Suddenly Invisible

[user1490442269]

I'm having a hard time realising I'm becoming less visible to the opposite sex. I'm 42 and I have become aware of less attention.

This is true. And weird.

I stopped getting eyed up in the street. And tbh, stopped making any effort. As male attention and the opinion of random street blokes ceased to have any power over me, I stopped making an effort to please their eyes and became less visible.

But if I went to a bar, dressed in scruffy clothes, no make up, just to catch up with friends, there'd be lonely men drinking you in with their eyes like you suddenly transformed into Margot Robbie. Sometimes happens on the commute too. It's very unnerving. I've been propositioned in my fifties, wearing my padded coat, glasses, no make up, overweight, looking like every other middle aged woman who buys her clothes at M&S for convenience but ogled like porn.

Random men will keep eying you like wolves,OP. I promise you. Less often maybe, but it happens.

Thanks for this. You've reminded me how awful it was being in my twenties, and how great things are now.

I suddenly realised I was invisible at 27! Got told I was "sooooo old" by some 20 year old lad, ha. But...I was no longer being told to "smile love" in the street. Not being hit on then called a fucking stuck up bitch when I turned them down. And so on. I like being invisible, it feels safer.

I love being invisible.

No unwanted comments or 'banter', no trying to get away from creeps, not being told to 'smile luv' etc.

Oh, I've experienced this - I would watch as the young, pretty ones get hired over and above the older, much more experienced women. Funny though in reverse how they would hire older, much more experienced men though, and not so much the younger, more attractive but very inexperienced ones...

It happens to us all eventually but you should embrace it. It happens to men too but it's different for them as they are the 'hunters' if you see what I mean.
Go to any event gathering where the age range is far higher and you will see the same thing. Heaven forbid you are attracted to them 😂😂😂
Wait till you hit the menopause, you won't care a jot then!

There's a really pretty young slim blonde lady who jogs near me. I see her often. She goes down our long main street, and you always see as she jogs men will literally take their eyes off the road as they drive to stare at her as she runs. I've seen male pedestrians turn to stare at her and oggle her as she jogs past. I don't miss that, at all. It's so nice to be able to go about my day without feeling all those eyes staring at my body. I remember once as well in a car park, this young pretty lady was walking past this car with two men in their 50s/60s, they were both staring at her as she walked past then said (windows were open), "God, I'd love to stick it in that, fucking 'ell, yes", it just came out my mouth when I blurted "Oh dear God, gross!", they turned and looked at me in shock (think they'd not realised how loud they'd been), and were like "Alright!" in anger. But seriously....when your young and it's relentless negative attention like that, being invisible is an absolute blessing.

I think it’s great, I had a few unpleasant experiences when younger but now I’m older and fatter men literally ignore me. It’s lovely. Some men do seem affronted by the fact that they have to speak to you despite you not being attractive to them but it’s a great way to sort the wankers from the normal people. I did have a moment in my late 30’s when I realised that literally no-one had checked me out for a while and mourned the loss of my youth but it wears off.

Frankly, more men than women are a bit shit, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether they like you or not frankly.

Yup, men are known to shag dead people and animals, their attention is not a prize for attractiveness.

Enjoy your new freedom. It gets even better after menopause because you stop having any fucks to give about anyone's opinion of you.

The work thing is really depressing, though. It's not like you suddenly start getting respected as a human being at 50.

I feel a bit like my life is over now but if I were a man I'd have 20 years of potential left.

Also, hang about large groups of people in their 60s. You will get the attention when their wives aren't looking!

I hadn’t noticed its absence (I’m 43) until recently when I did get cat called from 3 older men in a van. It was a horrible feeling, and I realised how blissfully long it had been since it had last happened.

Then I got to thinking about how frequently it happened in my teens, then it dawned on me how bloody awful some men are. They will happily sexually harass children in the street, for all to hear. Sometimes they did it when I was with my mum!!

Men are gross, it helps not to want their grubby attention.

It’s life stages - biology. From puberty for a few years you are at the biological prime age to have children and men respond to that. Then you move on. You need to
make peace with it.

I was in a coffee shop with dd2 and friend
both stunning. The young chap serving couldn’t take his eyes off them. He literally didn’t even see me - I was standing right next to them! Had to say “err I would like a coffee too?!”. And I was flipping paying for everyone!

By random men? Why should they validate you?

I think it's definitely less stressful going out and about. Far better than in my 20s. Also, stop caring what "men think" or what "men like" and please yourself more.

I think this is fantastic! Try to frame it this way in your mind. I feel so liberated by this - it’s so good not to have men openly eyeing you in all kinds of situations. Unfortunately it’s still not gone 100% but less attention is fantastic - especially at work.

I had my colours done professionally in my early 40s. Made such a difference. No longer feel invisible.

I don't feel the need to spend loads on expensive beauty treatments now. I'm wearing the best colours for me and get lots of compliments from people of all ages. Saves a fortune on clothes too. Also went to gym and built muscle mass through lifting heavy weights. I did it for me and health reasons and I love style. You have to figure out your why.

Dear old mumsnet. Hate men trying to hit on them
Complain that men are not trying to hit on them 😅

Dear old mumsnet. Hate men trying to hit on them
Complain that men are not trying to hit on them

It's almost like different people think differently.

They're probably happily married.

Different posters will have different opinions.
"Mumsnet" is not a hive mind.

It's nicer to feel comfortable and confident for yourself. Something I'm learning at 35 years old.

I found it liberating. I feel I am treated more professionally. It is my expertise and intellect that make me valuable and I no longer have to contend with much older men treating me like a pretty little thing that can be patronised.

This.

I remember feeling like you did but pretty quickly I was in the hands of the NHS and just trying to stay alive has been a thing for the last nine years. I laugh at how I felt back then and am grateful for how my, now unattractive to men, body has held up.

This is exactly what's happened to me. You get gravitas, something that men take for granted.