Apologies this is a bit long 😬. DH & I live in a v remote & rural part of the country, we took early retirement & moved here a few years back. It’s a lovely place & we’re happy & settled. The few (distant) neighbours we have are all nice. Friendly but not too friendly IYSWIM. DH & I go out now & again to the only pub round here & it’s always a good night.
A couple of years ago Zoe & Dan (not their real names) moved here, about five miles from us. He’s ok but I struggle with her. We’re roughly the same age but we have zero in common. She’s very right wing - pro fox hunting/blood sports, hates migrants & people on benefits. She’s not the sharpest pencil in the box & boasts that she’s never read a book in her life. Also believes weird conspiracy theories she reads on Facebook. Can drive but won’t so Dan has to take her everywhere. Consequently she’s stuck in the house a lot as he works part time. We’re chalk & cheese.
She’s started to text me & ask if they can join us in the pub. Hard to say no really - it’s a pub. Plus I know she hasn’t really got anyone else round here & I do (did!) feel a bit sorry for her. Because of the geography there’s a very small pool of potential friends.
Last night was a disaster - worst ever by a mile. She seemed a bit manic/hyper when we got there. I wondered if she was on something but she just kept saying she was excited as she hadn’t been out of the house for ages. At the best of times it’s hard to have an adult conversation with her but last night was terrible. Another couple who were there left as soon as decently possible. The DH’s talk about sport & get on pretty well but it’s impossible to talk as a four which would help dilute her. She just interrupts all the time, talks over them & paws at my arm to get my attention.
I’m pretty patient, & always put forward a reasonable view to balance her almost fascist opinions. Try also to not look at my watch too much. Everything I said last night she just laughed at weirdly & loudly. I asked her what was so funny & she just kept laughing - almost hysterically. It was so embarrassing. Like being back at junior school.
Later a woman was in the pub & sat behind me. Zoe was hyper - again pawing me & saying “look, look!! That’s a man isn’t it? They’re trans aren’t they? Go on look, look now!“ I snapped (v rare) & said a bit too loudly & sharply that she was being really rude & to stop it. She literally put on a pet lip.
Fast forward to the end of the night & I said we were heading home. Why? She asked. Because it’s nearly midnight & I live there I replied. Why? She again asked. Why do I live at home or why is it midnight? Why she just repeated “why”. On a loop. Whenever I said anything she just said why. I snapped again & said FFS Zoe you’re acting like a fucking toddler. Pet lip again.
Said goodnights, she said she’d had a lovely time 🙄. Meanwhile we headed in opposite directions. Me seething.
Congratulations if you’ve got this far btw.
Anyway - I couldn’t stand another night like that. So do I say something or do I just keep dodging her & her invites until she gets the message. It’s really spoilt the nice times we used to have there but I am not wasting another evening of my life listening to her spout that rubbish. The trouble is we’re a small community & do rely on each other. I’d also rather not fall out with anyone but how do I get shot of her without doing that?? I absolutely do not want to be friends. She maybe has one other person locally who messages her occasionally but that’s it. She’s NC with two of her three children (or maybe they’re NC with her) if that’s relevant.
So come on - please give me a steer, should I start dodging her messages & making excuses or should I just tell her I don’t enjoy her company?
You are not being unreasonable - start dodging.
You are being unreasonable- just tell her straight.