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Original poster

AIBU: Needs Subtitles vs Hates Subtitles

110 replies

tvdilemma · 11/07/2024 11:38

We have a bit of a battle going on in our household, it has been ongoing for years but has come to the forefront over the last few weeks.

My DP and I live with my DD (early 20s). DD is diagnosed autistic with ADHD and sensory processing disorder, and finds that with most television she needs subtitles to understand what’s happening. We watch telly all together in the evenings, always have done. While DP and DD have never gotten along spectacularly well, things have always muddled along just fine, at least on this particular issue.

Lately, DP has taken to complaining when DD asks for the subtitles to be turned on. Not every time, because that would be several times a night, but at least once or twice a week. He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football! It really came to a head when the other day, DD asked to turn the subtitles on and he stormed out of the room. I’ve also found out that on the other telly, DD’s TV in the spare room, he keeps changing the settings back to default as that is the one room in which she has the subtitles automatically turned on. Neither of us would mind as long as he switched them back afterwards, as she uses that room far more than he does, but he doesn’t bother. I usually go and switch them back on afterwards. For reference, I’m totally neutral on subtitles- I don’t mind and even sometimes quite like having them on, but I’d never think to turn them on myself.

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him. I do my best to make sure we all watch what we want to, and DD tries her best not to impose by asking for subtitles on things she knows DP likes more than she does. I know he’ll say he can’t help it and that he finds them annoying and distracting, but I don’t know if that overrules my DD’s sensory disability. My instinct says that my DD’s need wins out, but then I wonder if perhaps I am prioritising DD without even realising it?

OP posts:
30yearoldvirgin · 16/07/2024 07:03

tvdilemma · 11/07/2024 11:38

We have a bit of a battle going on in our household, it has been ongoing for years but has come to the forefront over the last few weeks.

My DP and I live with my DD (early 20s). DD is diagnosed autistic with ADHD and sensory processing disorder, and finds that with most television she needs subtitles to understand what’s happening. We watch telly all together in the evenings, always have done. While DP and DD have never gotten along spectacularly well, things have always muddled along just fine, at least on this particular issue.

Lately, DP has taken to complaining when DD asks for the subtitles to be turned on. Not every time, because that would be several times a night, but at least once or twice a week. He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football! It really came to a head when the other day, DD asked to turn the subtitles on and he stormed out of the room. I’ve also found out that on the other telly, DD’s TV in the spare room, he keeps changing the settings back to default as that is the one room in which she has the subtitles automatically turned on. Neither of us would mind as long as he switched them back afterwards, as she uses that room far more than he does, but he doesn’t bother. I usually go and switch them back on afterwards. For reference, I’m totally neutral on subtitles- I don’t mind and even sometimes quite like having them on, but I’d never think to turn them on myself.

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him. I do my best to make sure we all watch what we want to, and DD tries her best not to impose by asking for subtitles on things she knows DP likes more than she does. I know he’ll say he can’t help it and that he finds them annoying and distracting, but I don’t know if that overrules my DD’s sensory disability. My instinct says that my DD’s need wins out, but then I wonder if perhaps I am prioritising DD without even realising it?

Is he 4 years old, or just a selfish wa*r?

Lavenderblume · 16/07/2024 10:07

I have a theory that in general, men are more likely to dislike subtitles. I would love to find out if this is actually true. My hypothesis is that they are more easily distracted or perhaps slower readers...

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:22

MonsteraMama · 15/07/2024 11:46

Wow, it must be a pretty serious condition if it even effects him from a different room when he's watching something else? What's it called?

Show quote history

It doesn't affect him from a different room though does it? He turns them off on the daughter's TV when he's watching that TV! He couldn't follow the programme so grumbled and went into a different room!

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:26

Megifer · 15/07/2024 12:09

And an odd one if it only affects him sometimes.

I'd also like to know the name of this actual condition, it sounds really interesting, I'd love to read the studies about it.

Show quote history

It probably doesn't only affect him sometimes but it will affect him sometimes more than others.
When watching live TV with subtitles on they're usually 10+ seconds behind what is actually being heard, so will have more of an affect. Equally something where you need to watch what's on screen to me and to follow - game shows etc he will find it harder.
Things like soaps they won't be affected as much because you don't miss too much if your eyes are drawn away from the action.
As for her daughter maybe watching the TV without also being on her phone etc once in a while would also help.

It's called compromise!

MonsteraMama · 21/07/2024 11:33

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:22

It doesn't affect him from a different room though does it? He turns them off on the daughter's TV when he's watching that TV! He couldn't follow the programme so grumbled and went into a different room!

Show quote history

It's literally in the OP.

"He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football!"

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:46

MonsteraMama · 21/07/2024 11:33

It's literally in the OP.

"He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football!"

Show quote history

He moaned about having them on in the room he was in before going into another room to watch the football! So yeah he was in the same room when he was moaning!

MonsteraMama · 21/07/2024 11:50

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:46

He moaned about having them on in the room he was in before going into another room to watch the football! So yeah he was in the same room when he was moaning!

Show quote history

That's not what it says but ok.

LordSnot · 23/07/2024 08:45

CosyLemur · 21/07/2024 11:46

He moaned about having them on in the room he was in before going into another room to watch the football! So yeah he was in the same room when he was moaning!

Show quote history

You've been asked a few times - can you please give the name of this condition?

DoNotScrapeMyDataBishes · 23/07/2024 11:12

I usually have the subtitles on if it's something I'm actually watching (versus background noise). I just find it helps me when TV has got so bloody in your face with loud bits and then mumbling (I'm also autistic). Also means I don't miss huge chunks over DH and DD1 wittering on.

I turn them on, DH turns them off, the kids laugh at us fighting over it on the main telly (but DH forgets how to turn them off so I win at times). I'd go nuts if he fiddled with the setting on my TV in my office though which always has them on - that's MY space and MY rules.

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/07/2024 11:26

tvdilemma · 11/07/2024 11:38

We have a bit of a battle going on in our household, it has been ongoing for years but has come to the forefront over the last few weeks.

My DP and I live with my DD (early 20s). DD is diagnosed autistic with ADHD and sensory processing disorder, and finds that with most television she needs subtitles to understand what’s happening. We watch telly all together in the evenings, always have done. While DP and DD have never gotten along spectacularly well, things have always muddled along just fine, at least on this particular issue.

Lately, DP has taken to complaining when DD asks for the subtitles to be turned on. Not every time, because that would be several times a night, but at least once or twice a week. He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football! It really came to a head when the other day, DD asked to turn the subtitles on and he stormed out of the room. I’ve also found out that on the other telly, DD’s TV in the spare room, he keeps changing the settings back to default as that is the one room in which she has the subtitles automatically turned on. Neither of us would mind as long as he switched them back afterwards, as she uses that room far more than he does, but he doesn’t bother. I usually go and switch them back on afterwards. For reference, I’m totally neutral on subtitles- I don’t mind and even sometimes quite like having them on, but I’d never think to turn them on myself.

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him. I do my best to make sure we all watch what we want to, and DD tries her best not to impose by asking for subtitles on things she knows DP likes more than she does. I know he’ll say he can’t help it and that he finds them annoying and distracting, but I don’t know if that overrules my DD’s sensory disability. My instinct says that my DD’s need wins out, but then I wonder if perhaps I am prioritising DD without even realising it?

I'm a subtitle user, all the time as I have hearing loss. My family don't mind and sometimes find them helpful. I turn them off when DP is watching sport because then they are a nuisance. The subtitles go over the score or over the game.
Can your DP watch sport on the other TV? Can your DC watch on a computer with headphones?

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