To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

This is exactly why I took a public sector job and have stuck with it for 22 years. Great pension and I know I’ll be OK when I’m older. I could probably earn more in industry but the pensions are always shocking. It’s about looking long term as early as possible.

@I8toys Yes you are right. People with a rural large detached house should downsize. That is a minority of people.

I have seen several older people making very silly choices which have negatively impacted them.

a couple in their 80s who moved 100s of miles away from family to live in a seaside town. Once they were there they complained about lack of accessible shops/medical care etc, how hard the winter was, how few friends they had. They were wealthy and could have easily afforded a holiday flat there.
Husband died within 2 years. Wife isn’t coping and has had to come back and live with relatives and is struggling with the stress of buying somewhere new again.

Friends wife has lost her driving license because of her sight. So they have moved from the middle of nowhere, near to a big village, so there are buses. But not IN the village, and there are no paths. So she is in effect still trapped in the house when friend isn’t there. It’s such an insane choice.

we know someone who pushed his parents to move from their massive house to a smaller more modern property with adjustment. His dad died through this process and his mum said if she had waited she wouldn’t have done it, and would be trapped where she was. I think there is a tipping point sometimes and if you don’t move, you just don’t.

The original question was We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop I down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial? There's nothing wrong with denial. I want to live in denial. I understand we're all fucked. I don't need to hear it. The most distressing thing I ever heard was a radio documentary where someone who worked with dying people said one of the people she was looking after didn't understand he was dying until she told him, then he cried but understood. I mean, why?

@SummerTimeIsTheBest I am lower paid. I used to be in the public sector. If I had stayed for 40 years I would have a better pension. But I hated the job and the pressures. So it really was not worth it. Present day matters too.

Apologies I agree its tricky and needs to be thought about carefully. There is something called a lifetime trust but again this could be viewed as deprivation of assets. Maybe just spend it all enjoying your life with your friends and family!

I don’t believe you can plan much, anyone of any age could potentially have a stroke/accident tomorrow and need full time care.

I have a plan, or is it a dream? ok..so it's a dream, reality is low wage jobs, social housing..minimal pension..The only planning I can do is living in a small council bungalow, we asked for a move from a 3 bed house and got one, work until I can't physically do it anymore.

People can only realistically plan ahead when they have the means. The housing crisis means my DC are unlikely to be even as lucky as me. Great eh!

I know we were desperate and at crisis point so we didn't have much choice. We tried to find somewhere in a town they loved near to all amenities. They would not have moved into a care home as FIL is still independent to some extent. Everything relating to elderly care is expensive.

I have it sorted by being Asian. DS will take care of me, or DD....

No, I am joking. They won't. It terrifies me sometimes as the women in my family live till a 100 or 96.

Also worried that I may have to fund DCs house deposits given London rents and that may not leave much for my care.

That is true but what about the boom years, how many bothered to save even a £1 a day and how many never gave a seconds thought to the future.
If folk can afford to buy lunch at work every day or a takeaway coffee they can afford to put a £1 a day into savings.
We all make decisions in life and sometimes we prioritise the wrong things.

That's the wrong figure to be looking at. It's the lifetime chance of being in care at some stage.

If the average 65 year old lives to 85 and spends the last year in a care home, at any one point only 5% over over 65s would be in a care home.Even though, under those assumptions, the probability of any given 65 year old ending up in a care home is 100%

Okay, so you save for a house deposit, then save to have kids, then save to send kids to university all while trying to have a life. I think the ideal is to own your own home that is well maintained before the age of 65. After that it depends on your aspirations. Do you need a holiday abroad, fancy car, to eat out frequently? If the answer is no because you have grown used to being frugal then what do you really need? These are the questions you need to ask.

So many are already in such a bad way long before retirement that even the meagre state pension comes as a welcome relief. Many in poor health are working minimum wage jobs just to survive.

You contradict yourself.

Plan for the future or spend it all while you can?

Don't forget saving for the DCs house deposits as is expected these days!

I do have a plan for when I start to become unable to care for myself. That plan is a one way trip to dignitas. I would rather just keel over first, but statistically it seems unlikely.

A DNAR only covers resuscitation when the heart has stopped. It doesn't cover not giving antibiotics.

This! Our aim is to have no debt, a mortgage paid off so a house to leave to our kids, a work pension each and a state pension each. We have life insurance that will pay for funerals. What more can anyone do?

My parents died aged 72 and 74 respectively. Both taken ill and dead within a week. I'm not wasting precious life making plans for something that may not even happen 🤷‍♀️

The median age for women to die is 82 years old. None of my parents and only one of my in laws lived this long. Only the one who lived until 89 needed any paid care. That was carers 4 times a day paid for by attendance allowance and their own income. No one ended up in a care home. Even amongst friends, parents who end up in a care home either have an awful disease that starts much younger, or they have bad dementia and can no longer manage alone.
What is helpful is to have money to pay for cleaners, ready made meals and taxis.
Live your life and enjoy it. I have also seen people save money for a rainy day that never really comes.

I’m not disagreeing with you I think. I should have used the term care package rather than home. I think I used home as my father has just gone into one as a self funder. But, it is no different in cost than a 4 times a day home visit was going to be. So the principal is the same that a lot of people's without funds will need expensive care packages paid for by the state.

It's difficult to plan for what you don't know. Do you need money for carers to come in, go in a care home, or will you be healthy and independent until the day you die?

People just expect the state to take care of them. That’s the UK for you

Euthanasia is no laughing matter.

Always look on the bright side of life.