Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I’m with DP.

I don’t own my own home yet but as I have a child, it will always go 100% to my child.

I may let a partner move in with me, but I would not hand over my child’s inheritance like that.

You have benefitted from having half the cost of your marital home and 10 years of living rent/mortgage free and only paying half the bills.

Rent is at least £6k a year x 10 = at least £60k saved up.

If you’ve chosen to not save or not put anything in place for your own child, then that’s on you.

You still have time to create a little pot for DS.
Of course it won’t be anything like it could have been but at least it would be something.

Everyone is assuming that you didn't pay rent whilst you lived there.

Is that the case?

What did you do with your savings from your previous house and your equivalent of your rent or mortgage payments?

Sorry it's your partner and step sons house. You should have no claim on it. His poor dead wife wanted it for her son ! Also you said u didnt save for a property but instead had holidays etc. well that was your choice.

If the house is so vital for you to pass down as an (unearned) asset to your son, why don’t you try to buy out your DP for a certain amount or percentage?

At least that way you’d have tangible equity in the property - using the fact you helped (out of joint money!) to redecorate is absolutely insufficient to try to stake a claim in the house.

If you’d paid for an extension then maybe a proportionate amount, but can you really say you’ve paid out over 30% of the value of the house in repairs and upkeep….?

It's not a direct answer, but one consideration is your respective DS's relationship with each other and the impact different provisions might have.

Just wondering here...
Thinking out load really...

Your dad has made provisions for his soon to be wife to live in the house if anything should happen to him for how ever long she wants, what would happen if your dad did die and in time your step mother met and moved someone else into the home?

Getting your wills in order, both sit with the lawyer together. Ask what others do. Ask advice.
Easier when 3rd expert person explains options.

I’m with DP I’m afraid. He bought the property with his wife and she effectively paid it off when she died. You didn’t buy it and you haven’t paid the mortgage.

My friends mum passed away very young (42) and the mortgage was paid off. A few years later friends dad met someone else who moved in and they eventually got married.
My friend and her brothers spoke to their dad about a pre nup and making a will. He said he had plenty of time and that his new wife wouldn’t take their inheritance.
Well sadly he was killed in a car accident in his 50’s without making a will. His second wife lives in the house, is remarried and now everything will go to her kids and new husband. My friend and her brothers got absolutely nothing from childhood home 🥲

Living there hasn't stopped you from having savings, though, has it? Why would you expect to just have a house that someone else has paid for?

When me and DP had been together for 6 years, I came to an arrangement with him that my name would go on the deeds in exchange for paying off his mortgage - which I did.

When he dies, his half (rightly) goes to his son, but it's written in the will that I have the option to buy him out. I will need to ensure I have the money to do this, as this is my home, I've put everything into it.

But the point is, we sorted it.

Unless there's a large age gap between you and DP, would it work for him to state that you can live there until you die, at which point it passes to his son? My grandad did similar and it's worked really well.

We are here to respond to OP ie make suggestions.
I’ve made mine.

I'm a bit torn on this.

Usually I think it's right that inheritance is left to the kids of the original couple, so this would mean the house going to DSS. But it is tough to see such a big discrepancy between DS and DSS's situations, especially given DSS's additional inheritance.

In hindsight, you and DP should have discussed this 10 years ago because I can see your point that you could have made different decisions if you'd known you'd never get any part of the current house.

I think you have to accept the house will go to DSS (your DP sounds very attached to it and seeing his DS/DGC in it) and try to find what you can do to help your DS. Could you start saving for a house deposit for him? Or maybe even go in together with him on a property (when he's ready) so you're both paying off the mortgage, which might let you borrow more.

If you've lived there and contributed less than rent/ a mortgage would have cost you, then no- I do t agree with you, even if you have co tributes done upkeep costs. You spent an entire house deposit in your son having a gap year and university costs- that was your choice- you could have bought an investment. You've chosen to reduce your hours based on your partner having a higher income- you don't need to. It sounds as if you have a decent pension, and can live there for as long as you want/ are able. I agree with your partner that the asset is his and his late wife's, as her death paid for it to be mortgage free. His so. Also having wealthy relatives isn't the point, for me it's not your house with the circumstances youve described. Although as a high earner who has looked after you for the last 10 yrs, I'd hope he has financially arranged some kind of bequeathment for you.

I’m sorry but there is no way on this earth you’re entitled to anything. A life interest in the house is fair but it’s not your house you aren’t married and it’s for your partners son. I’m widowed and have a mortgage free house. DP lives with us and he will never inherit any of my money. He has his own pension savings and life insurance for him and his child. I will never marry him and I wouldn’t risk anything jeopardising my children’s inheritance, ever.

I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own

Living in someone else's house for 10 years has "prevented" you from buying your own place? You need to re-read this sentence and have a good hard think about why your DS deserves to inherit any of your DPs property.

Your DP clearly wants to ensure that you are secure for the rest of your life, that's enough. Your DS should take this as a lesson and make sure he provides for his own future.

Just because you moved in with your partner does not mean your son should get any part off his house. So what his son has inherited from wherever but his mum payed for that house it should go to him!!! You shouldn't of dropped your working hours you could off saved up so you had something to leave your son!

Of course it goes to his son.
Why on earth would it go to a woman hes lived with for 10 years (not married) son? How ridiculous.

Also, your son will inherit off his father.

But your claim on the house would change.

Which is why not marrying is a good idea in cases like this, everyone should have the right to determine where their property, money etc goes on their death through having a water tight will . Maybe allow the other person to live in the house for a specified time, even give them a lifetime interest in it but they should not inherit, having had an easy ride for many years living rent free.

I think his argument has some merit OP. It was paid majority for by money from him and his late wife. What kind of upgraded etc have you contributed too and how much? If for example there's been a substantial extension/ loft done then which you've contributed to ,calcukate how much and get it written that that the amount owed to you.
I don't think you can claim and uplift in house price etc because essentially he's helped you by you not having to oay towards a mortgage/ rent which you would've had to had you been on your own, so your ds has benefitted from more saving that way from you.

Inheritance aside I think this is more about how it's made u feel re your place in this set up? If so there's deeper issues that need looking at.

@Closie Im not with him for money which is why it hasn’t come up! then why do you think you should get his house now if it is not about money?? you cannot put the blame on his son just because he has already inherited from grandparents! I am sure he would much rather have had his son's mother alive and with him throughout his life!!

Fair play to your dad.

@KeirSpoutsTwaddle your last sentence was right on. "Reassess what you are contributing. Look at your pension. Stop doing more than 50/50 housework and build your earnings.".

Find a small cottage and buy to let. When you have a decent equity and can afford the carrying costs you have a decision to make.

I’m so heartened on this thread to read of all the men doing through right thing by their first spouse and blood family.

So often a new woman comes on the scene and dictates the show from thereon in and the men seem to just corpse and go along with it. Well done to your DF: it’s as it should be.