Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I have a good insurance that will pay the house in its entirety if I pass away and leave a little extra for security!
I have it stated in my will that that money will be used to pay off the house but that the house is then to be left entirely to my daughter.
I have done this specifically to protect my daughters inheritance (from me!!) from any potential grabby future ’partners’ that my DH might meet after my passing.

The house was paid for specifically using compensation following the death of his mother. You’re just lucky he doesn’t charge you rent to live there.

Legally, everything is his. It's his house, the inheritance is his. You haven't contributed. It would be different if you were married. You'd be entitled to a share, but as it is - no!

Don’t forget that DSS should also be getting between 25 and 33% of anything OP’s son receives from his father when he dies too!

The house should go to his son. Presumably as his wife’s life insurance paid it off there’s no mortgage so you can buy your own asset to leave to your son.

Its his house.

Frankly you living there is a free ride for you, paying basic upkeep is the minimum you should do for living their but it doesn't mean you own a part of it.

What has stopped you saving all that money you now don't have to use on rents and buying an asset of your own to give your DS (except being under the false assumption you should just get given half of his son inheritance).

Marriage makes no difference. It’s whose name the asset is on.

for divorce, yes, all assets are pooled regardless of who owns them.

on death, whatever the deceased owns in their own name is distributed as per the will.

for example- house in my name, Isa in my name. Goes to my kids as per my will when I die.

i’m finding this interesting as usually on inheritance threads stepmums are evil bitches if they don’t fairly distribute their assets amongst all kids.

Sod worrying about inheritance, you’ve left yourself entirely financially exposed. If your relationship ends you have absolutely nothing. What on earth were you thinking?!

No, your DS should not inherit anything from your DP, and you have unfortunately been completely reckless.

I'm with him. The house should go to his son and any shared assets split between all the children.

I think the OP has got the message!!!! OP I strongly suggest a conversation with DP and potentially a Financial Planner to jointly plan your prosperity in the event of his death given that the house value as an asset won’t be part of that. Be frank, open and honest with each other about your wishes, your worries, and what would leave you both secure. I’m sure you’ll get to a point where you would both be happy.

She'd have half this new inheritance though, wouldn't she?

Will your sons's father be leaving 30% of his assets to your stepson?

Your partner's generosity is allowing you to live in the house rent free.

I'm not seeing a lot of posters saying the OP shouldn't have contributed-where are you getting that from? A lot of posters are saying that the OP has been in a very fortunate position for a decade and her partner has been generous. The responses to this thread are not showing a double standard here.

I agree with this.

Also, the poor kid lost his mother (his son must have been 14 years old or younger when she died). I'm sure he'd trade all the money to have had longer with her but the life insurance policy that gave him and his dad more financial security and possibly a financial advantage over your family is the only silver lining in her passing. That's why she would have had the policy in the first place, so her husband and son were financially taken care of.

I think you need to agree a sum that you take from the house sale and the rest goes to the boy. Turn the tables and what would you want (if you were the mum who died). But, you need some sort of agreement about where you would live (at least a grace period) and what would happen if you died first...

There’s a couple of posters saying things like “you shouldn’t have paid a penny to upkeep and maintenance!” or similar. It just made me chuckle and roll my eyes.

there definitely a double standard as not paying rent would be considered a cocklodger if male. Not seeing anyone advocating for her paying rent, just saying she should have taken advantage of the free digs and bought a house on the side.

He’s right. And even if he wasn’t, the 75:25 split is much fairer than your 66:33, because presumably his wife’s half should be left to the son and then you can share in his half.

But in reality, you couldn’t afford a house (so you rented for 6 years) and his wealth and bad fortune doesn’t provide an inheritance for your son. Particularly given he has never lived with your son, he’d be as well giving an inheritance to your brother or his nieces and nephews given he’s not really acted in a parenting role to your son.

You should’ve invested in a life insurance policy when you moved in with him equal to what you considered your interest in the house and your son could have had that.

Also, given the house has great sentimental value and is in a tourist town, will his son even want to sell it? It doesn’t sound like your son and his son would want to co own a property.

I agree with your DP and leaving you a life interest in the property seems more than fair. Can you go back to full time and try to look at investing/saving more if you're concerned about leaving something to your DS?

I'd also be very sceptical about your right to live there after your DP's death. Be realistic about that.

Legally dh is right. Morally, given his son is already decently set up, I feel he should want to give your dc something to help him. I can see why he’d probably be hoping his son will want to move in though, if he’s that attached to the place, and therefore he won’t want to split the inheritance if it means it has to be sold.

What is dp’s relationship with your son like? Are there any savings that could be left to your dc and the house to his son? I feel he should want to help really, even if it’s only to make you happy. You should have thought about all this years ago though and protected your future.

I don’t understand why you have only just thought of all this!

You could have bought a buy to let flat or made other savings/investments. Instead you just spent freely and worked part time. Can you go back to FT now and try to save more money?

If DP decides he has had enough of you, you will be out on the streets with bugger all…

Hi, I live in a blended family and don't have the greatest prognosis for a long life. I own property and investments and whole my dp can stay living in our house, my whole estate will go into trust and my ds will have a whole trust fund in his name only. If dp gets a new partner in future, I don't want that to negatively impact my sons inheritance. Sorry, I'm with your dp here - his ds has every right to the inheritance left to him by his dm.

YABVU and very grabby,

Of course, your DSS should inherit the home. It is his dad's home and his mum's life insurance paid off the mortgage. It is beyond cheeky that you consider otherwise.

Your DS does not inherit any assets for the simple reason that you chose not to accumulate any assets for the last ten years.

You have had a nice 10 years, gone on holidays and reduced to part time all on a £35k salary. With the disparity in income between you and your DH (120k on his part versus 35k reducing to part-time), I would genuinely question if any of your income really paid for the repair and upkeep of the home. You had the opportunity to build up a nest egg in these years as you were not paying rent, but you chose to go part-time instead.

No. You don’t have to leave your assets to your spouse (and many people don’t).

There's a lot of selective question answering from the OP.

Why would she? What new inheritance? He was a beneficiary of his late wife’s life insurance. It’s not a new inheritance. The new inheritance (or recent) is from her step son’s maternal grandparents. That hasn’t been passed to her partner, it has gone direct to their grandson because their daughter, his mother died.

Assets gained during marriage should be split, not assets gained before marriage. Regardless of marriage, anyone contributing a significantly bigger share of the deposit for a house should protect their share in the event of death or splitting up. When those parties have children from existing relationships, that share should be protected in the child(ren)‘s interest.