Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

She’s has been, and is being, housed rent free. He’s also enabled her to work part-time. Is that not recompense?

If your ex dh died would you make your ds share his inheritance with his step brother?

Its what you’re asking dh to do to his son.

If you had paid for a shared home your child wouldn't have had his uni fees paid so would be dealing with student debt. Your child has had that money already in the form of uni being paid for.

Why don’t you OP agree on having half the uplift since you moved in.
so if the house was worth £800,000 when you moved in and is now worth £900,000 your half is £50,000.

In my view you could have bought a property when you moved in with your dp 10years ago and rented it out.
Then you would leave that to your son and he’d also theoretically inherit from his dad who is still alive.
Your dps son would inherit what his parents had prior to you both getting together and his mother passing away.

So each child inherits from their own birth parents at least. Then half after you got together

It is good you are discussing it, good luck in reaching a solution.

I am friend's with a 90 year old recently widowed woman. As a widow of 70, she met a widower of 68 on holiday twenty years ago. He has recently died aged 88.

After four years of long distance courtship she agreed to move up here to be with him and share his rented flat. She has told me repeatedly she went halves on everything with him.

It seems that he has left her everything in his will - and his two sons are furious, to the point of wanting his ashes to be put in with their late mother. All so unfortunate.

This with bells on.

I think it’s crazy that you don’t view her living there rent free as recompense, yes.

I own my own home (very tiny amount of mortgage left) and there would be no way that someone else’s adult child would be receiving a penny from it when I die. Every penny of mine (including the sale of the house) will be going to my DS.

I’m shocked that you have lived rent free in someone else’s house for 10 years and decided to benefit from that situation by only working part time and you think your adult (child) should receive a share of the house. Wow! That is incredibly entitled of you.

You had a choice to use your share of the equity from your previous home, work full time and purchase a property or at least invest the money long term.

Her son should get a “substantial” portion of a house that was paid for by his mother’s partner and his deceased wife!? A house which she paid nothing towards?

Why?

I think it’s good that you are addressing this and I would ensure that you can definitely stay in the property for your lifetime, should DP die first.

But I do agree that the house should go to your DP’s son. It was his family home where he lived with his parents so it only seems right that it should be inherited by him.

Why would he agree to that?

She could have bought her own property by continuing to work full time and using what she was saving in rent, but she chose not to. That isn’t something her partner needs to compensate her for. As it stands he’s been extremely generous by offering her a lifetime interest in the house.

I am the DC in this situation. That's his mum and dad's house. It goes to him.
What his grandparents have left him is irrelevant.

But he's not marrying her, possibly precisely because he wants the house he bought with his late wife to go to their child.

The recompense, is having someplace free to live, saving her many, many tens of thousands.

Agree with this.

If the house you moved into with him was mortgage free from the off then you haven't had to pay rent for 10 years. That money should have been saved and invested, ideally.

I think your only argument with regards to his house (and it is HIS house) is he moot. You are not marries and the house was paid for via him and his deceased wife. That house should go to their son.

The only thing he could do, if he so agreed, would be to calculate an agreed sum to cover the contributions you've made to eg alterations or maintenance of the property and include it in his will to repay you.

And this is why my property will be going into a trust before I marry.

can you buy yourself your own house, get a mortgage nd rent it out so you have an asset.

and stop contributing to this house - your money into it has helped it increase in value if you do not benefit.

So he should house her, and cover the costs associated with that, for free?

What about getting a Surveyor to give you what the value would of been 10 years ago when you moved in. This figure goes straight to his ds any extra value gets split.

So say valued at £100k when you moved in and value at last death £150k.
His ds gets £100k plus agreed split of £50k
Your ds gets agreed split of the £50k.

I do think at very least his ds gets lions share of value.

"Does you being part time benefit your partner? Ie do you do more housework so he can concentrate on his well paid job. If so he should really help you build up some wealth for yourself."

I think the decade free rent will probably outstrip any support a spouse going part time provided to his career in a 2 person house with no dependents with said support coming in their 40s when his career is likely established.

If the OP is hell bent on fairness she should probably be handing over a wedge of cash to him

She’s also only contributed in the home life for herself and DP. It’s not as if she had a proper relationship with the DSS. It’s bad enough he has to wait to inherit his family home, funded by his mum, while the OP rides out her time in it.

I would do that. If you can't afford to buy alone, you and your son could buy a property together to help him get on or up the property ladder.

"Continuing to argue doesn’t make what I said wrong at all. It is irrelevant whether someone owns the house outright, and there’s even been almost this exact scenario posted in the past, where a man lived with a woman in her house while renting out his own place and she never saw an penny of it. That didn’t go down too well, yet OP is being told this is what she should have done.

So if you knew what it meant why were you saying I was calling her a lodger? Oh, just to be obtuse and try to argue against something that can’t be argued against. Really strengthens your position that 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

If you want to be a hypocrite, that’s up to you. Doesn’t mean you have to drag others down with you."

@Wotcher and again, the circumstances in the example you have given are different to the one presented here. The OP is not renting out another property and living for free in her partner's house.

And I didn't say you called her a lodger. I said being in a relationship is not like being a lodger, and one person in a relationship should not make money off of another person, but that costs should be shared. Which again, the OP has already said the house does not have a mortgage on it but she is contributing to bills and decorating. So she is contributing to the costs, but in my opinion, she should not have to pay rent because the house is owned outright. Are you reading the same posts as me because you seem to be confused?

TBH, I think he should give some of his 50% to his partner. They've been together for over 10 years. They surely love each other. I'd want to know that the person I loved was cared for and her son would count as part of that.

@Closie how are your finances split, you mentioned a joint account, do your wages go into that. On a day to day basis do you feel things are equal? With no mortgage you both should have considerable personal spends.

YABVVU to expect anything from him for your son. If you were that concerned about leaving him something you could have continued working, seeing as you're living rent free.
Instead you chose to work less and enjoy more free time.

You sound jealous of your DP'a secure financial position but he lost his wife and his son, a mother.

Surely your son will inherit from his ex?