Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I do see what he is saying but also by the time he actually dies you may have lived together for 30+ years. You’ve contributed to the family home if not directly paid the mortgage.

I understand his perspective but based on the fact his DS has a large inheritance and is financially sound, it would not hurt to leave 25% to your son. You may have ended up spending half of your adult life together and he would happily see your child with nothing?

I do see his perspective but I don’t agree with it, we’re not talking a relationship of a few years.

This ^

You need to consider yourself and your son

Save, invest etc

DP is certainly ensuring that he and his son are well provided for

This
Brilliant post ^

All of that really.

This update suggests to me you're in the wrong. You haven't even paid much in to improvements and it doesn't appear they were done with any real understanding that the intention was for you to have any beneficial interest in the property. You could've saved the money you weren't paying in rent. I think your partner is right.

Sorry but I agree, the house is his and his son’s. You have lived there rent free for years, it’s not your house. What have you been doing with your own money in that time?

No.

The DO does not need to leave her son anything.
The house passes in its entirety to his son (he sees his children and grandchildren there). What happens if 25% of that is given away? The house would probably need to be sold and proceeds split.

You’re as grabby as OP!

I think this is the most cheeky fucker post 📫 I've ever seen I'm genuinely flabbergasted

Its HIS house, which was paid off because his wife DIED

The house is being left to his son and rightly so !

His wife would not want her earned money to go to your son. I think YABVU

Living in the house rent and mortgage free has allowed you to spend your money on your son’s education and gap year. Therefore your son HAS already benefited from this arrangement. Presumably if you spend that money on a property he would have had to fund his education and gap year himself?

So a woman works hard, helps maintain a house, does a lotz if not all of the daily stuff for 10, 15, 20+ years and she deserves nothing?? What century are you in? No leave her nothing because she's just a drone and a sex slave. Grand. Very 19 th century.

This

It's not your house and you're not married so you have no rights to it and neither does your son. Your DP is being generous by saying you can stay in the house if anything happened to him - please make sure this is in his will as otherwise there is no guarantee at all of that.

She's had the benefits already! No rent for 10 years allowed her to put her son throught uni, go part time and save money!

Is she not responsible for herself, and responsible for the choices she made?

OP got to live rent free for ten years and was able to go part time. She had every opportunity to save the money she did have, but chose not to.

This is why women are advised to get married to protect themselves in these scenarios OP! In your case, seeing as you had no property of your own, didn’t buy together and you weren’t put down as joint tenants, it was a bad move and you should have discussed it before you moved in.

I totally see why your DP wants the house to go to his DS. It’s his family home. He is being generous stipulating that you can live there rent free until you die if he goes first quite frankly.

Although if I was him I would maybe rethink that if I knew you were resentful and believed you deserved a cut, just in case you let it go to rack and ruin to lose value or cause hassle for his DS.

Whatever you’ve put in decorating is likely nowhere near the cost of free rent over 10+ years and however many years until you die. Did your DS live there too?

Start saving money for your DS with what you would have been paying in rent to give him a nest egg for a deposit of his own.

No!

Ah well, better luck next time for her then I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rent free?? So she does nothing?? Doesn't wash up? Doesn't hoover!? Doesn't contribute to a new carpet? Ah ok that's rent free..

I'm with him.

The house was paid off by his son's two parents. It belongs to his son. No arguments.

I think you are mistaking what may / may not be morally right with what may / may not be legally right. They are not the same.

I’m sure she does all of those things - which she would also have to do in a place SHE PAID FOR AS WELL.
Jesus wept.

It’s not like that though, is it? She sold her own property and spent the funds, cut her hours and lived rent free in a property that was his partly because the other owner of the house, his late wife, had died. They didn’t get married or discuss the future. Did she, for example, give any of the proceeds from her house to her boyfriend’s son when she sold her house?