To judge this mother?? (mother said loosely)

[SparklyGothKat]

I was at the shops after picking up the kids from school. I had Callum in his pushchair and the kids were standing beside, when I heard this woman shouting. She was shouting at her DS (she had two) and then she shouted 'I am going to smack you in the mouth if you don't shut up!!!!' In front of everyone in the shop. After I left, I could hear this boy crying and saying he wanted his daddy, she just kept screaming at him like a fishwife!! Why do some people have kids?

ive had this twice in the last week and each time my dh has begged me not to intervene

1/in home bargains a woman pulled up the plstic on her pram and yelled into the childs face if you effin do that again ....as i passed by i looked in the pram there was n adorble little girl aged about 8 months!

2/in mc donalds a womn rammed her childs chair in and said in a loud teeth gritted voice if u do that gain im gonn effin hurt u-the child was less than 2 trying to reach up to her fries that her mum ws eating and had knocked the sauce on the floor

but what can u say? if they speak to their own babies like that they re hardly going to be polite to me are they and believe me if someone got shirty with me i wouldnt let it pass lol

its easy to judge,though i often wonder whether to say anything to the mum in those situations.as someone said,they could be ill,or at breaking point.

I see it from one particular woman at the bus stop every day. I can understand being at the end of your tether one day but every day speaking to your children the way this woman does makes me sad.

Sorry, I don't care if they're at the end of their tether, I'm frequently at the end of mine. There's no bloody excuse to be cruel to a child.

Riven, I think that is completely different - putting a child in a place of safety where you can see them and having a momentary meltdown because you've had enough is completely different from threatening a toddler with voilence.

I think there is a big difference between being at the end of your tether and saying cold calculated stuff though, the woman I saw was speaking to the child in a cold horrible way. I can so understand you could just snap though! I don't think anyone would judge someone who was crying and obviously upset though

Oh Riven thats heartbreaking really - I hope things got better after that

I was in a lift once with DSs who were about 3 & 4 at the time and there was a family with two kids about the same age. The Dad was screaming at the kids that they were little f**g c**s. I'm really not that confrontation in those situations but I was jolly miffed at the words used and politely pointed out that I did not wish such language to be used in front of my DC. I immediatley regretted saying anything as I thought the idiot was going to twat me. Thankfully the doors opened and DH (who'd gone down the escalators) was waiting like my knight in shining armour. When the guy realised DH was with me he backed down and scuttled of, (probaly back to the rock he'd crawled out from under).
What worried me for days was the sort of man he was. He he was prepared to be like that in public what the hell did he do in private. I shudder to think

We have neighbours that are like this on a daily basis The little one was told to 'f'ing shut up' when he cried in the night, right from a tiny baby. All the kids are shouted and sworn at every day; the mother has even called them all c**nts . I thought at first it ws because she was pg and stressed, but its still like that now, plus the Dad is the same. They're very polite if you say hello on the street though

Riven, your child has serious problems which make her more challenging that anything I, or 99.9% of parents, will ever have to deal with.
What you did, in a moment of desperation, bears no comparison to these hideous people who don't seem to give a fuck about their kids. Don't be hard on yourself.

I'm judgey McJudge and I do think it but you got a tiny snapshot if that's all you heard.

The time I was waiting for the bus with DD and the wee boy ran around for ten minutes and then ran around the bus, culminating in the driver stopping and said wee boy getting a banged head I judge more.
The ten minutes before he was threatened with stairs, a smack, no treats, no telly etc etc.
The woman didn't care!

Yes, Riven, I think we are talking about people who obviously just rant on at their kids in a hideous way without thinking, not someone who has unbearable pressure...if you only did that once you are very very strong! My DD is normally a very easy child..she has been sick this week and whingy/clingy and I found myself saying "shut the f* up"..not where she could hear me at all, i was in a different room..but that was after a WEEK..you are very strong!!

I think it's very easy to judge, but none of us know how those mothers feel later/after they've spoken to their child like that.

I'm certain some of them feel even worse and regret every word..........

I don't think they care, I really, really don't.

don't be so sure........

It's easy to judge when it's not you.

My sister would take the moon out of the sky if her sons wanted it, but I recall her losing it one day in the middle of a busy shop.

Anyone seeing her would have thought she was a terrible mother as she slapped her youngest son and walked away from her eldest.

In fact our father had just had a triple heart bypass & she had lost her baby at 14 weeks 2 days before She was a big hormonal mess.... try explaining that to some judgy cow standing with her well behaved child.

I'm not a judgy cow, nor do I have a perfect child - there's no such thing.

Big hormonal mess or not, you do have a choice. No one knows what anyone else is dealing with, that's the point. As a grown up, you get to choose how you behave in the face of the annoying toddler.

I recall being judged, by a whole bunch of people.
Pull up a pew, I'll tell the story
We're in Glasgow, at the train station to go home, it's November, it's raining, we're wet and fucking freezing cold.
DD decides she doesn't want to walk down the stairs, they are steep and concrete, ahe's heavy and damage will be done if I slip which is likely.
What do I do?
Yell like a fishwife, threaten no toys for a week, tell her I will smack her
I wasn't nice and I could see people looking and judging but other than being all nice for another half hour, wet and cold on the off chance she may decide to walk down the stairs, what should I do?

Oh georgiemama, you're full of compassion I see.

"that's the point. As a grown up, you get to choose how you behave in the face of the annoying toddler."

yes, and wouldn't it be a lovely world if everyone had full control of their emotions and reactions.............

I love it when the inverted commas come out. It really adds strength and depth to an argument.

So do you think it is OK to bawl out a toddler when it isn't even them that is stressing you? Do you really?

"I'm certain some of them feel even worse and regret every word.........."

(yes it's the "inverted commas" again, but it's repeating what I said above........)