To think that my child daughter can have equally awesome childhood as I did?

[NotAlexa]

Long post, but hopefully can give a sufficient preamble to show where my concerns about modern generation and safety stem from.

When I was 2-3 (from words of my entire family), I could not comprehend why children were crying next to a wagon with sweets. I understand now that it is because i didn't know what sweets were until the age of 7, where i was introduced to Kinder Surprise. Before, I had carrot and apple for sweet tooth.

When I was 6, I actively resorted not making friends with any kid that cried. Errr, so embarrassing being seen with a loud trouble maker. From that age until about 12, I exclusively preferred playing rough, climbing trees, and running wild. A few scars on the leg are a great reminder of fun i had outdoors, while my neighbours helped stitch me up until my mother returned home from a bit of shopping.

When I was 7, I would l go to school alone, crossing 2 unregulated roads with no traffic lights. because apparently i made a huge fuss when my mum was dropping me off, and told her off for not trusting me. Needless to say, I was a formidable kid!

When I was 10, in summer me and my friend (then 12) would get a bus across the city to get on a ferry to then go up and down the hill to reach UNESCO beach (Curonian Spit if interesting to anyone). All alone. No supervision. We would prepare ourselves sandwiches and all sort of junk food and fruit and spend entire day sunbathing and swimming in the sea. We did that until 16. Every summer. We were never stopped doing something because we were too young. And never have we been asked where were our parents. Although some doggy alcoholics did approach us once or twice, we just gave them cold shoulder and the looks of disgust.

Nowadays, I barely ever see kids roaming the streets. I live in a quiet town in SW England, with low crime rate and it baffles me as to why kids are always always being supervised. They are only playing in playgrounds, being told off for making mess, being obliged to when they are asking for sugar and having tantrums!

I worked in the University Gym when I was a student, and i remember many many parents coming with their adult children (freshers at Uni) to buy a membership for them. The so called adults would hover behind their parents shoulders and let the parent speak. It was soooo odd! I mean, they are going to the gym, not parents; they are responsible for their own health and wellbeing, it will be their signature on the admissions form.

I am 30 years old, pregnant with my first child, and am very worried about this 'coddling' society. Is it just a phase in the society do you think? Or are we indeed keeping children on leashes so tight that they do not learn independent thinking and risk assessment?

I do agree with some aspects of your post. There is definitely a lot of helicopter parenting going on. People are afraid to let their children take risks and that I think is contributing to this generations children being more anxious and more risk averse but also probably less fit, less agile, less competitive (because God forbid we actually let children experiencing losing at anything!) and less streetwise. I think they are having a loss less fun and freedom. I also agree that children aren’t as welcome on our streets and green spaces anymore which is sad.
I do however think some parts of your post are odd and probably not a reflection of most people’s experiences. I’m a good bit older than you and I think it would have been unusual for a child not to have tasted sweets or have any concept of them until age 7! I would say you had a lot of freedom, possibly too much, from too young an age.
What do you mean when you say you just wouldn’t hang around with the kid who cried because it was embarrassing? It sounds like you are almost applauding having a lack of empathy and possibly suggesting that this approach could socialise kids out of being ‘difficult’. Like children didn’t behave in certain ways because it meant no one would play with them. That’s an overly simplistic way of looking at things and suggests a real lack of tolerance. Todays kids are more aware of difference and I think that’s a good thing.

The aforementioned activities were meant as examples of being out in the world thinking for themselves about different situations, which with your dismissive stance, you probably wasnt privy to

I totally agree with you OP. My younger teen wants to play out more but other parents are terrified of them taking a bus, playing outside without supervision in case they get "snatched" or attacked or filmed, it's holding back their independence imo, we've gone wrong in this country and it's not only giving kids anxiety but it's not allowing them to grow.

My kids had eaten the occasional sweet but never had Macdonald's til they were maybe in juniors and went to parties, so I don't think you are weird OP and definitely not neglected as others have said!

Thanks all for your answers, there is definitely a lot to take in! And so glad i posted it, because it just shows the huge differences in parenting styles within same society. I'm definitely not loosing my hope here!

There were a few mentions of 'coddling' and helicopter parenting, and I realised I actually read Jonathan Haidt Coddling of American mind; unfortunately it was years ago and I was super quick at dismissing it as 'American culture phenomenon', where children are not potty trained until 3 and don't sleep at night for whole year of their lives.

After a few mentions of this style parenting, I bought 2 books last week, which I found most illuminating! One is by Pamela Druckerman ' Bringing up bebe' and another is by clinical children psychologist Nigel Latta ' Politically incorrect Parenting book'. I've already finished the Druckerman and moved on to Latta, who ultimately summarises what Druckerman was saying about French parenting (I would say it is European, because that's exactly how i was brought up).

Last weekend we went to see our PIL, who have 3 children and one is a primary school teacher. She told us how she gets 5 year olds still in nappies and doing tantrums because they don't get their ways. My husband and I found it wild. However PIL were given a summary of 'French parenting' from Druckerton and we went through this, and they thought it was just common sense and they brought up their 3 kids exactly same way: they were all potty trained as soon as they can sit, ate vegetables from 4 months old (mashed obviously), didn't do chocolates until 5-7, slept through the night since they were 2 months old!!! This was a revelation to me, so I obviously had to call my mother and ask her of her experience. My mum is same age as my DH's sister, so there is a huge generational difference, and obviously cultural one too. However!!!! despite generational and cultural difference, my mum repeated in exact words what MIL has said - I slept since 3 months of age through the night, was potty trained before i could walk, and never had eating tantrums because (quoting here) "my palate was developed enough to handle adult food" albeit mashed obviously.

So ladies and gents, thanks very much again for your replies - most illuminating and definitely gives a huge amount of perspective!

God speed. I hope you train your human to be exactly how you want it 🙏

Early potty training can create many issues. Look up Dr Steve Hodges if you're interested. I changed my mind after listening to him.

To clarify, 5 is late but I would not recommend potty training a child under 3.

Again, wait until your child is here before making judgements. Potty training before you can walk and sleeping through the night from two months is...... Unusual 😆 Every child is different so if you go into parenthood expecting a robot baby /child, you'll be sorely disappointed.

Why not?
Both mine were potty trained by 2.5, completely dry during the day. And it only took about a week for them to get the hang of it.