to be starting my new job and the opportunities this also brings. I have also worked really hard to be in the position I am about to be. I look on the last 3 years fondly and appreciate the work I have put in. The company does not. I left today without a word of thanks which really hurts (considering I have made myself ill working over and beyond for a job which has not been recognised). I have heard from a colleague that there was a collection and card going round, but as I have not received 1 phonecall, word of "goodbye and good luck" or words to that effect, a card seems irrelevant. I start the new job on Monday and if there is a card/gift suspect the manager will use this opportunity to build their profile (my new job is near the company MD and it would be good for them to be "seen" to give a gift). Am I being unreasonable to reject a leaving gift? How do I even do this? If a gift was meant with genuine intent, it should have been given on the day of leaving, not after. AIBU? Has anyone rejected a leaving gift?

100% accept the gift graciously- then smash it to bits when you get home.

Concentrate on looking forward, don’t let the bastards tarnish anything in you future.

I don't understand - it gave you a breakdown but you look back on it "fondly" ?

I can understand the general disillusionment you feel but take the gift some people will have contributed for all the right reasons.

Don't bin. Give it to charity if it's non-perishable. If it's something like chocolates you could always put them out to share with your new team which would create a good impression. If it's wine or flowers, regift to a friend.

I start the new job on Monday and if there is a card/gift suspect the manager will use this opportunity to build their profile

How would giving you your leaving gift on the first day of your new job do this?

@Rubyred3 this made me laugh! Puts in in perspective too. Thank you

I was once given a ridiculously large bunch of flowers leaving a job that I felt the dislike was mutual and the flowers felt tick boxes rather than genuine appreciation (and I knew were in company card rather than a whip around) was also annoying as I was going straight out from work and lumbered with a bouquet the size of small Christmas tree. In first pub some bloke asked me if he could buy them off me for £50 to give his wife as she’d be annoyed at him coming home worse for ware. Happily obliged. Everyone a winner

Having moved teams several times within large companies nobody ever made a fuss unless it was a new location.

Anyway OP as PP said any rejection will only make you look like a massive twat. You don't have to gush over the gift. Just say thanks like a normal person then bin/donate/whatever.

Do you really need a dramatic “mic drop” moment?

Accept it graciously, and move on.

This is the only correct answer to your question, OP.

if the gift is something like gift vouchers and you don’t want them, you can donate them to a local charity ( like your local hospice ) who can use them for a raffle prize.

If you think old manager will use it to publicly win points with the MD then I'd be accepting graciously and saying how lovely it is of the team to give you a gift, thank you so much to the team, how kind blah blah.

Glad you have made your decision, from what you have written your colleagues don't need something to gossip about. I am glad you did the right thing in your previous job.

Personally if you haven’t received on your last day I doubt manager will come and find you on your 1st day. It could be a collection went round or not enough was collected. I know often with staff collections people opt out as forever putting in for birthday, leaving, new baby etc

"Oh, how lovely. When nobody said goodbye to me on Friday, I thought you'd all forgotten I was moving on."

If there's a card going around then it's a gift and card from everyone. Try and think of it that way rather than focus on your manager.

It doesn't matter what they think or do anymore - you're off to better places!

To refuse, regardless of the circumstances would be VVVU and unspeakably ungracious. But hey, it's your reputation.

Nooooooo!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a unanimous thread before. They’re all very wise women @MyOliveDuck.

Well done for taking the good advice on board graciously OP.

At my place there's been a few people who have handed in their notice or been made redundant and said at that point that they don't want any kind of leaving collection or speech.

But if the collection has already happened its a bit late for that. Just accept in a low key manner

I would accept the gift graciously and thank the ex manager just a little too profusely for all his support and hard work

Accept the gift and learn how to paragraph.

I think it's really shitty what they've done OP, and it's funny because if you had just posted the background and that nobody even sent you a card on your leaving day or said anything to you, without mentioning you didn't want to accept the gift, people would probably be suggesting you don't accept it! Mumsnet is contrary sometimes.

FWIW I would quietly accept it. It's not only going to be your crap manager signing it remember, and also, as bad as they are for doing this, I do agree that the most pragmatic thing to do is to accept it. I wouldn't be making a big fuss to say thank you though!

Just say thank you for their generosity but you can’t possibly accept Or how kind my favourite charity will love this !

Being passive aggressive in the workplace is not a good look. The only person this would hurt is the OP.

Refusing a gift would look petty - better to accept in a low-key way and get on with your day. If it's not a voucher you could do as others have suggested and give it to charity. If you don't want it anyway I doubt it matters which day you receive it. Move on.