To think that my child daughter can have equally awesome childhood as I did?

[NotAlexa]

Long post, but hopefully can give a sufficient preamble to show where my concerns about modern generation and safety stem from.

When I was 2-3 (from words of my entire family), I could not comprehend why children were crying next to a wagon with sweets. I understand now that it is because i didn't know what sweets were until the age of 7, where i was introduced to Kinder Surprise. Before, I had carrot and apple for sweet tooth.

When I was 6, I actively resorted not making friends with any kid that cried. Errr, so embarrassing being seen with a loud trouble maker. From that age until about 12, I exclusively preferred playing rough, climbing trees, and running wild. A few scars on the leg are a great reminder of fun i had outdoors, while my neighbours helped stitch me up until my mother returned home from a bit of shopping.

When I was 7, I would l go to school alone, crossing 2 unregulated roads with no traffic lights. because apparently i made a huge fuss when my mum was dropping me off, and told her off for not trusting me. Needless to say, I was a formidable kid!

When I was 10, in summer me and my friend (then 12) would get a bus across the city to get on a ferry to then go up and down the hill to reach UNESCO beach (Curonian Spit if interesting to anyone). All alone. No supervision. We would prepare ourselves sandwiches and all sort of junk food and fruit and spend entire day sunbathing and swimming in the sea. We did that until 16. Every summer. We were never stopped doing something because we were too young. And never have we been asked where were our parents. Although some doggy alcoholics did approach us once or twice, we just gave them cold shoulder and the looks of disgust.

Nowadays, I barely ever see kids roaming the streets. I live in a quiet town in SW England, with low crime rate and it baffles me as to why kids are always always being supervised. They are only playing in playgrounds, being told off for making mess, being obliged to when they are asking for sugar and having tantrums!

I worked in the University Gym when I was a student, and i remember many many parents coming with their adult children (freshers at Uni) to buy a membership for them. The so called adults would hover behind their parents shoulders and let the parent speak. It was soooo odd! I mean, they are going to the gym, not parents; they are responsible for their own health and wellbeing, it will be their signature on the admissions form.

I am 30 years old, pregnant with my first child, and am very worried about this 'coddling' society. Is it just a phase in the society do you think? Or are we indeed keeping children on leashes so tight that they do not learn independent thinking and risk assessment?

It seems you grew up in Lithuania 20-30 years ago.

Do you still leave there?

I am guessing every parent takes into account the environment a child grows up in. It's going to be different all over the world.

I wouldn't be snooty over kids that cry. You have no idea what they are going through/have gone through/how they process emotions. You never know what kind of human being you are going to create. I feel sorry for them already, you sound like you are going to be very disappointed in them if they don't live up to your very high expectations.

😂😂😂

@oakleaffy I still love exploring derelict places!

I think the only time I was mildly scared was when I was flashed on my own in the middle of nowhere at 13 when we were living in Portugal but I threw a rock at him and he ran away 😅

Sounds like we had similar childhoods!

Also...It's SO different now, compared to even 40 yrs ago, never mind further back.

There have always been ''Bad men'' - but statistically they are more likely to be known to the child.

''Tossers'' {Men openly masturbating} as they were known back then were always around, unfortunately.

I think times ARE more dangerous, and my son, now an adult, agrees.
More people, more traffic, many more drugs -even outside Tetbury in a green lane there was drug litter dumped- Heroin and crack cocaine litter where someone had pulled up for a session in their vehicle. {Tyre tracks} and dumped the evidence openly.

How do I know that's what it was?..Worked for a drugs service for a while..

Drug use is absolutely everywhere. Wealthy villages and run down estates.

I don't think what you've described is anything envious. It sounds like you were awfully neglected and somehow you think this is amazing. At 7, your parents failed to ensure your safety and seemed like they couldn't do with the fuss from you so just left you to do whatever, rather than you thinking that you were some brave and responsible child. Very neglectful imo.

Absolutely the same perspective I have too!

I would have noted you as a troublemaker/ difficult and felt sorry that your parents didn't seem to bother.

When your child is born, your protective instincts may kick in and you may find yourself deviating from your strong ideals. I would go with what feels natural to you.

I grew up with parents who left me to my own devices. I felt unloved. That’s why I have gone the other way with my kids. They know I will always have their back. No regrets so far.

You just wait. My son, who is 8 was brought back home by a pair of old ladies, as he was walking on a path near our home on his own. They came to my door on a Sunday morning, and basically berated me for letting him walk 200meters alone (on a private path with only very few vehicle access, only those with a key can get through) , they told me "anyone from anywhere could be in the path and take him"...he has been wary of walking on his own ever since, he used to do that little walk a couple of times a day for exercise and exploring as it's a lovely nature walk. 😕

I was given a lot of independence as a child and my children are also independent for their age, they also have zero problem performing on a stage and are confident. However, one is autistic and sometimes can't go into school, I don't 'indulge' it, I just understand it's not possible for her some days. For other children, they may not be able to go on stage, may not feel comfortable walking to and from school alone at primary age, or many other things.

We can encourage independence and give age appropriate opportunities but also accept individual differences and comfort levels.

while my neighbours helped stitch me up until my mother returned home from a bit of shopping.

How's the concept of safety not explained to them since the age they can run?

Why did you cut yourself? Why did you fall over? Why didn’t your parents put forward the concept of responsibility to you?

And why did they abrogate responsibility for their wounded child so you had to rely on your poor neighbour?

Yes! Well done for throwing the rock.

Being flashed at is horrible.

They do it to scare.

A French exchange girl who grew in Paris and near the Spanish border said she too had similar experiences - seems men can be universally gross - Flashing at children.

There were many more derelict places back then- Lots of development had yet to take place.

This film is amazing... the London that Nobody Knows... It features the rougher image of London, including the back yard where one of Jack the Ripper's poor victims lay - how different London was back then, and so few high rise buildings.

Kids ran around in ''gangs'' but they weren't the ''stabby'' druggy type gangs.

Instead are the ''Dodgy Alcoholics'' that OP mentions...Meths men.

www.dailymotion.com/video/x5h8w0m

You had a nanny and an au pair. So your parents didn't actually do much parenting.

I was very 'judgemental' as a Pregnant mother...Had ideas on what I would and would not be doing...I actually thought that when our child was sixteen that he or she would be off our hands and living their own independent life!

I remember telling Mum and she side eyed me.

When the child is landed, one is smothered with an instinct to keep them safe -{I was at any rate}
The ''independent by 16''....that is just comically bad.

The theory of being a parent is easy.

The ''Practice'' is hard.

{I also never imagined that my husband would leave...I thought we would be together for life} 🤔

I think the epidemic of anxiety we are seeing in teens and young adults currently is partly a result of having very “controlled” childhoods where every hour of every day is lead through prescribed activities at school and then leisure time with parents who are chauffeuring them about and ever present.

Most mammals have a childhood that involves free playing in groups and that is what we are missing nowadays. Children learn how to cooperate, trust in themselves and each other, and how to temper aggression through play.

Learning is not as effective when done second hand or through a screen.

We have some farm animals and it’s amazing what dc of seven years old can do and how responsible they can be. I realise it’s easier to teach independence and responsibility in that setting, but generally speaking, people underestimate children’s abilities and have too low expectations of them. And dc as a result get bored and frustrated and doubt their own competence.

Whilst I understand what you are saying OP, with respect when your baby is born I think you will change your mind on a lot of things.

Lithuania in the late 90s/early 2000s isn't comparable to 2024. You know this. It's probably why you moved! (I say that as a fellow immigrant to the UK.)

How many kids in Lithuania are having the childhood you had, but right now in 2024?

By the way, it is okay to cry. I hope you won't teach your child not to cry. Not being allowed to express emotions isn't good for kids.

Well do what your parents did if that's what you want. Let your daughter walk to school alone at 7. Tell her to go out all day and not tell you where she is. Don't allow her any sugar. Tell her not to cry or make friends with children who cry (not sure how crying makes them a trouble maker). If that's what you want to do.
Obviously I'm being sarcastic. You sound so judgemental of parents, despite not being one just yet. You give appropriate independence based on age and understanding. I got criticism for letting my 10 year old walk to school alone. My sister couldn't believe I let my young teenagers go down town alone.
So yes some parents are OTT but it's easy enough to give independence if you want to.

Also... you clearly didn't have an average Lithuanian/Eastern European/English childhood if you had an au pair and a nanny 🙄

You win OP. You had the best childhood and you know best.

As my user name suggests, I'm quite old and all my friends and I had a great deal of freedom when we were children. Much more than I see today's children have. Nothing to do with neglect, or not being loved. It was different times and different parenting styles. We didn't look to our parents to entertain us during the long holidays, or at the weekends, nor did we expect them to. In my friendship group we would do whatever our chores were, and then we would play out most of the day until it was time to go in for lunch or dinner. However, times change and today's parents are much, much more involved in their children's lives, and no doubt when these children become parents, they will have their own methods.

Times have changed a lot. As a child, we could just get on our bikes and go wherever we wanted and be out for hours with no way of being contacted. It was quite a free time.

I actually gave my children a fair amount of freedom too. Probably more than they actually took because they had a lot more technology than I did as a child and they often would rather do that indoors. But they still did have a lot of unsupervised play outside without parents hovering.

What a weird oddly braggy post.

Sounds like you had a rather neglected childhood, not a lovely one!

Each to their own I guess.

I'm a lot older than you and an 80s kid who was allowed the typical freedoms but I didn't enjoy sports or playing outdoors. I was happier at home reading, writing or playing with my toys. I socialised but preferred playing with friends at their houses than running wild.

My point is that your child might have a completely different personality than you and enjoy totally different things. You can't be so prescriptive as to follow exactly how things panned out in your own childhood.

You might have a child with SEN or other difficulties. I think you're also getting way ahead if you planning all this. The first two years of having a kid can be brutal - just aim to get through those before planning out a lifelong plan for your kid. You need to be responsive to what they're like as an individual, not what you want them to be.

Here’s the thing OP with the best will in the world you will have a child who is their own person regardless of all your big plans. As ab example I was an avid reader growing up and I have done everything to pass that love on to my daughter.. the library visits and the magazine subscriptions the endless books but sadly ( to my mind) she is not interested at all. You may well end up with a nervous, shy or anxious child who cries at the drop of a hat and how are you going to cope with that. Until such time as you’ve actually tried it for yourself I would strongly suggest keeping your opinions about your marvellous parenting abilities to yourself.