To judge this mother?? (mother said loosely)

[SparklyGothKat]

I was at the shops after picking up the kids from school. I had Callum in his pushchair and the kids were standing beside, when I heard this woman shouting. She was shouting at her DS (she had two) and then she shouted 'I am going to smack you in the mouth if you don't shut up!!!!' In front of everyone in the shop. After I left, I could hear this boy crying and saying he wanted his daddy, she just kept screaming at him like a fishwife!! Why do some people have kids?

I don't think it is anything to do with 'deserving' or 'not deserving' children, but rather about making sure that those people who are not coping with parenthood are helped to do so.

If the word deserving comes into it - I think it is about helping children to get the parents that they deserve

I agree with both sides of this argument it is easy to judge a parent for shouting at a child I am probably one of the worst for it but I will admit that! One night I was at Asda around 9pm and there was this so called 'parent' with about 3 kids under 10 and one of them fell whist she was carrying the bags to a taxi so she dumped the bags on the ground and grabbed the child by the arm and told him to get the FCUK up and get in the FCUKIN' car or he was going to get a belt in the face! At this point my blood began to boil!!! Bu I have also seen me looking at people who have simply grabbed there childs hand and dragged them along then realising that the child is taking a tantrum which i horrid in public so what else can you do!

soapbox- what exactly are you trying to say???

NO ONE is perfect!! we all say silly things we regret, im awfull for shouting at DD in public but its the only way i can cope with the stresses of being out with a hyperactive 3yr old, i love her to bits and i do feel i deserve to be her mum!!

For me being a mother is part skills part chance/hope it goes ok part fuck I've fucked up again part guilt part shame part joy. I roared at my ds 7 yesterday. I called him a brat. I know for a fact, I got cold hard stares. I apologised to my ds and spent the rest of the day feeling kike shite engulfed in guilt. Maybe it's part and parcel of being a single parent.

I don't not if I agree with all women "like me" needing professional help but it was the tone of "Well you never guess what I saw yesterday mentality on some of the thread that made me feel further ashamed and grubby except I'm not.

Some people are often to quick to jump in when they do not realise the full estent of what is going on.

I'm saying that if you habitually shout things at your children, of the same kind as have been detailed on this thread, and/or act our these kind of threats, then you need to get help.

If someone judging you helps you along that road, then so be it!

And to be clear, calling someone a brat isn't at all in the same league as telling him you will smack him in the mouth as detailed by the OP!

I agree with you to an extent but Soapy when my ds said after I apologised that I had hurt his feelings, my heart broke. At that moment I felt as bad as had I called him every and any name under the sun.

and if the judging just makes you loathe yourself even more, and retreat more???

you dont nessesarily need help for shouting at your children, im a shouter but i dont beat my child FFS!!!

Its normal to lose your rag from time to time, children constantly push the boundaries and were all human afterall.....except maybe you perfect mums (dont exist imo)

At the end of the day it s unreasonable and unnacceptable to smack your child in public according to most but since when were you not allowed to shout? I don't agree for 1 minute with shouting threats of violence at a child but I raise my voice all the time to my 2 year old it's the only way to teach them .

I admit that I do that hissing at my kids 'if you do that again, I will not be taking you to party/park/farm etc' in public, but I would never threaten to smack them in the mouth. She didn't even say it quietly, she actually screamed it across the shop at her son.

FAQ i dont know you but dont let anyone make you feel like that, if you love your kids thats all that matters

In these circumstances I would say to this mum 'Are you OK? Do you need a hand with anything?' I have done this on a few occasions and it's amazing how quickly they become docile lambs when they realise they've been clocked.

FAQ - I think if you are at the stage where you loathe yourself for the things you shout at your children, and if that is happening regularly, then you need help to get through that.

These kind of comments ruin the lives of children - we've all seen and read the threads on here by adults who were treated like this as children and they bear the brunt of these episodes right into adult hood!

BL - yes everyone loses it now and again, but losing it to the extent that you tell your child that you will smack him in the face

yes, I'm fucking my children up, yes i'm getting "help", not it's not fucking working yet, why don't you ring SS now before I fuck my kids up anymore.......

soapbox- of course the woman the op is talking about was out of order, thats obvious...but to say that you need help for shouting at your kids??????

Ridiculous

FAQ, I so don't mean this in a patronising way because I've been and sometimes still visit those dark places but I can swear that Soapy means well.

FAQ: I think you need to take a step back pet, this isn't doing you any good. You have taken this thread way too personally.

I know you're getting 'help' and I also know you adore your boys, but for now just take my hand & we'll walk away......

fuckin hell

'I'm saying that if you habitually shout things at your children, of the same kind as have been detailed on this thread...' is what I said - not just 'shouting'!

Please don't make out I said things that I didn't!

FAQ - I am glad that you are getting help, I certainly did not mean for my posts to make things worse for you. I hope it all settles down soon for you.

I shouted at my kids this morning to 'get your shoes on' after the first 4 times I had asked didn't work. Shouting and threatening to smack your child in the mouth are completely difference.

Think maybe we should aboandon this thread and move on coz it's going to turn ino a full blown war!!! On a brighter note can I be a cheeky wee cow and ask if anyone has a Single Nipper 360? Need some honest details of one please.

Ok, I know I'll get shot down for this, I must emphasise I'm not a fan of swearing and I'm not saying it's right but what about perhaps mothers that perhaps swear at their children but don't follow through as opposed to mothers that never swear but beat their children behind closed doors? Just a thought.

I think there is a bit of overreacting on this tghread.
Haven't we all witnessed parents acting abhorrently towards their young children?
I have witnessed a couple of things that made me worry about the children's homelife..
It's not just shouting in the street, I have done that once or twice myself, but the way in which it is done by some people that sets alarming bells ringing....