Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I'm interested in the relationships here.

The OP mentioned that her son doesn't get on with her step son. How does her DP get on with her son?

You really should have stayed full-time and saved money over the past 10 years if you were keen to leave a good sum. Your son is very lucky to have had all his uni fees by comparison to many people in the UK. I'm sure your DSS would likely give up all of his inheritance to have his DM back. Be grateful for what your DS has in life.

I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs.

In what possible way has you living RENT FREE in your partner's home for 10 years "prevented" from having assets of your own?

Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick. Imma bet those upkeep and repairs you refer to DON'T include reroofing the joint or adding a conservatory on at the back either (though if they do, you're a fool).

Then you are very foolish. I’m on DP’s side.

Agree with this. Unless your DS has done something horrific to him/his son, he should want to make sure his partner of 10 years’ child gets some sort of support. If I was widowed then my DH created a new partnership, I’d be happy for some of what I left to go to the “new family”. Isn’t that what being in a partnership is about? And I would wager that OP’s partner did benefit from OP being part time with regards to caring for the home and him working full time like the zillion threads on MN about the DH not pulling his weight.

Agree with your partner.

if you split up tomorrow, what will you be left with?

nothing I would imagine - if he feels the "she just lives here" thing youneed to buy your own house/rent it out etc - have some form of saving pref a house/bricks
be mad not too

It doesn't sound much like a family from this

His DS and my DS don’t get along (they won’t even spend Christmas together!). I’m not sure why exactly but it goes back to an argument involving DSS ex girlfriend and DS.

I mean the OP doesn't even know for sure why they won't spend time together - it doesn't sound like it's a priority for them to be a big happy family unit

Even having a life interest is unfair on the son. He could wait decades for the OP to die, and who will tell him when she does ?

if the son and stepson don’t get on, there’s no incentive for the OP son to tell his step brother the OP has died

inheritance with step children is always messy, but in short I don’t think it’s fair for your ds to benefit from dss mums asset- it should go to dss. Did you invest your half of the divorce money at all?

I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs.

£35K is roughly £2K take home per month. You also lived in a house paying no mortgage or rent for years, and you were subsidised by a high earner partner, so you could have easily saved for a deposit on a property of your own, you just chose not to so please stop with the disingenuous crap.

You're taking the piss aren't you? I can't fathom why you think you have any entitlement to a house that you've never owned any part of or invested in.

You've had no housing costs for 10 years so the only thing stopping you buying an investment property was you choosing to spend your money in other ways.

Why should he? The son has his own parents for that. OP could have chosen to continue working full time, and invested what she was saving in rent to benefit her son in future. That she chose not to doesn’t oblige her partner to step into the breach.

He may or may not have benefited, but OP certainly did. Why does she need payment above and beyond what she’s already benefited from?

What partnership is about in a relationship is entirely up to the people in it.

Which will say he is free to leave his estate how he wishes.

I haven’t RTFT but have already had a similar discussion with my DH; if I die he is not to give any of my assets to a new partner. Our children should inherit.

You also seem to be missing that his DS lost his mother prematurely. Inheriting the house will mean a lot.

You DS presumably has his own DF and DGPs that he may inherit from. Why should he get someone else’s money? He has already benefited from your living situation with your DP.

I think the house has sentimental attachment and perhaps some sort of agreement with his late wife that it would always be their son's.

I think it is possibly less about money and more about the 'home' (even if his son is likely to sell it immediately).

On that basis I think the house should remain for his son alone. In addition a joint asset for people who don't get on is storing up trouble for them both..

However I do think you could look at the assets acquired since your partnership again. Is there anything else that could be ringfenced for your son or can you start to build more up (either jointly or by you stepping back from some financial commitments now to keep them in your name).

I think inheritance aside, this shows you are in a precarious position should the relationship end and should be in a position to improve that, which will naturally in turn benefit your son assuming you remain together.

Sorry OP but the house is for DSS regardless of his income/assets. Just make sure your partner has a will where it's clear that you can go on living there after his death since you're not married.

I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own
why would it prevent you from having an asset of your own? Surely that would make it easier for you to spend you salary on a property or investments

We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
I think that is far too much. It means his son will not inherit for possibly decades after his dad dies.

He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this
this is more than reasonable.

a better, fairer option would be for your partner to leave you his life insurance, and his son the house.

Agreed with the majority. His wife would have wanted her money to go to her own son. And he wants what he put into the house to go to his own son. Very fair you can live there until you die, then it’s his sons.

Agree with this. With the OP’s divorcé settlement plus a small mortgage she could have bought an investment property in a reasonably priced area and rented it out so her DS had something to inherit.

It’s not her DSS problem that she didn’t plan ahead.

He is right.

It’s his house. Not his son’s fault that you haven’t saved anything for your own son (whatever you were previously paying in rent could since have been saved for your son if you chose to do that!) and his son’s separate inheritance has no relevance.

Did you go part time because you’d hoped his salary and home would carry you and your son through life?

I've just read the gist of this thread to my DH.

Should I shuffle off I would absolutely want my DD's inheritance to be protected.

I would also want DH to be able to find happiness again and I think your DP has been more than generous and fair giving you a life interest and supporting you throughout your time together.

It has absolutely nothing to do with your DS.

I think it would have been wise to prepare for this scenario when you met your DP. You knew the house belonged to him and his late wife. Presumably you knew it had been paid off by her life insurance. It is therefore an asset for him and his children, it isn't, and never was, yours. You were foolish to spend money on the house, and you should have bought your own property independently, if you could afford it. If you couldn't, that's life, but living with your DP hasn't put you at any disadvantage. Hindsight is all very well, but there's no better time than now to start saving for your own future, and your children's.

Haven’t rtft but I’m in the sons position here.

My mum died, her life insurance paid of the mortgage. My dad has a partner to while he is engaged, she is divorced with 2 children. He’s made it crystal clear to everyone (whislt in each others company so total transparency) that when they get married there will be a pre nup that the house is solely mine and my siblings. Dad’s new wife will be free to stay in the house for however long she chooses if he was to die first. He has a separate life insurance policy that will support her following his death, but his assets are his and will become ours.
Whilst I am really really fond of his new partner and her children, my parents jointly bought the house, her children shouldn’t benefit from my mums death. They have 2 parents whose inheritance they will receive, they don’t need my mums.