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AIBU?

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Reasons you wouldn’t move to US

1000 replies

Preiu · 10/07/2024 14:08

Dh has been offered a job in the US. The increase in salary would put us into a completely different wealth bracket but I really don’t want to move.

  • fear of home invasion with guns
  • school shooting - guns in general I guess
  • American exceptionalism attitude annoys me
  • Being away from family
  • Not having Europe on doorstep

Can I ask if you have any other reasons

OP posts:
Thread gallery
36
JFDIYOLO · 11/07/2024 08:23

If I was allowed to edit again I'd add the SCORPIONS to my list 😬

knitnerd90 · 11/07/2024 08:35

If it's simply about moving, then you don't need any reasons. I like Canada just fine, but I don't want to move there. Every time a "moving to America" thread gets posted, though, it goes the same way.

Also, did you know that in polls, Americans support gun control and stopping school shootings? The reason that doesn't happen is politicians and restrictive Supreme Court rulings. It's foul, but it is not at all the same as "Americans are just fine with children getting shot in school." The real problem is that the people who are okay with it are the ones with the power to stop it. You'll notice I didn't argue with "the politics" on people's lists; my logic is just a little different about it.

CharlotteRumpling · 11/07/2024 08:39

I think people have been harsh on Americans in this thread. They are quite diverse, and many are deeply opposed to guns. I haven't lived there but have lots of family in red and blue states. Their experiences are varied too..No one size fits all.

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 08:41

CharlotteRumpling · 11/07/2024 08:39

I think people have been harsh on Americans in this thread. They are quite diverse, and many are deeply opposed to guns. I haven't lived there but have lots of family in red and blue states. Their experiences are varied too..No one size fits all.

Obviously.
But OP asked for reasons why posters wouldn’t want to move, and I gave mine as this subject has actually come up for us a few times over the years.

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 08:42

Coughsweet · 11/07/2024 07:46

The willy waving in this thread is ridiculous.

Mmm, what does that mean? I don’t have a willy for starters…

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 08:52

‘If you heard people speaking as ignorantly about the UK as people do about the US here’

Oh I have! Everything from our ‘socialist’ NHS with it’s ‘death lists’ to our tiny, cramped,
damp houses with not enough bathrooms, to how we’re lazy and never work hard because we’re always on vacation, to how you can’t go into London without being stabbed, to how we don’t drink water ( weird one that, they think Europeans don’t have access to drinking water, I think it’s from TikTok!) to being told we don’t have trees in the UK, to being complemented on ‘good American’ for someone from ‘overseas’ - I mean I could go in, but you get the point. Oh and don’t get me started on the whole ‘I’m actually half Irish, half Italian, Half Polish’ thing from people who are 10th generationAmericans…

meganorks · 11/07/2024 09:07

For me, the whole work culture would stop me moving my family to the US. Workers don't have many rights. They can be sacked pretty easily. Sick leave and pay is virtually non-existent. Dito for maternity. They also have less holiday. I know a few friends who worked there who tried to use 2 weeks holiday in one go and people were shocked and told them they couldn't. (They did as it turned there was nothing in their contract to stop them)
The major worry for me is around healthcare insurance being linked to your job. The whole thing seems geared around 'you work, no matter what'. But what happens if you are too sick to work? Or what if a child is so sick you need to take care of them? I'm sure insurance will cover things initially. But I'm also sure there will be restrictions/limitations or things that aren't covered. Then what?
Also, healthcare being linked to your job makes leaving much more complex. What if you hate your job but have great healthcare? Would you/could you leave?
Then obviously guns
Plus
Shitty food standards
Car culture
Cult-like hero worship of the flag and country
And I wouldn't want my kids pledging allegiance to the flag and doing active shooter drills

CharlotteRumpling · 11/07/2024 09:22

On healthcare, I can barely access my GP here unless I am dying...

knitnerd90 · 11/07/2024 09:26

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 08:52

‘If you heard people speaking as ignorantly about the UK as people do about the US here’

Oh I have! Everything from our ‘socialist’ NHS with it’s ‘death lists’ to our tiny, cramped,
damp houses with not enough bathrooms, to how we’re lazy and never work hard because we’re always on vacation, to how you can’t go into London without being stabbed, to how we don’t drink water ( weird one that, they think Europeans don’t have access to drinking water, I think it’s from TikTok!) to being told we don’t have trees in the UK, to being complemented on ‘good American’ for someone from ‘overseas’ - I mean I could go in, but you get the point. Oh and don’t get me started on the whole ‘I’m actually half Irish, half Italian, Half Polish’ thing from people who are 10th generationAmericans…

Quite. And as I've said, I speak up against it from Americans; it just so happens that this is a British website.

It's usually very clear that for Americans "I'm Irish" is shorthand for "I'm of Irish ancestry" and the arguments get a bit silly in my opinion. I've seen similar usage from Canadians. (I am Ashkenazi and the countries my grandparents and great-grandparents emigrated from considered Jews a separate ethnicity, so I truly have no horse in that race!) It's usually not 10 generations back unless they came in the potato famine, and the groups who have been here that long (English, Scots-Irish, the first wave of German immigrants) often don't even check off an ancestry box on the census.

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 09:30

Maybe the American’s should start another thread on ‘Why America is great’ or ‘Why you should move to America’ if they’re fed up of the responses?

When my job offered to relocate me to the Eastern side, with family, I have to admit that their work ‘culture’ of being seen to be available 24/7 when it really ISN’T necessary was a huge factor. I knew my work/life balance would be out the window.

But that’s because they can be let go at the drop of a hat - makes them paranoid, particularly as their family’s healthcare is tied to their jobs. No job, no healthcare.

we recently made redundancies - company wide. the US staff are quite literally told in the day, they gather their personal belongings and they leave the building with a month salary. The European staff - still in consultation several months later although most will go, but they will have 3-6 months notice, payouts and their healthcare isn’t solely dependent on our company.

It’s quite odd, you can have talked to a US colleague a couple of days ago then email them today and get a ‘I no longer work here’ out of office message with absolutely no warning.

OVienna · 11/07/2024 09:36

Preiu · 11/07/2024 05:25

I would find driving roads like this very depressing.

So in the area of the Midwest where my parents live, you would see this a lot. Not my favourite, either OP, and yes there are many parts of the country that look like this and others that don't too.

(I am now doubting a bit after this post of a picture whether this is a real request for info or an attempt to goad.)

The main advice you should take from this thread, IMO, is checking how the financial package your husband has been offered compares to the actual cost of living in the area where you will be based. The transplanted Brits posting on here are clearly in an economic bracket which makes life really nice in the US - which it absolutely can be.

I have friends that moved back to the UK from a high cost US state after a year this year as they couldn't make the financial side of things work for various reasons. Thankfully, they hadn't sold their house here. I am having lunch with a friend who moved back to the US from here and hasn't looked back, as well. So.

Find out what would happen if your husband got made redundant while out there - would he have the right to work for another company and/or would they send you home?

You should take a trip and visit the area and see what you think as about the environment before committing. Have you ever been to the States?

In CT/NY state if you mean the commuter-belt areas to NY the real estate taxes are very high but you will have great schools. The numbers I mentioned above pertain to areas like this. People have mentioned the amazing amount of space in US homes - this is true in many cases compared to the UK but may be less true in this area, given the high costs. Don't know where you are in the UK but the house size might not be worth crossing the Atlantic for.

People start saving for university there virtually at birth. Your kids need to be back in the UK for I think three years before starting uni in order to benefit from local tuition costs. Something not to forget but also to keep an eye on, if you do go.

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 11/07/2024 09:37

Not being able to have an abortion if I needed one

Gun crime

WrittenInTheSand · 11/07/2024 11:27

(I am now doubting a bit after this post of a picture whether this is a real request for info or an attempt to goad.)

I don't believe it's real either. It's just yet another America bashing thread. It's pathetic.

You could do it about other places in the world, there's certainly a lot of bad things you could say about the UK, which is where I currently live and where a lot of those slagging off America on this thread will live. Originally I'm from Italy, which is often romanticised on here, but the reality of living there is very different.

HorsesDuvets · 11/07/2024 11:31

Originally I'm from Italy, which is often romanticised on here, but the reality of living there is very different.

Well it's definitely not as shit as America.

JFDIYOLO · 11/07/2024 11:32

I'm waiting for the Daily Mail article

IJustFarted · 11/07/2024 11:38

HorsesDuvets · 11/07/2024 11:31

Originally I'm from Italy, which is often romanticised on here, but the reality of living there is very different.

Well it's definitely not as shit as America.

Quite a few Americans I know say the UK is a shit left wing hell hole.

WrittenInTheSand · 11/07/2024 11:50

Well it's definitely not as shit as America.

Having been born there and lived there as a young woman, I disagree. I'd never want to go back. England is ok but I'd choose America out of the places I've lived.

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 11/07/2024 11:54

Pandadunks · 11/07/2024 08:08

You don’t get Europeans running around saying that THEIR country is the best in the world, somehow magically blessed by god.
I have had this conversation with American’s who seem genuinely perplexed that no, I don’t think the USA is the greatest country in the world.
Nor do I think MY country is the greatest in the world.
Because I don’t think there is A greatest country…

Ever spoken with a French person?

SerafinasGoose · 11/07/2024 11:56

I loved my three years living in the US (Maine). The eastern seaboard has beautiful areas with friendly, lovely and welcoming people. Cape Cod, those stunning clapboard houses with widows' walks on the top, the White Mountains, Connecticut Valley, Acadia National Park and the rocky Maine coastland and islands are a far cry from the blocky retail parks springing up everywhere, in Europe too. Further south Chesapeake Bay and the Blue Ridge Mountains are wonderful. Maine has a low crime rate, winters are cold and long and the national parks get quite crowded in the summer. As for terrible food - granted, but the seafood up there makes up for it. Oh, and the beautiful sunsets across Penobscot Bay, listening to the loons laughing on the lakes, and the far-carrying hoot of great horned owls in the woods. I miss those sounds.

The down-sides people upthread have already noted. Fewer holidays, pain in the backside obtaining bank accounts and a social security number, awful politics as regards women's rights and concerns over gun crime. The recent report of this occurence in Maine shook me a good deal: if it can happen in that quieter corner of the US it can happen anywhere.

Just a few things focusing on the positive as well as the negative. I seriously considered staying, and it would have been a good quality of life if I had, likely better than here (especially given the way in which the sector I work in has worked out). I'm not sorry to be home. I love our seasons, wit, our left and right politics are more clustered around the centre which is more comfortable in general for us British, and there is no Project 25. But with some notable regional exceptions, what's sometimes called the British 'reserve' can be more tantamount to cynicism and pessimism. I seem to find a friend everywhere I go in the eastern US.

Swings and roundabouts.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 11/07/2024 11:57

Preiu · 11/07/2024 05:25

I would find driving roads like this very depressing.

No idea where you've found that pic and how it relates to where you will live in Connecticut but what I will say is do not move unless sborh you and the husband are on the same page. Moving when one of you clearly doesn't want to will lead to resentment and many times end marriages and this can lead to complications in the US as you may not be able to move back to the UK with your kids if your husband or ex doesn't support the move.

Everything you've said so far is all stereotypes but given you already have your firm negative view of the US you're better off not going. Time to have a heart to heart conversation with your husband.

I live in Chicago and live in an area and house I could never afford to live in if I was still in london in the same career field and I assure that I don't drive or live in the type of road you posted. I like 25 bike ride to a beautiful lake front, quick bike ride to lovely museums and a small family beach, . The US is large but somehow you keep finding the worse case and making it out as the norm when it isn't and the way you already worded your question here confirms so just speak to your husband and let him know you don't want to go and move on.

I've lived in the US 9 years and never had one interaction with the police, the average law abiding American has no issues with the police like you're painting.

And frankly at this point I'm thinking this is just a troll post. We all know asking questions like this will lead to tons of answers and arguments.

WrittenInTheSand · 11/07/2024 11:58

Quite a few Americans I know say the UK is a shit left wing hell hole.

Some of my friends back in America definitely think that the UK seems like a bad place to live. Some of their points are valid and some are exaggerated things that I blame the media for, much like on this thread. I don't really slag it off, it's my home for now and where my children were born. There are good and bad points to it, just like anywhere else.

Wexone · 11/07/2024 12:02

Preiu · 11/07/2024 05:25

I would find driving roads like this very depressing.

Did a three week drive by holiday in USA two years ago - not all roads like that in USA - Some stunning scenery, there are depressing roads to drive in UK too.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 11/07/2024 12:03

neveraneasylife · 11/07/2024 06:04

My brother married over there and went to live in California about 12 years ago. He had no kids and said it's not safe to raise children. He said it's not safe anywhere. The police are not safe. He said you don't want to get pulled over by the police and if you do, do exactly what they say. Guns everywhere. Healthcare insurance required. Earthquakes. Coyotes so no outdoor pet cats. Hard to get a job unless you're American. Good is expensive (but far better quality) That's what he told me.

Hahaha what rubbish, why hasn't he returned to the UK? So you're saying your brother gave you the desire to have kids because the US is so unsafe but didn't make the logical decision to return to the UK so he could have his kids in safety? 😂

WrittenInTheSand · 11/07/2024 12:04

You don’t get Europeans running around saying that THEIR country is the best in the world, somehow magically blessed by god.

Many Italians definitely do that. Religion comes into everything ime. I hated it.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 11/07/2024 12:07

JFDIYOLO · 11/07/2024 11:32

I'm waiting for the Daily Mail article

Haha you know it's coming lol

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