Suddenly Invisible

[user1490442269]

I'm having a hard time realising I'm becoming less visible to the opposite sex. I'm 42 and I have become aware of less attention.

Invest in some counselling for self-stem so that you do not need to seek external validation from men

Which is all lovely but it is nice to feel attractive and wanted as well.

As a lovely gift to yourself, it might be time to put less value on the male gaze and more on your own self worth.

As you get older OP it becomes a damn sight harder than men not giving you attention.

Most of them will be married so won’t be obviously eyeing up other women if they are decent. Younger men will look for women in the same stage of their lives as themselves. All just simple facts based on the average age of marriage and the average age gap between couples. As the poster above says, this isn’t about them - it’s about your self esteem needing validation from men who are already likely to be attached.

You need to work on your self esteem if you base your worth on random men gazing at you

This is just the beginning. Just enjoy your life!

Just go to any bar as I did on a friend's hen night in my mid fifties. You'll be noticed. I had to explain to one nice guy that really I was happily married. 😂

There comes a point though where you won't care, you see men completely differently once those fuzzy hormones start to deplete.

If random men leering gives you that, crack on I guess.

Oh I love the no attention. Definitely don't need some bloke giving me the eye to make me feel good.

Be attractive to yourself and people who love you. Undiscerning horny randoms really aren’t worth the shit off your shoe.

It's a whole new world when random men are no longer interrupting it. Wear your invisibility proudly.

What’s the problem @user1490442269 Are you on the lookout for a partner?

I'm sorry you feel that way. I absolutely love the invisibility of being an older woman (53) men never shout things at me from their cars or beep their horns at me any more. And I can have a night out without ever being hassled, followed or chatted up by men. It's great 😊

You’ve had your last fuckable day??? (Tina Fey sketch)

Why not be grateful for the freedom from the male gaze

You do not need men fancying you to feel validated. What about YOU liking what you see on the mirror. What about having something worthwhile and interesting to say. What about doing something interesting with your middle years.

You are in the prime of your life. Enjoy it.

You don't need to act like an insecure teenager. You're a fully formed and functioning woman. Roar.

This is mumsnet. Any man who looks at you for more than a nanosecond is obviously a raging pervert

Oh come on, OP, it's fantastic. No wolf whistling, no leering, just treated like a person..... Invisibility is a blessing.

And this is where the advantage of never having been physically attractive comes into play. Nothing to miss.

Men will shag anything, look at the heroin addicts working the roughest bits of the roughest cities, they'lleven pay for it. Watch how desperate things get when the pickings are getting less on a night out in town. What's nice about that? If you are wanted in the true form, you don't give a shit if you would attract the attention of some random man. In my peer group (I'm in a relationship) there are plenty of solvent, own house/car looking for partners the same age, or upto ten years younger, but still over 50.

I'm mainly in the invisible category now. I miss the 'male gaze' a bit if I'm honest!

My self esteem is fine, I'm capable of self-validation and I have hobbies, friendships etc, lots of meaning in my life.

But I still miss it a bit! It's an adjustment. I took it for granted when I had it and somehow thought I'd stay young and pretty forever

Isn’t it glorious OP? It was a great moment realising that I wasn’t being constantly assessed for fuckability. I’m sure if I still had ovaries I might be bothered but without them it all makes so much sense that single women live longer than married women and married men live longer than single men.

Also it's possible to be eyed subtly and discreetly. I'm not saying I miss some idiot leering or shouting from a car window.