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Original poster

What's your secret, selfish fantasy life?

139 replies

hairymclary45 · 09/07/2024 22:58

I preface this by saying I love my dh and my dc very much and I know I'm lucky to have them and a job and a roof over our heads etc etc etc.

However my entire life revolves around my obligations to everyone else. Work, clubs, housework, weekends taken up with kids parties or activities. No childcare so dh and I rarely get a break.

I would never wish their childhood away but sometimes (egged on by instagram probably) I think about a selfish, solitary life and what it would look like for me.

I've decided I'd love a very small cottage or flat. Our house is big but full of clutter and crap. I love the idea of having a tiny space where everything I own is either necessary or precious. I would live somewhere in the country, maybe a little market town where I could take myself out early for a lovely walk in nature with my dog. Then go to an independent cafe for a breakfast and coffee. I'd go home, light a fire, read and watch tv all day. Then I'd have a nice bath, get myself dolled up and go to a local pub to watch the football and have a meal.

In reality I'd probably enjoy this for a day or so before I'd miss my kids and my ridiculously busy routine. But it made me wonder what everyone else's dream, selfish, solo life would be.

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 10/07/2024 00:47

I like to mess with some of the variables of my life but make it work out that I still get to meet and fall in love with my partner, but I don't have to go through a really tough marriage first. I try to fix it so that I still get to have my kids, not some sort of butterfly effect situation where I still have children but I don't recognise them. My kids rock.
Sometimes I try to alter the variables so that my marriage worked out. No birth trauma or PND. Different hospital regardless of family opinion (different one is statistically much safer and it could have been way better for us) and ask for help way sooner. I wonder if things would have worked if I'd been more affectionate, outgoing, more like I am now. But then, I remember that I used to get yelled at for cooking the 'wrong' meal. Yelled at to the point where I felt physically sick. I could never have become who I am now if I'd stayed and been crushed into a tiny fraction of a person.
I had to meet my partner to learn how hugging my loved ones becomes second-nature when I am safe and loved and that I'm more outgoing and way more confident because of those changes.
Sometimes I mess with it to the point where I didn't have children and it feels luxurious for about five minutes, and then I just can't.

MimitteAndElsaGoToSwitzerland · 10/07/2024 00:51

Hollydays · 10/07/2024 00:30

Exhausting referred to the festival goer!

That's the beauty of it though - every morning resets so I'm always refreshed and ready for another day. Plus I can have a rest day and just spend it in my palace of a tent if I feel like it.

It's probably being disabled that makes me so keen on this dream. I'd settle for just waking up each morning pain free and full of beans in my every day life if it was a possiblity.

ManchesterLu · 10/07/2024 00:55

I'd love a little house on the coast, with a reading room overlooking the sea. I'd get a dog and go out for long walks every day, and come home and make hot chocolate.

I'd be perfectly happy for DP to come too!

GuessingGownaGoGo · 10/07/2024 00:56

Just gardening and pottering and building random things, not working, children look after themselves and we just eat together and watch films have fun days out. Having big parties and being able to sleep them off for 3 days, the plants somehow water themselves, the house is tidied overnight by elves, big dinners where someone else always washes up. Staying miraculously fit and healthy despite eating, drinking and doing what I like.

Ahh, dreams.

Branster · 10/07/2024 01:23

I'd live on my own between a smallish house with high ceilings, old furniture and shady garden in Italy in the summer and a modern flat in Sweden in the winter. I'd have 4 dogs.
I'd do a lot of reading. And basically laze about when not walking the dogs.
I might still do some baking but, otherwise, eat mostly salad dishes.
I'd also have a Swedish lover but I wouldn't want to live with him and wouldn't want to see him all the time. No local men whilst I'm in Italy but the Swedish guy can come visit me there if he sorts out his own accommodation in Italy for short breaks.
I would visit my current family for celebrations but wouldn't do any cooking, cleaning, domestic chores whatsoever.
My only big (and real) problem would be how to deal with spiders when living on my own. Once I figure this out, I'm off to live my fantasy life!

GuessingGownaGoGo · 10/07/2024 01:27

love it :@Branster

made me chuckle

Youmustbejoking01 · 10/07/2024 01:44

Love that there are other people out there who have these escapist fantasies like I do.

Also helpful to remember that is exactly what they are-fantasy. And to not berate myself for having an ordinary life with drudgery, monotony etc.....just a reminder to snatch some lovely quiet moments for myself when I can!!

My fantasy would involve having two beautiful dogs and some cats, living in a small but perfect little home in the country....close to a pretty town.

I'd be a retired concert violinist, with a sideline in oil painting in my garden art studio overlooking something like a beach or mountain range.

I'd potter in my garden tending to dahlias and roses as well as a couple of veg beds. I'd read books, drink coffee and eat cake but never put on weight. There would be no clutter in my home and I'd live alone but never feel lonely!

VerityBridge · 10/07/2024 01:52

I have a beautiful, imaginary 2-bedroom flat in a house conversion in London. It's very detailed, down to the art on the bedroom wall, and where I keep the vacuum cleaner. I love it and often spend time there when I need a break from the frenetic race to catch my tail working 7 days a week and parenting 3 kids.

plominoagain · 10/07/2024 02:47

I’d have the little cottage I visited as part of an open gardens day not long ago , all whitewashed with a beautiful cottage garden full of hollyhocks , sweet peas and roses ( yet would be strangely maintenance free🤣) and with a tiny stable yard for my two horses in a kind of Ruby Ferguson’s Jill way , next to a national trail . I’d ride every morning with my dog to keep me company , then spend the afternoon wafting about in a Nigella esque fashion pottering about in the kitchen until teatime , then curl up at night with dog and a good book . DH can come if he likes , as long as he leaves the bloody remote control alone .

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 10/07/2024 03:06

I have been lucky to have lived most of my adult life in central London. Obviously, I've had to consider the additional costs involved e.g service charges to cover Concierge, security which I was happy to cover. I thought I would be happy moving to an adjacent City ...

LunaTheCat · 10/07/2024 05:51

Apartment in Paris.
My O’level French is suddenly more than adequate.
Pain au chocolate every morning.
Work in a bookshop.
The same weight and a foot taller.
Have a simple wardrobe..boho but just enough. I would look wonderful in faded denim jeans and a peasant top. Artifully simple jewellery and layers necklaces that miraculously don’t tangle.
Celine bag.
Out for lunch or dinner with lovely charming friends and intelligent conversation.
Husband would come alternative weeks.
Have dog full time.
Drink lots wine and cheese.

I thought I was the only person with a fantasy life!

GuessWhoIsWho · 10/07/2024 06:04

Sounds fantastic OP. Very similar to me with three changes.

I would be near the seaside.

I would have a cat not a dog.

In the evening instead of a pub dinner, I would go for a walk along the seaside and then return home and have a light dinner.

It is nice to dream about when things get hectic!

yourlittleworldfallingapart · 10/07/2024 06:06

I'd live in a cottage near a sandy beach. I'd go for a walk on the beach every day, rain or shine, and would have a little garden to potter in. I would listen to music and watch films and read library books and just relax.

I can't remember the last time I got to relax!

Mairzydotes · 10/07/2024 07:05

I have a couple of different fantasy lives. I have one where we live in a larger family home, and one where I live alone. I also have one if I'd took a different paths over the years.

They have in common
Plenty of sleep
A non family friendly car
Mostly involve me being alone.

Most of my fantasies are quite nostalgic.

LostaraYil · 10/07/2024 07:16

A cottage on an island or by a lake in a nordic country, with plenty of land to grow veg and fruit and a pier and boat for fishing. A sauna and some outbuildings that my family could come and stay in in the summer. Lots of dogs to walk and books to read.

Keepingongoing · 10/07/2024 07:55

My fantasy is to not have the severe fatiguing condition that has blighted most of my adult life. To be able to travel a bit, go for long walks alone or with my partner/best friend, do my own gardening and house upkeep, make my house beautiful, have one or 2 fairly active hobbies, be active in one or 2 community things, and spend a lot of time by the sea.

Phoebefail · 10/07/2024 08:46

Sailing would be my ideal life. A small yacht, like the one I crewed on and learned to sail when I was younger. I would cruise the East Coast. Cope with all weathers.
Perhaps I would be 29 and it would be 1935 so I could meet the Sailing Barge skippers.

Thunderandlightningisfrightening · 10/07/2024 08:48

That my ex fucks off and my dog lives forever.

nottatroll · 10/07/2024 09:04

I would like a roomy, detached house with four main bedrooms: one for each member of the family. We would all live happily together. My eldest son would just be finishing his PhD in his special interest. He would have a group of friends, and they would frequently come round to the house. My youngest son would be working in his area of speciality, and would also have fun loving, dynamic friends. My husband would have his own, adapted room, and I would be able to support him.

I would have a cat-friendly bedroom where I could also work. Work would be fulfilling, but not stressful. There would be a large kitchen, and I would be able to indulge in my (latent) hobby of baking.

I would have a few really close friends around, and my husband and I would go out together once a week.

It seems dull, perhaps 'normal', but it is so far removed from my present reality that I often slip into this fantasy for respite.

I have read a number of posts in which people fantasise about having a life a little more free from the demands of their family. My fantasy is that my family are well enough for us to live together, and for all members to function in society.

Original poster
hairymclary45 · 10/07/2024 09:39

I'm loving this thread. You've inspired me to add a few extra things to mine. As well as my quaint rural cottage I will also have a property abroad - maybe Spain, Greece or France - not bothered really as long as it's sunny. I'd pop over whenever I fancied and spend my days swimming the in the sea, reading on the beach, visiting little artisan food shops and markets. I may also have a wealthy friend (possibly male) who lives in the Hollywood hills and invites me over to stay in his mansion from time to time. I'd swim in his pool and let him show me all the LA sights.
Possibly getting a bit carried away now.

OP posts:
user56438924334516 · 10/07/2024 09:45

I’d just like a secret room behind a bookcase in this house, that I could escape to as and when I want a bit of solitude. Maybe a small spa in there too, sauna and plunge pool. Nothing excessive…
Soon be September and they’ll be back at school!

Bohomovies · 10/07/2024 10:08

My fantasy life is so similar to so many that have been mentioned here!

I’d live in a small cottage overlooking the sea, with wooden floors, vintage furniture, and white linen sheets. A little well-behaved dog would always be at my heels. We wouldn’t have to worry about money so we’d potter around the cottage garden, hanging fairy lights outside, and tending to the roses. We’d spend our free time doing long walks on the beach and cliffs, going to farmers markets and dusty old book shops, and I might even have a part-time job in a vintage clothes shop, with my dog snoozing on an old armchair behind the counter with me.
When the weather gets too miserable I’d take my dog over to my villa in Ibiza where I would waft around in a silk kaftan and swim in the sea at every opportunity.
I wouldn’t have any physical or mental health problems and I’d have a lover or two.

Adviceneeeeded · 10/07/2024 10:10

I have learnt from this thread that women and mums need more down time! There's a common theme in these fantasy lives!

FrustyOldCrump · 10/07/2024 10:11

You have more or less described my life, except that I don't do football or dogs.

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