Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I disagree with most peeps on here. I owned my house and was living here with my two kids when DP moved in. He has a child who lived with his Mum most of the time before he was 18 . My two live independently from us now, as does DP’s son. Our will splits everything between the 3 kids (all now in their late 30s) . The house will be sold nd ll financial assets to be divided between the 3 of them. I am totally happy with the arrangement as we (DP &I) have both worked hard to pay for everything. It does not matter to me that our now jointly owned house was originally mine alone.
this is why I think YANBU.

If the house belonged to him and his wife, then his wife's life insurance paid off the mortgage he should leave the house to his son not just from him but from his Mum too. There was nothing stopping you from buying an investment property and letting out if you could pay the mortgage. The rental income would have paid a good chunk of the mortgage for you. You have presumably lived rent free for 10 years and just contributed half towards food, utilities and consumables like towels, sheets etc. Your partner should be paying for all home improvements/redecorating as it's his house. You are going to be able to live there presumably rent free for the rest of your life if your partner dies first. That surely compensates you for any repairs/improvement you paid towards. Your partner's son inheriting from Grandparents changes nothing. Sorry OP but I don't see why your DS should benefit from your partner's wife's death in any way. She'd want that money to go to her own son.

DP could turf you out tomorrow and you wouldn't be able to claim a penny. "The default legal position is that you will have no right to a share of the property, unless you can prove that you have ‘acquired an interest’ in the property, often by contributing to the mortgage or home improvements or by showing that there was a shared intention that you would have a share and you have relied on it to your disadvantage."

OP has already said her DP has said she can remain living there and his son will get his procession on OP's death.

DH and I explicitly discussed the situation for our wills of the unlikely event of me pre-deceasing him and him having another child. We agreed DS gets 100% of every penny I leave (unless DH needs it to live on due to running out of money), but he should create whatever balance he can with the will-never-exist child from his own money. Some is directly left to DS, but DH would need the house etc, so I can't lock it down further. We have a letter for DS to explain this is our joint wishes, and that it was considered for DH to try to ensure all children get an inheritance, to try to prevent any later upset. I now wonder if I should add a PS that I don't agree if the children are random adult step-children, in which case my wishes would be for DH to leave at least 75% to DS!!! I can't imagine DH being that thoughtless about his own child's best interests though.

Funny how it's always the one on a low income who didn't bother saving, who is the one who wants to share. I also hope her DP's eyes are wide open now as to what he has living in his home.

His exW didn’t pay in to an insurance policy to pay off a mortgage for another woman to then take a % of. She did that purely for her DH and DS, I think that wish needs to be respected. I’d be turning in my grave if a woman tried to take what is rightfully my children’s.

And although you have paid towards upkeep of the home, that will be less that what you would have paid in rent (money down the drain) had you not been living there.
Why was this not discussed when you moved in together and started paying for things though? If you’d discussed it earlier in your relationship you could have started a savings fund for your DS, or if you’re in the position to buy now, you could get an investment property to leave to him.
I’m not a legal expert but I’m pretty sure that legally you have no entitlement to the house anyway, you aren’t married, you’ve never been on the mortgage and your name won’t be on the deeds.

Of course you should have a share. I can’t see why he wouldn’t agree to this, it’s only fair.

Well firstly half of the house is the dead ex wife. Paid for as part of her inheritance so its not just OP DP house really.

Second OP has not 'worked hard to pay for everything' she has just moved into someone else's home and done a bit of decorating over the 10 years she has lived their for free.

If for example you bought a house with a mortgage, met you DP and you DP moved in and paid into the mortgage that is totally different to moving into a house paid for by the DSC mothers inheritance (obviously for HER child) where they haven't done anything and just stopped working and ridding along off being rent free.

This sounds superficially similar to OP’s situation but when you look a little closer 👀 it is different in important aspects.

In your situation you have taken this decision yourself and regarding your own assets earned by you, in the context of a relationship you willingly and with full knowledge entered into, knowing of the existence of the SDC ( though being brutally honest, I’d be raising an eyebrow if I were your DC).

In OP’s situation the money has essentially come from the deceased mother who could not possibly have intended the money to benefit a dc of someone entirely unrelated to her whom she had never met, whom her dc does not get along with particularly and whom her DH has never parented.

The other inheritance is not relevant. He might be rich in money but he lost his mother at a young age, I know what I’d rather have.

It’s their family asset that you didn’t contribute to and have benefited from living in (for free?).

Will DSS get half of your ex husbands estate?

Living there for free helped paying for your sons gap year. Should probably have saved this money to help him buy a house instead.

Gosh and the comments about it being his house would stand if you got divorced? I think not.

Youve been there for 10 years, some of that house is yours, sure you've benefitted from living there but I'm sure you've contributed significantly to the upkeep.

And in blended families when we marry, we commit to take on the children that arent ours bilogically as if theyre our own, but clearly that doesnt happen in reality.

My DSC are decades older than my kids but when my hubby died I gave them equal amounts of £ from his life insurance because they are all his kids.

When I die everything goes to my children cos my DSC dont visit or communicate, I have to do all the chasing. They dont even help my DCs eg my DS has started look at buying a property. His eldest SS is a mortgage advisor she says she'll help but hasnt done anything for 6 months. She did help her bilogical sister when she needed a mortgage in the same timeframe.

Anyways like I said in my blended family, it's on them, but your situ sounds different and I think both children should be left inheritance.

They are not married so there will be no divorce and no splitting of assets.

Sorry but I agree with your DP,

I'll be buying a house and my partner at some point can move in, but the house will be left to my children, any suggestion it's left to his children would be an absolute non discussion.

I've put the money in and saved, why should his children the reap the benefits of my hard work.

I think she’s done pretty well being allowed to live in the house until she dies. I spoke to a solicitor when I was doing my will and she thought that it would be unreasonable for my DP to see out the end of his days in my house: I may reconsider if we’re together for decades. She said that my DC shouldn’t have to wait for their inheritance- they might have a young family or struggling to get on the property ladder and need the money. It would be reasonable for him to stay there for up to 12 months. He earns a good salary and saves a fortune not privately renting so it’s up to him to make contingencies.

Hang on so you took their dad’s life insurance 😮

No wonder they don’t visit you

I wish I could agree with you I really do as I know you’re only thinking of your kids. Nevertheless I’m sorry to say he’s absolutely in the right here. His first wife paid and sacrificed to purchase the house so it should go to her kids not yours. If you persist in asking it’s really going to sour things for you with hubby and his kids. You’ll look grasping. You’ll make far more problems for yourself in the long term.

I agree with him that the house should be left to his son, it will sting to your son but that gives him the opportunity to keep his moms home vs having to sell it if your son has half.

If you are living mortgage free are you not able to be saving what would be paying for your own house for your son?

I get the frustration that you’ve put towards the house, but I guess renting elsewhere would have cost you more.

It’s not your house. End of.

@Dibbydoos *Gosh and the comments about it being his house would stand if you got divorced? I think not.

Youve been there for 10 years, some of that house is yours, sure you've benefitted from living there but I'm sure you've contributed significantly to the upkeep.*

A house that her partner owned outright a considerable amount of time before the OP would not actually be split in a divorce, and on top of that they aren’t married.

OP living in it, paying for a very small portion of daily bills, which would be there if she rented, does not give her a stake. What has she contributed to? Her own heating usage? A few tins of paint after living in it for years and wanting to redecorate a room? OP admits she contributed to nothing substantial in terms of repairs of upkeep of the house and she dropped her already low salary to part time so her partner obviously pays a larger portion of the bills.
She has already benefit, she benefits from a decade of minimal living expenses! It is beyond cheeky to get a free ride off this guy already and then attempt to stake some claim over his son’s inheritance on top.

Why would you do that to your DS? The DSD inherits from others too and your DS does not, so you are really hurting him in favor of your DSD.

Mind-blown.

Her DH made her the beneficiary to the life insurance because they were married. I am guessing she paid for the funeral too and has to continue to pay bills.

How very strange to think his children should get life insurance proceeds when a couple is married, and she is listed as the beneficiary for it. The poster was nice enough to give each child some of it. She did not have to do that.

You have no clue how long they were married or what their circumstances were, so really judgy to jump on her. Maybe the DF/DH should have had two policies. One for his children and one for his wife. 🙄

His stance might remain the same, but the legal situation wouldn’t. The law would consider that you are entitled to at least a decent percentage of the value of house and other marital assets. The longer you were married, the more of his previous assets you’d be entitled to.

I haven’t voted on you poll because it’s a tough one. The house was bought and paid for by your partner and his dead wife, the son’s mother. So I understand why it would seem to be his son’s natural inheritance. Personally, I would never have moved into his dead wife’s home. There would inevitably be emotional issues with that.

Such a difficult yet common situation. I feel for you OP yet I’m conflicted as I don’t consider that contributing to decorating (wear and tear) entities you to a lifetime interest in your partner’s home. The house should be left to his son; his sadly deceased wife did not invest in it to benefit you.

You deserve to have a percentage of this property. You should get this in writing with a solicitor quickly to prevent any future unpleasantness.