Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

They’re not married. If she left she’d get nothing. RTFT means read the fucking thread.

You didn't pay towards it
It was paid before he met u
Grabby

Agreed that I would definitely find the time to haunt anyone who thought they could lay their hands on my son’s inheritance.

Sorry, OP, piss poor planning on your part. The house belongs to the son.

Doesn't sound like she's paid him any rent. Bills/general upkeep are something she would've had to pay for even if she was living alone.

Her going part time and spending her salary on holidays/son's gap year/son's uni has more to do with the negative aspects of her current financial situation than anything her DP has done.

To Be honest you sound a bit grabby

You have already benefited (and continue to do so) from living in a mortgage free property and not having to pay towards rent/mortgage and so has your son

The house belongs to your stepson

Only one decade. And what she has spent towards the house she has saved by not paying rent.

Op you have essential lived there for 10 years not paying a mortgage so your point about not having an asset of your own isn't correct. You could have purchased on your own but by your own admission you couldn't do this. So your situation is no different here to what it would have been alone, except you was able to save money. How you can think your son is entitled to a house that was not paid for by you is shocking to me. As for the repairs you contribute towards I would count this as rent money you don't pay for living rent free in their home for 10 years.

I’m no legal expert but does anyone know if a beneficiary of a living trust is 100% guaranteed to live in a property? The son will own the house and may decide to remove OP - I don’t know if he’d be successful but unlike OP I think he could afford some really good lawyers.

Totally agree with your partner and similar to what I have done

My house was mine and paid off due to life insurance when dh died

Year later met dh 2

If we had no kids it would have gone to dh and his adult 3 kids

But we did - we have mini blondes so a joint child so slightly diff

But as my house it will be going to dd

Dh will have life rights to live there but house isn't his

Not dh

Disagree, she’s equally responsible for fair wear and tear on the house even if she doesn’t own it. If she lived in rented she would be paying for her own tin of Dulux.

Why ? Tell us the specific reasons he should get anything ?

I think in this case your partner is right. The house was entirely paid for by him and his wife's money and so as you have no shared children it should go to his son.
The money you have paid towards decorating etc has benefited you by the fact that you get to live in the house. I would absolutely expect you to be able to live in the house until the end of your life if your partner were to predecease you though, as it is your home.
I would give thought to maintaining separate finances for convenience, and finding ways to boost your own pot.

That said, I don't think I could commit my life to a relationship with someone who is so obviously still focused on his deceased wife. The idea that he wants to keep the house so he can read to grandchildren there just as his wife read to children (and I'm sure there's so much more!), rather than signing the house to his son and finding a new home to share with you - he's put you in second place to someone you can never compete with.

Possibly but if so when they’re not married and she has no protection it maybe wasn’t the best choice. Ultimately she’s very vulnerable….where is she going to live if they split up next week?

The house is paid off due to the death of his mother so yes he should inherit it and no your son shouldn't.

My late sisters house was paid off due to her death and I'll be damned if that house is left to anyone but her kids when her husband dies!

I think with the disparity in incomes between OP and her partner, as well as the massive inheritance OP's DSS is about to receive that will allow him to buy a house, perhaps OP's partner should be paying for all home-related costs himself. The house is paid off; mortgage isn't an issue. And he should be paying the bulk of the bills as he makes 4x what the OP makes. OP could therefore be putting a chunk into savings every month, investing it or at the very least a high interest rate account, that could eventually go to her son.

I would be pushing for a life interest in the house, though, so OP doesn't become homeless if her partner pre-deceases her.

Sorry OP, I agree with your DP.

I don't see why your DS should inherit anything from the house.

I don’t think people are being harsh just trying to make realise position she is in.
Doesn’t sound like there’s a will so currently his son inherits when he dies under intestacy rules.
If he dies tonight in a car crash, Op is homeless.
The son might let her stay a few weeks, might not.
So many women find themselves in precarious positions. No thought for what if we split, what if he dies.

But DS is simply not his responsibility. Op’s DS already has two parents.

It’s actually so outlandish that op thinks her son should be dipping into the inheritance that I’d be wondering if this wasn’t a reverse but for the fact that would mean a deceased mother was posting 🤨

My head says your DP has done the right thing leaving his house to his son.
However, at the moment you are just talking about wills. Things can change. You could both live together there for decades to come. For you OP it’s been your home for 10 years, you aren’t a part-time lodger.
Seeing as the son of your DP will already be well set up, and is already wealthy, I think it would be fair to leave you with some form of financial security
aside from the house.
If you outlive your DP ( grim discussions around wills, I know!) you may not want to live in the house or have the financial resources to do so. But I definitely think it would be fair to provide something for you financially - you are life partners, not flatmates.
What this brings into focus is how people can be vulnerable if they are not married. I think we all know someone who has been with a partner a long time, got on well with their kids. but the minute their parent passes locks are changed and belongings are on the front lawn. Often after the other partner has spent years nursing them through significant ill health.
It’s time to get smart about your own finances. You need to be clever about what you are spending, saving and earning. It is great you have been able to help your DS but you need to be practical about what is ring fenced for you.

Sorry, house to step son in it's entirety. I can see why DP feels like he is a custodian of the house for his son.

Life interest to you via a trust drawn up by a solicitor sharpish.

With a provision the life interest can be substituted for support to live elsewhere if DSS wishes to “ buy her out” and live in his mum’s home he grew up with her in - which I think would be a reasonable approach. In this instance the house is not a truly fungible asset.

@paywalled they have never been a blended family as the adult son moved out prior to op & partner living together. The family are not blended because the relationship* is *so poor that they can't even spend Christmas together.

Reverse this...a woman moves a man into her house, the man's adult son doesn't get on with the woman's family. The man doesn't contribute to house yet now expects his son to inherit. MN would be of the same opinion...he is a chancer, cock lodger and should have provide for his own son.

I'm absolutely with your DP on this one. If you want to leave your DS something then you need some investments which will be in your will.

But you do need to have a Life interest via Trust drawn up by a solicitor otherwise you are not entitled to even live there if your DP dies before you.

and thank god they aren’t. It would be like stealing from a dead woman and her son

Essentially no the house should not be split between your respective children, but say he dies next year and you are in the house for the next 20 years whose money will pay for repairs and maintenance of the house 🏠

For me I'd be annoyed if my mother's money went on the maintenance of a house that would not even partly become part of her estate. So would your partners ds just become your landlord

And on the other foot I'd be annoyed if my family home was being lived in by deceased fathers partner and her son who I did not like spent Christmases in my mother's house.

Tricky situation. I hope you come to amicable agreement