Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

If I were him and you kept pushing this entitled bullshit I'd be changing the will so it allowed my son to boot you on your arse upon my death.

Lazy and entitled. I'm not sure what you've brought to the table.

Honestly op. It sounds very much that you've lived the high life for the last ten years due to the fact that you don't pay rent or a mortgage only contribute to bills. Happy days for you if you're do was happy to support you.
Expecting him to supply your ds with an inheritance on top is frankly hilarious.

"Prevented you from having an asset of your own"

You could have invested in all sorts of assets over the last 10 years & there is still time if you continue to work.
How has someone prevented you from your own financial decisions ?

Secondly, it is up to your DP what he puts in his own will.

But, you spending your money and going PT has nothing to do with the house. You didn't look to the future, and I wonder why?

You were foolish in going PT, as it has prevented you from amassing anywhere near what your DP has.

Perhaps go back to FT.

I am on DPs side. It is his house, and decorating it and even repairs is less than you would have spent on rental. Just because his DS has already inherited massively, it doesn't mean it isn't his family's house, and he deserves to inherit it Life is never fair, and your DS will never inherit what his DS has.

i paid off my mortgage before DP moved in and that’s of course left to my children. He’s given you security by letting you stay in the house should anything happen to him. This could prevent his son getting his inheritance at a time he might really need it so it’s a good compromise. I’d be so offended if my DP asked me to give some of my DC’s inheritance to his children. You should probably apologise for suggesting it if you value your relationship.

We bought our house with a considerable deposit provided by my mother, and a mortgage. DH contributed to the mortgage for 4 years, then DM died and my inheritance paid off the mortgage. He has since had an inheritance which paid for some home improvements. My will states that DH will own 25% of the house when I die, the rest will go to my children. He will also be allowed to live in the house as long as he lives and when he does the value of the house will be split amongst our children. We thought that was fair at the time. His contribution to the value of the house is probably around 25%. His will mirrors mine, in that if he dies first 25% of the value of the house will go to his children and 75% will belong to me, but I can live in the house as long as I live and it won't be sold and the funds disbursed until I die. Any savings, life insurance etc. go to whoever survives, and when we are both dead they are split equally between our children.

I agree that the house that was bought and paid for by your DH and his late wife should go to his son, however unfair that seems, but I think life insurance, savings etc. should go to you. You also need to think about your own will. Will your life insurance and savings go to your DH, or to your son, or be split between them? Ultimately, however, what your DH or you choose to do in your wills is up to each of you. He doesn't have to tell you, and you don't have to tell him.

The woman in this scenario was able to take the incredible opportunity to work hard and invest her money as she had no rent or mortgage to pay.

You seem to have brushed over that fact. Not all women are victims and men are tyrants. The OP married with both partners having adult dp. There is no way on earth the assets should be split equally. The other lad's inheritance is a completely separate matter.

There are hundreds of stories on here about later marriages and first dc being shafted

And you are right to feel this way. Speak to a solicitor make a will and ensure you also write a letter which is an expression of your wishes. Terms of a will can be altered (I know it shocked me as well). My will ensures as far as possible our children get my half of everything in the event I die first. My DH promised he would ensure this happens and I know he meant it. However I die first, my DH is grief stricken for 6 months, he then meets someone else (he is very charismatic and it would happen). She has kids from a previous relationship they are together a few years do I think in my wildest dreams she won't want financial security for her and her kids and my DH wouldn't make that happen for them.

Seriously protect your kids inheritance as far as you can. I haven't worked all my life for my money/property to be passed on to some future random woman I have never met and her kids.

Thank you. That was my understanding.

I checked my state pension because I took a break from working when I had two children close together because in the 80s there were no nurseries where we lived.

The house was bought before you met due to your dps wife dying, from her life insurance. She would have wanted the inheritance to go to her son, not split between someone else. Yoi aren't entitled to anything. You have had 10 years to save, in which time you would have earned at least 250k after tax. That would have been enough to invest in something.

I’m with your husband on this and is the reason why we sat down with a solicitor a few years ago and have legally protected our children’s inheritance should one of us die.

The OP and her partner are not married. She has never been a step mother to the partner’s son, nor her partner a father to her son. Both sons were grown men and at university before the OP moved into the partner’s house. There’s absolutely nothing to suggest the OP was put into her poor situation by the partner. She chose to give her son his inheritance in advance via university fees and gap year funding. He also has a father he will inherit from. She didn’t have to go part time or spend her money instead of saving/investing it. Whatever she has spent in bills and decor in the partner’s house is going to be no more (and likely considerably less) than she would have had to spend on rent or a mortgage of her own (the sensible thing would have been to buy a small, investment property rather than giving her son his inheritance in place of student loans). She’s ridden the gravy train, failed to future proof her own finances, and been an utter fool thinking she has some moral or legal right to a financial situation that was brought about by another woman dying and a boy losing his mother. Entitlement at its highest. I hope her partner’s eyes are wide open now.

Gravy train 🚆 absolutely nail on the head.

Absolutely- joint salaries of £150k and no mortgage. Shes been laughing and living it up. And she’s saying she wasn’t in a position to have any assets of her own do her adult son should be entitled to a cut 🤷‍♀️

Bit late now but the obvious answer would have been a small investment property to rent out as her sons inheritance rather than blow her windfall living the life of Riley then moaning about it afterwards.

Your son is getting a 7 figure inheritance, and I think your dh's son should get the sake of the house, then they BOTH have money.

So? OP’s son isn’t owed anything because the DH’s son has and will receive inheritance from his own family.

It’s the partner’s son who is receiving the 7 figure inheritance - presumably because some more of his dear relatives have died as well as his losing his mother as a child. This is completely irrelevant to his inheriting his father’s house, paid for by the death of his mother.

The OP and her partner are not married. They have never been step parents to each other’s sons. The OP is not legally entitled to anything from her partner’s estate, let alone morally by the sounds of it. The OP’s son has already had his inheritance - it was spent on university fees and a gap year. He has suffered no unfairness.

Get legal advice what would happen if you split up. That sometimes clarifies the picture as to what's "fair"

No, that is not what’s happening. At all.

Her son is getting nothing. She gave him all the money she had from the sale of her former marital home so that he didn’t get into debt at uni. She decided not to start again, so has nothing to leave him. His father has re married and had three more children, so there will be no significant inheritance from him.

He is her partner, not her DH, so she doesn’t have any legal protection or rights. Most importantly, if her partner doesn’t want to hand over a third of his family home to a man he has never been a step father to, there is nothing the OP can do about it.

It is her DP’s son who has inherited a large sum from his deceased mother’s family, so not something that his father has had any dealings with.

We’re talking about people’s estates here, not splitting a bag of sweets between two children. It’s unfortunate that her son won’t have a fortune coming to him. But that’s life. Some people are rich, other people aren’t. It doesn’t have to be shared out equally.

ETA, stopped to answer a text and crossed posts with @DawsonsFreak

I don't think your son should get any part of the house paid for by your partner and his first wife (via life insurance). It wasn't your son's home, you haven't paid towards the cost of it, and it should rightly go to DP's son.

That you contributed towards decorating or general improvements is neither here nor there; you benefitted from those improvements by living (rent and mortgage free) in a nicer home. I wallpapered a rented flat because I wanted to live in a nicer room, that didn't give me a claim on the landlord. (she was fine with the wallpapering, I did check)

If giving your son an inheritance - beyond (very generously) funding his education - was a priority for you, you should have continuted to work full time and invest the money appropriately.

Instead, you chose to reduce your hours and improve your quality of life.

I don't blame you, I'd do the same. But you can't have it both ways, OP.

Poor OP is hiding from this thread now. The initial post sounded absolutely outraged.

This is a point of contention in a lot of blended families. We have agreed something for our wills which massively favours my dsd over my ds. I came in to this relationship with a house, DH lived in a rental. I kept the original house (my parents now live there rent free and the house will be in trust for them should I pre decease them) we have bought together also. I earn significantly more. We leave everything 50/50 to ds and dsd (the other house once my parents die). My side of the family has no money so ds will not have any other inheritance. Dsd will have inheritance from her mum etc. and their grandparents.

there is no such thing as fair really in terms of inheritance.

I agree with previous posters that the discussion has come quite late in the day but just try to agree something you are both happy with. It really isn’t worth worrying about things that will happen after you’re dead.

You may contribute financially and in other ways but in theory, it isn’t your house, it’s DP’s and his sons. There was no mortgage as such to put you on in this case but legalities surrounding this and having a say legally about the property should have been addressed earlier. You aren’t married either and the old common law wife argument isn’t viable even when you’ve paid bills or upkeep of a property. It’s only right your DP’s son gets the house as it was his mums and his dads, it isn’t yours.

Your partner is right. It should go to his son. You don’t have any claim on the property even if you do live there and have made some contributions.

I think you’re letting the little green eyed monster cloud your view because your step son has been left with a lot. That’s down to his parents and grand parent’s contributions and nothing out of your pocket.

You should focus on what you and your ex can leave your son if that’s what you want to do or better still, support him with a deposit or whatever else is needed to set him up as it sounds like that’s what you want.

What you've done is taken your own money and given it to DSD in the will, with no commensurate gift from your DP to your DS. Why have you reduced your DS's inheritance in favour of DSD who will get money from other family? Is he taking a lot of drugs or otherwise particularly wasteful? Will she support him in his old age?