Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

I agree with your dp. Dh and I have already paid our mortgage off, but if something happened to either of us, we've both said the value of our house goes to dd. If either of us chose to remarry, and either went on to buy a new house, then we'd want the money (in percentage terms) protected for our dd.

It sounds like you've had a good 10 years earning an average salary, able to give your ds what many can't on your salary. I'd be grateful for your position. If you want more money work more. Working pt and being subsidised by a partner/ boyfriend is a huge privilege.

Unfortunately, unless you have put a substantial amount of money into the property, you and your son have no claim for inheritance. Even from a moral perspective.

i agree with other posters, you need to provide and enheritance fir your child:

I'm shocked you think the house should be part of your sons inheritance.

You put yourself in a vulnerable position and then expect your son to receive ££ when it's not your house. Living there makes it your home but in a similar way to a rental property.

Take out a life insurance policy and look at options around your pension to provide something for your son but don't expect your partner to provide for your son.

Your partner may decide to gift something to your son but that depends on their relationship - which seems to need work - and perhaps more from your sons side than partner??

they are not married
also just because they are married doesn't mean it entitles her to a house paid off by the mother's life insurance. that is completely callous

she didn't pay for repairs either just a bit of decorating which was paid from joint funds. she is a low earner working very few hours so most likely that joint funds was mainly from the partner

please actually read the thread before you start trying to call people out. thanks

Another one that thinks the house should go to your stepson. Sorry, the fact that you have not invested in property given you have had no rent or mortgage to pay but chosen to work part time is on you.

I don't think the house should be split, unless you had paid for substantive improvement work that added to the value (not just decorating). The house was mostly paid for by his deceased wife (including her life insurance). I can completely understand that he wants this to go to their son.

I would focus on building your own financial security in case you ever separate. It's nice to have been able to work part time and enjoy life for 10 years, but now I'd focus on earning more to invest money for your future. It's also nice to have helped your son financially with his gap year and uni, but now you need to use your income to invest for yourself.

I wouldn't bank on being able to live in the house after his death as you could separate, he could amend his will, or you may not be able to afford the bills on your own or want to move away. Have a plan B.

I appreciate you weren't able to pay into a mortgage on your home when you moved in with your partner. But you could have invested the money saved on rent - either into diversified stock market investments in an ISA or pension, or into a buy to let property. Both would have grown nicely over the past 10 years. It's not too late,but don't make the same mistakes again!

I'd do some research into managing your finances and how to invest for your future. Pete Matthews at Meaningful Money has written a great book and produced useful YouTube videos.

What happened to the much vaunted MN policy of ‘you knew they had a child when you go with them’ and that ‘they should treat the step-child like their own’.

Yet another thread showing double standards. OP is being told she and her child have no entitlement to inherit a 25% share of a house that she would have spent decades contributing to.

I’d also caution wills can be changed so even if he does initially agree to life interest he may change his will to just leave it to his son. No need to tell you. First Op would know is son wanting you out of his house after his father’s death.

Absolutely not,

I would be turning in my bloody grave if my husband and I had worked our arses off to give my children a good inheritance and his partner after me got to live rent free for years and tried to take a third of the money.

Yuck

as far as I understand she never paid any rent. I don't even know if she contributed to bills. @Closie OP ? did you contribute other than decorating?

not that I think it matters tbh...

Maybe because the OPs son was an adult and hasn’t lived there.

What has she contributed? The mortgage was paid off by the late wife’s life insurance!

She even said they haven’t done anything major to it.

why wasn’t she saving all the money she was saving in rent?!

This I agree with.

@Mummy2024 why is he a selfish man? Why should he need to leave anything to her son? Her son was 17/18 when they moved in together... he has no obligation, moral or otherwise, to provide anything for her son. A little gift in the will... sure! A fucking house his dead wife's life insurance paid for? His own son's family home? Leave a portion of that to an ADULT who was already practically an adult when he met him... that's just nuts.

I think you need a shake on this one.

it is a sort of crime when you can't express yourself politely (or accurately - check the difference between your and you're),

The lads were 18 adults at uni/gap yr when the couple lived together so they’ve never lived as a family. Presumably deliberately.
They also aren’t married so he’s not his step child.

“General decoration” does not equate to paying half of the living expenses . And even paying half of the living expenses does not equate paying half of the mortgage. And you haven’t done any of this, apart from “general decoration”, so unless general decoration involves a bespoke hand built kitchen and top of the range Italian marble bathroom and a landscaped garden you really have made very little contribution to warrant even being entitled to a small proportion of the property.

Assuming you have been working then you have had a healthy whack of money to save or invest over the last ten years. You could have put this into a small property which could either have been a bolt hole if anything went wrong with your relationship, or a pension pot, or an inheritance for your son. But you didn’t.

Presumably paying him rent and bills and the upkeep of the house.

I’d be less worried about what your son will inherit and more worried about where you would live if you and your partner were to split up.

If I were you, I’d also focus on ensuring that you have the legal right to live in that property for the rest of your life should your partner predecease you.

However, don’t forget that wills can be rewritten without you knowing (which then invalidate any previous ones) and wills can ‘go missing’ after death…

You really need to have some sort of back up plan to pay to house yourself should you split up or he die before you.

I think you’re getting too much of a hard time here OP. You were only asking and you’re getting called all sorts.

What’s done is done, you can’t go back and change anything so time to look forward.

Look at the positives - you’ve lived rent-free for ten years and will be able to do so for the rest of your life. You’ve been able to work part-time and still have quite a nice life, by your own admission plus you’ve helped your son through uni and a gap year, which is great for him. Lots to be thankful for.

Now you know DP’s intentions, take a bit of
time to do some financial planning for yourself, think about your pension, savings, and what you can do to (a) future-proof your living arrangements and (b) leave your DS an inheritance, as this seems important to you.

Lots of advice out there so get on to it!

Also the OP didn't share her capital sum from her divorce with her stepson. Which is perfectly reasonable but she doesn't then get to have it both ways and expect her DP's assets to be shared with her son

Think of it this way, you gave your son a great start by paying for his uni, he isn’t saddled with that debt. Don’t put any more money into the house, nothing for decoration or upkeep and change your life insurance to pay out to your son only.

That house was paid off by the wife dying so yes it should definitely only go to the son

Please read at least the op's posts before posting. She hasn't spent 'decades contributing '. She hasn't even mentioned paying any rent, just paying half of some decorating costs. Her dp has subsidised the OP heavily already, he doesn't have to leave her son half of his house too.