Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

housework isn't rent is it?

@SmudgeButt I think it would take a long time to wash up enough pots to pay for even 25% of a house!

You are being greedy and grasping, the house was paid for by your dp and late wife. Therefore it belongs rightly to his son and not you and your son on his death.

You have quite a habit of getting your knickers in a knot here don't you?

I can't believe this post, she wants a share of her OPs house for HER son, paid off by his dead wife's insurance?! You have been living their rent free and said yourself it's been a great 10 years! You could pay your son's uni fees and his gap year due in part to your partners generosity. He also has his own father to look out for him. It must have been a very bad argument for the 2 sons not to spend Xmas together, wonder did his son have a word with dad about his will? Maybe the son has better sense. Good on dad for sticking by his son and I'm sure respecting his wife's wishes.

If she’s not paying rent, yes it is.

You’ve decided, entirely to suit your own narrative, that she must be a virtual slave, when nothing OP has actually said suggests that. What OP has said is that she absolutely has benefited from moving into his house.

"My decade free of most people's biggest financial obligation has really hurt my purchasing power" is a spectacularly tone deaf take tbf

You think your son should ultimately profit from your boyfriend’s dead wife’s life assurance?

Seriously OP, you’re being ridiculous.

Sorry I know you disagree but I think you're all a bunch of what? People in the front century? Troglidytes? No that's too strong . But I do think you are very very wrong.

This is just cheeky wishful thinking on OPs behalf but she has no moral claim whatsoever to the house for her son.
And doing your own washing and cleaning doesn't afford you a share in the property - that's just normal tidying up after yourself, just life.

With those figures let’s be honest here. The fact that you don’t own your own home has nothing to do with living with him and you’ve not been contributing. YABU. 33% is more than I would agree to handing over.

Yes sorry I am on your partners side with this too.

No, it isn't.

You paid out for your child's education.
That was good of you.
You have had a good life with money to spend which you choose, rather than having property. You also had 30k of rent you never had to pay.
If your partner died you could benefit from the same again...
The house was paid for by the wife's death. So goes to her son
Just say your sorry and move on.

I'd be worried about what would happen if your relationship breaks down. Also, if he dies first will you be able to afford to stay in the house?

I've read a few more of the messages and I am still of the view that as you have been his partner for 14 years, you do deserve something on his death, if he passes away before you do, and then you should be able to do with that what you will when you pass away, including leaving it to your son.

Others might have said, i haven't read all of the posts, and if they have, I support the idea that you could put it to your DP to marry now. If he says no, then you have even more things to think about. Whatever happens, I think this could change the way you feel about him, and the way you both feel about each other.

Money does that.... and so do children!

Troglodytes*

I am still of the view that as you have been his partner for 14 years, you do deserve something on his death

Just not the house paid for by his dead wife's life insurance.

And I think you are very very wrong and very very rude 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's been able to drop to part time hours and still go on "nice holidays" and not pay rent.

Why are posters fretting about the OP’s son? He’s been gifted a debt free university education and a gap year and is now in his late 20s, presumably earning a living and able to save for his own future. Millions of kids don’t receive inheritances, he’s not been put into a situation of “disadvantage”, he has received his “inheritance” up front. Whether that was a wise decision on his mother’s part is moot, he has received it and benefited from it.

Furthermore, he is not at a disadvantage because of the notion that there should be some parity between him and the OP’s partner’s son - who is not and never has been his step brother or anything resembling a sibling ( and neither has the partner been his dad - he has his own father, nor has the OP been a mother to the DSS). You may as well suggest that the next door neighbour owes him a share of their house. The “DSS” lost his mother, why he should lose anything else to benefit relative strangers is completely mysterious to the minds of anyone other than the entitled, grabby grifters who latch onto others’ misfortune and their fortunes.

So you move in with chap. He's minting it. "Don't worry dear I can afford to support us both so you can go PT. " So you do. Thus getting less pension as well as less income. Spending more time attending to his house and his needs. And no one thinks she needs compensation for that?

Where are you based? Would you be classed as common law partners?

If I unexpectedly die tomorrow and my DH later makes a will that effectively hands-over half of MY estate to some new girlfriend's offspring with her ex, instead of to our child, I'll be coming back and HAUNTING his sorry arse all the way to hell.

Why are posters fretting about the OP’s son? He’s been gifted a debt free university education and a gap year and is now in his late 20s, presumably earning a living and able to save for his own future

Quite. He's already financially privileged. He also still has both his parents alive.

Presumably he didn’t hold a gun to her head.