Reasons you wouldn’t move to US

[Preiu]

Dh has been offered a job in the US. The increase in salary would put us into a completely different wealth bracket but I really don’t want to move.

• fear of home invasion with guns
• school shooting - guns in general I guess
• American exceptionalism attitude annoys me
• Being away from family
• Not having Europe on doorstep

Can I ask if you have any other reasons

Whilst most of your reservations would not deter me, )apart from being so far from family and friends), I would be bothered about: length of contract (fixed period of a couple of years could feel like an adventure), whether you can work there (could have a big impact on your mental health), number of days holiday your DH will get (usually 10 days per year in US = nothing!) and the huge difference in cost of living, (my niece in DC pays her cleaner £120 for two hours!). However, there could be huge upsides to the opportunity. The States has the most varied landscape - certainly more diversity than Europe - you'd meet lots of new people and be part of a different culture and it could be a hugely uplifting experience for the family.

‘Would it be OK to say that I wouldn't want to go to England because of English people or Japan because of the Japanese, for example? Why is it OK to be so rude towards Americans?’

Except it’s not ‘ I hate Americans’ is it? It’s I don’t like that guns are readily available, I don’t like that the work culture is insane, I don’t like that you have to rely on cars so much etc…
As it happens I probably wouldn’t want to move to Japan, mainly because I don’t speak Japanese and it’s very far to get back to see family. I’m sure Japanese people
are fine…

I've lived in the US... California and Texas . The gun thing terrified me and I 100% wouldn't raise my kids there. I never had direct experience with guns but it was all around. A guy from our neighbourhood was shot at a cash point!, there was a killing spree at an ice cream parlour. Every day in the local news there was gun crime. And it was a 'nice' area.
The casual racism and rich/poor divide seemed worse too.

I actually observe more casual racism in the UK.

For example just a few months ago I was at Heathrow in the Terminal 5 waiting area. It was very crowded and impossible to keep an empty seat between you and the next party.

A young Black couple came and sat down next to an elderly (late 70s or early 80s) white British couple. The man looked apoplectic. He would not stay seated beside them, just stood up and hung about next to his wife. If there had been any other reason for him to be standing about DH or I would have been glad to offer him a seat.

I observe this kind of thing, perhaps less dramatic examples, too regularly. Cannot remember seeing anything similar during 15 years living in America

I'm betting you didn't live in the rural south.

@Pandadunks have you never been to Switzerland, Denmark, Sweden, Austria, Norway or Germany??? Come on, get out, travel and talk to people! Many Europeans believe that they are God's chosen people. Europeans may see you as an equal being a Brit and the accent and all that, but to any non visibly European person, it is quickly let known that Europe is God's chosen land. Seriously

True, and dem Grits,
Butter,
Maple syrup,
Iced tea,
Twinkies,
Churros,
Quarter pounders,
Mac n'cheese
Campbells soup tins

True but I have visited a lot. Many state universities in the south are located in small towns.

I love grits - proper ones are very similar to polenta - and iced tea in hot weather. Also proper maple syrup, which I don’t easily find in the UK. Mac and cheese is of course of variable quality.

Everything else on your list is, sadly IMO, readily available in the UK also so I am not sure what the point is?

Just the guns.

I'm off work sick today and I watched an episode of Modern Family where Manny and Luke had their first day at senior school, Lily had her first day at her new school and Cameron started a new job as a supply teacher. All I could think was "this is so unrealistic because the first thing they'd have to do in a new school is learn the crazed shooter lockdown routine".

On what basis were you thinking this? Did you or your DC have a first day of school in America including such a routine?

They can seem charming on the surface. I know people who live in the south who can attest to the part you don't see when you are just visiting. My brother had a terrifying experience when he encountered white supremacists in the south.

College towns do tend to be more liberal, though.

That’s unspeakably vile. I think you’re pointing up that culturally America is far from homogeneous, whereas I think casual racism in Britain is fairly homogeneous

@poetryandwine is that not the norm then? If not why not? I'll amend my list to

1. the guns
2. the lack of preparedness for pupils in schools or colleges in the event of a school shooter

A lot of your points are really closed minded, OP. You realise the United States isn't just "retail parks everywhere" - there is some absolutely stunning nature.

Good night @poetryandwine . Observing casual racism is different to living it daily.

Sweet dreams

‘I actually observe more casual racism in the UK. ’

you clearly haven’t EVER been in the south then ( where my family live) outside of big metro areas.

You’ve just named some of the most atheist countries, amazing!
also I’m not a Brit but I know that many Americans find that hard to understand

I can't speak to that, not knowing the UK well, but I know one thing. They didn't elect Farage. Americans elected, and are about to re-elect, a white supremacist.
That's all the evidence that America has more racists than the UK that I need.

And casual racism is different than thugs in the street attacking POC, those thugs including cops.
I'll definitely take the casual stuff if I have a choice.

But Farage has been elected within the UK - most recently to Westminster a week ago, but previously to the European Parliament.

Am I misunderstanding your point?

Trump, guns, needing health insurance, not many holidays from work.

😂 I’m sorry, what?

Gonna presume, given the OP, the OP’s partner’s job will have good insurance. The insurance goes with the job, generally.

I lived in NYC for 6 years and had a wonderful time, pre kids.

I think most of the considerations here should be disregarded. You aren't going to be shot or denied healthcare. Actually, you'll almost definitely have much better healthcare than you get on the NHS because your DH's job will cover insurance. The political bickering is annoying but you can tune out, and we have plenty of that in the UK too although granted it's not quite as divisive.

Actual downsides that will affect you are things like vacation allowance, working hours, being an outsider and having to make new friends. Inconsequential cultural differences might make you feel lonely: they like different sports, the sense of humour is different, political correctness is pretty extreme there so you have to be careful what you say.

other things to consider: what if one of you wants to leave but the other wants to stay - who "wins" that argument?

You haven't mentioned kids which is another huge consideration. Maternity rights are crap. I know one woman who gave birth to a very ill premature baby and was asked to go back to work immediately because "the baby is in NICU so you don't need childcare" (she told them to fuck off, thankfully). Another woman I know was back at work 2 weeks after a c section.

on the plus side, you'll have great holidays around south and north America that you probably wouldn't do otherwise.