To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

[OptimismvsRealism]

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

Me, too (well, similar, as have 2 girls with additional needs).
At the mo, I'm barely making it through each day, so simply don't have the capacity to think that far ahead.

Unfortunately I'm not next of kin but we did decline treatment for my mother ( she had already communicated this when she had capacity) she passed away rapidly but peacefully xx

Our plan is to move to a one-level house, lots of holidays and stay there till we are 75 and then we move to a retirement home, then a nursing home, if need be. Adult kids have a choice - they look after us or we spend the lot - they have suggested we spend the lot - everyone's happy.

I think people with an only child should think very carefully about how much they expect from their child in old age.

I am an only child, as are some of my friends, and we are all extremely worried and under a lot of pressure regarding supporting our parents.

Then it sounds like her next of kin have said they want her to have antibiotics. The home could not easily over ride this.

I can't plan more than I have. I pay into the pension, will downsize, have a will, POA, prepaid funeral plan. Can't magic up more savings though.

I’m the same, seriously worry for some of my friends who live their lives on credit. Though I will say that I’m tight as a ducks arse and if everyone was as frugal as me the economy would crash.

As I don’t know when I will die, when I will need carers and if I will need to go into a home a really can’t do much planning.

Theres plenty of decisions to make, planning to do that can increases the chances of you staying independent longer as you age, and keep you out of the carer system until you really it, and generally make things easier for both you and friends and family. In no particular order:

Have you done a PoA? Statement of wishes in the event you are incapacitated?
Is your house suitable? Eg Is it remote? How long does it take to get a taxi for example? Do you live in walking distance of shops, pharmacy, post office, GP surgery?
Are there many activities locally for retired people?
Are there good public transport links - is your bus stop nearby?
Does your house have a downstairs toilet? Could the house be easily adapted if your mobility was reduced, eg rails, stair lift, wet room instead of bathroom?
Do you keep your house in good repair? Is it modern and well insulated or old and draughty and prone to random things going wrong? Is it cluttered with stuff or well organised?
if you got taken into hospital tomorrow unconscious, do you have a list of emergency contacts handy for the emergency services to easily find?
Do you make an effort to eat a balanced diet, keep active with both cardiovascular and weight loading exercise (even a daily walk helps). Do you drink in moderation only, are you a smoker?

of course, none of this guarantees a better old age, shit can still happen - just look at Dr Michael Mosley. But making the right decisions in middle age onwards will make it so much better in the event you do get to old age.

Absolutely, mine is an only and it’s partly why I’m so careful with money, he also has his own retirement fund started.

I don’t want to save for a pension, I want to save for euthanasia. I want to go on my own terms

Doesn't that contradict your view that people should plan?

YANBU at all. I think it’s the elderly ‘culture’ in this country. The elderly people I know bought large country houses with huge gardens up back lanes ‘for retirement’, without giving a moments thought to how they would manage it as a frail older person with no nearby amenities and lots of stairs. They then have a lot of falls and constantly phone ambulances, in and out of A&E every few weeks, but refuse to move.

I have plans to downsize to a city centre flat when my youngest turns 25 (and I turn 55). I can’t think of anything worse than being cut off from the world in a draughty old house and relying on fed up neighbours and the NHS.

Everyone who thinks the elderly should just up and move somewhere appropriate- but not you now - so when exactly? At what precise age ?

The problem with that is that is that the law in Switzerland (which is where most Brits go who want to do this) is that the person seeking to die must give informed consent. If you develop dementia or another condition impacting your cognitive powers you are unlikely to be judged to be able to give informed consent. What will you do then?

This thread is full of people doing exactly what the OP is frustrated about. Doing nothing to plan for old age, the equivalent of stuffing fingers in ears and going la-la-la. You can tell which posters have had real life experience in dealing with these issues.

Exactly! The person above saying 75 might find it is too late by that point, or too early.

In short

Once you are an adult you should have a will and thought about power of attorney for whatever comes your way

You should have your finances easy to follow, your house should be free of junk and easy to empty - because the reaper might come for you tonight or in an accident tomorrow. Don't wait to death clear your house until you are old which never happens , old is always at least five years older than you whilst you are fit healthy and active

You should save what you can for your pension but there is no need to make excessive allowance for rare events like needing care or a home - if you own your home you should expect that to be your emergency fund

My plan is when my youngest is 25, so I’ll be 55. I’m going to buy a 2 bedroom city centre flat with a balcony and a lift. By the time I’m decrepit I’ll have lived there possibly 20+ years so it’ll feel homely and not discombobulating

Thank you, very wise and thoughtful of you. Good that your son has his own fund too in case, like me, he finds that he has to face old age on his own.

Yes I feel almost angry and I will be resentful when either my Dad or stepmum pass.

They have not planned at all for their old age as far as I can tell. We are not close as my Dad was a rubbish parent. We are LC.

I am an only child and neither of them has any other family. I don’t see either of them coping without the other and I will certainly be expecting calls from the other when the time comes. I am dreading it and don’t feel I want to help tbh.

My stepmum didn’t work for 20 years from her early 30s (no kids) and even though she inherited a house, somehow they have always been in debt and struggle to pay bills now. They are also hoarders and their house is a tip. They have separate finances and a few months back when Dad went to hospital, she couldn’t access his money to pay a bill.

I don’t know what will happen but I am dreading that phone call.

I have downsized to a small property, in Central London near everything, threw away all.my stuff, got rid of my car which saves money as well as keeps me healthy.... But now DC have boomeranged back because of the CoL and we are crowded in that small convenient property. When do you think people should downsize? Because all my friends have DC in their late 20s still living with them.

I deal with a lot of older people as part of my work and many do plan. They move to bungalows, they get Power of Attorney in place they have walk in showers installed etc. A lot of older people have a lot of money stashed away. But I honestly think a lot are also in denial. I get a lot of people in their nineties saying they never thought they'd end up like they have, it just kind of creeps up on many I think. It's very sad seeing the situations many end up in particularly people in their eighties and nineties battling ill health themselves trying to care for their spouse who is even worse than them and currently a lot being discharged from hospital with inadequate care packages and they feel like the system has abandoned them. It's really sad.

Can all those complaining confirm that there situation is currently ready for them to die or get ill tomorrow no matter what their age

Just interested in you are angry because you have sorted yourself or if you feel is "old people" who should be doing it and you are excused as you are young: busy : poor ( tbf, there isn't much you can do when you are poor but you can still get your will and PoA sorted )

If you are not quite poor I assume you are in a small house no more than 3 bed , extra kids in bunks , so you can save for the pension . Ditto no holidays if you haven't got your pension sorted

Because it's easy to tell others what to do when you are not in their situation

Loads of things that people can do, but far too many don't, ie.

Writing a will
Setting up power of attorney
Moving to an "OAP" friendly house/bungalow or sheltered/over 50 accom
Pension
Funeral plan
Moving somewhere with good public transport or walkable local amenities

Also things like actually giving some thought to what happens when their spouse dies before them if they're dependent, i.e. they don't drive, they don't know the household finances, they don't know the water stop cock, don't know the electric board, etc. All things that they could take more interest in/responsibility for whilst their spouse is alive and well!

Fgs who is more likely to be infirm in 5 years, a 40 year old or an 80 year old? Don’t be absurd