What's your secret, selfish fantasy life?

[hairymclary45]

I preface this by saying I love my dh and my dc very much and I know I'm lucky to have them and a job and a roof over our heads etc etc etc.

However my entire life revolves around my obligations to everyone else. Work, clubs, housework, weekends taken up with kids parties or activities. No childcare so dh and I rarely get a break.

I would never wish their childhood away but sometimes (egged on by instagram probably) I think about a selfish, solitary life and what it would look like for me.

I've decided I'd love a very small cottage or flat. Our house is big but full of clutter and crap. I love the idea of having a tiny space where everything I own is either necessary or precious. I would live somewhere in the country, maybe a little market town where I could take myself out early for a lovely walk in nature with my dog. Then go to an independent cafe for a breakfast and coffee. I'd go home, light a fire, read and watch tv all day. Then I'd have a nice bath, get myself dolled up and go to a local pub to watch the football and have a meal.

In reality I'd probably enjoy this for a day or so before I'd miss my kids and my ridiculously busy routine. But it made me wonder what everyone else's dream, selfish, solo life would be.

Love this thread.
Oooo I would live in a house on my own in Tenby. A flat would be ok but it would have to be a massive one with a balcony. My days would be filled with pottering, driving around the area, eating delicious food. I’d see friends and family now and again but most of the time I’d be on my own just smelling the air, reading, walking, cooking.

or a house in rural Ireland but near the coast and a lovely town, on my own.

I know in both scenarios I’d be crying of loneliness on day 2 but it’s a nice dream

In my fantasy life:

I'd own a house outright, which has larger bedrooms, a massive kitchen, more than one reception room, a sunroom, a large room to make a gym, a utility room and a cellar. It would have a garage where we could put all our camping gear. I'd be wealthy enough to not NEED to work...I'd just work part time and term time (while kids are young). I'd have a large garden, which would have a greenhouse, a potting shed and a summerhouse and there'd be a giant catio on one side of house, so the cats can go in and out whenever they want but be safe. I'd surround myself with books, cats, my kids and just potter about. I'd get back into playing the flute, do loads of cooking, have friends over. Once the kids are older, I'd study loads, buy a house in the ME (where I'm from originally), volunteer with Medicins sans frontiers and divide time between UK and ME. Perfect :D

These ex-fishermen's cottages are actually pretty cold and miserable inside, even in summer! But I know the places you are talking about. I think you might find what you are after further down the coast, in Kirkcaldy or maybe Leven. Very cheap property prices there and very good transport links to Edinburgh. Leven will soon have a rail link to Edinburgh as well.

Alternatively, further north in Arbroath you might just find what you are looking for: some lovely tiny cottages facing the sea!

In my fantasy life I live in a new build 2 bed terrace house, just myself and 2 ragdoll cats.
Although small, I have a beautiful garden, filled with roses, peonies and a pergola covered in wisteria, which I sit under on a warm summers morning. Also in my garden is a shepherds hut where I run my side hustle, being a beauty therapist giving massages and facials.
I don't have a tv, and my home is filled with books and a piano instead. My oven has never been used so it still spotlessly clean. And I have one of those boiling water taps too for instant cups of tea, but also means my kitchen sides are spotless with nothing cluttering them.
I'm working as cabin crew for BA so work a mix of long haul (with decent layovers!) and short haul, allowing me to travel and explore the world. Holidays are spent on cruises which I spend with my children (I'm paying so they are all happy to join!).
My social life is full and bustling - I volunteer for the local food bank, and the Samaritans, run the local WI, I am actively involved with local community projects.
I also swim each week, and attend the local theatre watching plays.

Random fact though - Taylor Swift wrote a song about her secret fantasy life called "I hate it here". I love to listen to it on my commute to work

I'd live on my own in one of the beautiful apartment buildings near the Tate Modern, working in the City but senior enough that I'd be winding down my working hours etc / doing lots of consultancy type work. Lots of international travel with friends. Not much cooking, instead eating out here there and everywhere. On weekends in London I'd wake up late and wander down to Paul or Gail's with a good book for a few hours. Maybe I'd have an allotment nearby (I imagine allotments are thin on the ground in Zone 1?).

My reality is basically the opposite: left City work young, married, young family, huge amounts of clutter and chaos, very little time to myself, so much cooking and laundry.

I'd be living in a villa with a swimming pool in spain or greece, fairly close to a marina or beach where I could take my yacht out whenever I fancy it. It would not be too touristy, there would be one or two lovely restaurants, and relaxed cocktail bars. In the evenings I could sit outside and have lovely food overlooking my lit up swimming pool. Sounds of the cicadas would be surrounding me and I could lie on my sun lounger looking up at the clear night sky.

In the winter I would go to a semi remote english cottage with a roaring fire, comfiest sofa and books. I would get hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows from the local cafe in the small market town nearby, along with my groceries after a brief period of socialising in the country pub where I would have just had the most gorgeous roast dinner.

None of this involves working in any form, any relationships, or any children. Take me there

@Subfusc that's a really good question. There is social pressure to couple up and have kids, always has been and always will be. And I think it's only when you have them that you fully understand the rigidity of the life you've chosen.

Obviously it varies depending on how much help and money you have, but I know that for me, my life certainly isn't my own at the moment. I get the opportunity to attend classes and see friends now and then but it requires effort and planning and isn't part of my daily life which overall, is a slog and centred around other people's needs.

Your friend's life sounds blissful but I suppose it could get lonely. And I'm certain we all think the grass is greener and long for the opposite of what we have. I wouldn't swap my kids and family life for the world but I do crave some alone time and freedom.

I am so so lucky in that I live alone in a lovely little cottage with my dog, work (mostly) at my dream job as an author and have enough money (with a day job) to get by. I please myself, have a fabulous time and all is good.

However... I also have a fantasy life where I can travel whenever I want and call it research (the dog restricts my ability to down tools and head off for the weekend), possibly in a campervan, which I park on the top of cliffs and enjoy the beauty of the natural world around me whilst cooking outdoors and sitting round a campfire with the wind in my hair being 'creative'.

In reality I prefer to write in my bed and eat ready meals whilst getting much of my research done on Google. But 'image' me is far more 'authorly' than real me.

I’d love to have a beautiful period flat or small townhouse in London, and work enough at my craft business to pay my bills but not so many hours that I don’t have leisure time. To be able to eat out once a week, and to sometimes have fresh croissants breakfast in a little local bakery or coffee place, and to be able to go to the theatre a couple of times a month to see a ballet, musical or a play. To have a small group of friends who I can spend time with, and adult children who actually want to spend time with me rather than months at a time going by without a text or a call. More than anything my dream would not to be lonely like I am currently.

I don't spend much time fantasing about a different life any more, I definitely used to but divorce cured that nicely.

However, I wouldn't be too upset if I was based in the inland Bali of about 30 years ago, in a beautiful hardwood open plan house with lots of wafty white linen curtains and palms and water features with a view of the rice fields. My OH would be based with me about 50% of the time, he would also spend lots of time in Scandinavia. My kids would be set up wherever they were happy, mostly BC Canada, and Greek islands, and have jobs that allowed them to frequently work remotely from my house which they would do.

I'd have lots of disposable income that magically appeared in my bank account which enabled me to travel all over the world and come and go as I please. I would also run retreats for stressed out mothers, they would stay in the bungalow in the garden, and the staff would include massage therapists, cleaners, chef, housekeeper and gardnener and a very hot great company man who looked after the infinity pool that my OH was absolutley fine with me shagging when the fancy took me.

I would ride into town on my motorbike every evening or pick up one of the kids from the airport, and meet interesting well travelled friends and acquaintances for cocktails or have people over for dinner. Then I would sleep like a baby and do it all again. That would definitely do.

I would come home from work to a hug rather than a telling-off. I would be good enough. @DiscontentedPigThis is so sad, as a previous poster has said, I hope you can change your circumstances to achieve this immediately 💐

I’d live in a little cottage in Snowdonia, that I’d fill with old wooden furniture, books, and cosy things. I’d spend my days walking in the mountains, gardening, making things, playing musical instruments, cooking nice food, napping. I’d magically have enough money without having to work. It’s interesting how many of us crave similar things, a simpler, less busy lifestyle, but here we are stressed and overworked and hooked on social media.

Having enough money so that my husband and I would not have to work 🤣 or even do just a little of an enjoyable job, and just enjoy our house and our kids. This 40 hour a week just doesn't allow to do much. I would settle for a job that gives me the same amount of holidays as my kids have....

Do people only have these solitary beach house dream lives be cause they have spouses and children?

Yes, I expect so! That life would certainly not have appealed to me in my 20s. I think many people appreciate solitude and feel less need to be surrounded by people in middle age.

@hairymclary45 This sounds like a perfect weekend away! Find yourself a little AirBnB and live the dream while DH takes care of the kids.

Well said. It's so all of nothing for me at the moment.
I want occasional spontaneity, some free time, occasional but regular solitude... and then I'd be very happy.
At the moment it's the grip of responsibilities 365 and I'm never alone. 🤯

I have a very nice life, but if I could change anything I'd have all the time in the world to do kayaking and canoeing, plus associated volunteering and stay on top of the garden, I'd have a cross between a campervan and minibus so I could go on trips and also take the team to tournaments, I'd either be having a freewheeling romance with a hot kayaker or DH would appreciate me. I'd have a couple of cats and be at target weight.

I very nearly did "do" my fantasy life when I was separating from my ex, but I met my now husband before I jumped. If not, I would have done it, for a short time at least.

Living in a tree house high up on a Canadian maple tree.

One that's a bit more realistic is...

Having a full time housekeeper/nanny who works 7-3 Monday to Friday. They can get the kids ready for drop off then takes them to school. I get up around 8 and leave the housekeeper to clean/tidy and prepare meals for the day then head for a run/gym/yoga.

I do school pick up and we can come home knowing everything is taken care of.

Husband also doesn't work so he can spend his days doing what he needs to do.

Weekends can be spent as a family without the drudge of domesticity. We don't have any money worries so we can do something fun every single weekend and not stress about the cost.

We may or may not have a dog in this equation, maybe the housekeeper could take it for the morning walk on the school run, I could do the afternoon and husband could do the evening. We could afford a dog walker/sitter for the occasions we wanted to go away.

A bigger house with a bit of a bigger garden so everyone has space with room for a games room for when the kids are teenagers. We can be the house where everyone comes to hang out. Pool table, arcade games, fridges with food, drinks and a microwave. Beer when they are old enough.

One can dream..

My life now except the house is ours, bought and paid off (not rented) and I'm 2 stone lighter!

I love my job but would feel less pressure and do less plate spinning if money wasn't a worry.

I love this thread! Counting real blessings, there isn’t much I would change except there would be less domestic drudgery (cleaning, laundry, shopping, washing up. I don’t mind cooking most of the time). And more time and more money.

in complete fantasy land, I would live next to a beach I could swim from, have enough money and some interesting work (my work now, but better paid 😂) but with enough space around the work to walk, swim, draw/paint, drink coffee and wine, stare at the sea, and do yoga. And I would have clean sheets every day (but not have to change the bed, I would have fairies to do that. Happy ones that love doing domestic jobs 😂😂). I’d see my dc living best life, visiting each other from time to time. I’d have DH with me but we would each have our own spaces.

Various places (seaside cottage, historical flat in Rome, a sailboat...) but always with the bare minimum of possessions. I've accepted I have too much stuff in real life so I fantasise about owning 1 perfume, 2 pairs of shoes, etc.

My alternative fantasy life (I haven't worked out the logistics of where husband and the kids fit, I think they just don't exist) when falling asleep at night is either:
a) A beautiful rose draped thatched cottage in the Cotswold's where it's always spring/summer (apart from a week at Christmas) and I potter about (but the beautiful garden just keeps itself ticking over with no intervention from me)
b) I live in a converted van travelling the US. The van is a tardis, normal sized outside but big enough inside to hold my things and not feel like I live in a space the size of my downstairs toilet.

I assume I have some kind of unlimited funds in both cases.

I love the sound of this life, I have some similar aspects to my fantasy life..but I have one question...what football team do you support?