Inheritance argument with DP

[Closie]

I’ll start with some background. DP and I have been together for 14 years, lived together for 10. We were both married before and had a son each from our previous relationships. His son is 28, my son is 27. I got divorced, my ex is alive and involved with DS always has been. DPs wife passed away.

Our current home is the home DP and his wife bought together before their son was born. When his wife died the life insurance paid off what was left of the mortgage, covered his sons uni costs and took them on holidays etc.
When I got divorced we sold our marital home, I saved my half and lived in a rental for 6 years as I couldn’t afford a mortgage alone. The money I saved has since been used for DS’ uni costs and gap year.

DP has decided we need to get our wills in order and a point of contention is the house we currently live in. He believes it should be left to his DS in entirety when we both die, his argument being that it was paid for first by his and his late wife’s hard work, then by his late wife’s life insurance so I haven’t actually contributed anything. I disagree, I’ve lived here for 10 years which has prevented me from having an asset of my own and I’ve contributed to upkeep and repairs. I think at the very least it should be 25/75 though ideally 33/66. We have agreed though that however it is split I should be allowed to continue living here if he were to die first.
He also thinks we should leave everything else we have (life insurance or pensions) to our respective children, I think I’m ok with this.
Now I’m not sure if this is clouding my judgement so I will mention that his
DS has recently inherited from his grandparents on his mother side, a 7 figure sum with which he has bought a house outright. Now I know that technically isn’t relevant but it certainly influences how I feel.

So AIBU to think the house should be split between our children in some way, or is he right?

Seems to me it's all there in the OP; the DP earns much more and clearly there's a LOT of money in the family for the stepson to have received a huge inheritance, so perhaps OP thought she was well set?

I agree. Nobody voluntarily goes from full-time to part-time without damn good consideration, as well as needlessly spending a five figure sum on their adult child's gap year university costs.

OP, you've put yourself in a vulnerable situation, so please think about going full-time again and acquiring a nest egg, maybe a shared ownership property for your son if you can't get the funds for a traditional mortgage. Also, you may want money for your own care, if your DP or son are unable or just don't want to pay for it.

No entirely agree she had a decent sum each month to pay a mortgage on an investment property or invest in lieu of paying rent.
We don’t know how much the lump sum from sale of property was either. It may well be she’s given her son far more than she was required to for uni and chosen to fund his gap year holiday.

No she didn’t. She said her partner’s son had just inherited from his maternal grandparents. Her partner has not inherited anything recently.

@Closie you are being extremely unreasonable
it doesn't matter how much your partner's son has inherited. this is the house he grew up in, this is a house paid for by his mother and father. you paying a few decorating bills doesn't entitle you to anything - legally or morally.

it's absolutely vile that you are even thinking this is ok.

if you wanted your son to have something or wanted to ensure your own financial security, you should have ensured that yourself! sounds like you enjoyed your earnings without considering your own long term future. your partner should offer to leave you something, maybe a life time interest in the house and some savings and perhaps you should get married to secure yourself financially - but the house should go to his son either way.

No idea what the abbreviation means but she will get the equity for her son, in the divorce and a whole lot more besides given the husband also likely "inherited" recently. If he wants to be so callus towards OPs child he deserves to lose half of everything.

Personally I'd say it won't come to that he will back track pretty quickly once half his money is on the line....

Was going to say the same. General diy wouldn't count as up keep

Another with your DP, regardless of your DP’s son’s inheritance from GP I fail to see why your son deserves any part of a house you live in without significant cost to yourself!
Your failure to plan is not his or his son’s problem I’m afraid. It’s harsh but there we go.

Look at life insurance with your DS as beneficiary, same for your pension, start saving and look at purchasing a small property in your name.

But, if you push this with an expectation of getting a part of this house for DS, don’t be surprised if you suddenly find yourself without a home too!

To summarise:

DP and his now deceased wife paid off the mortgage

You have only contributed a small amount of general upkeep costs, no major renovations

Your DS never actually lived there

Your DP doesn't have a long standing stepdad type relationship with him

You spent your capital sum on your DS

Your response to not having to pay rent or a mortgage was to live it up and cut down your hours

I really can't understand why you think your DP should give away any of his house to your DS.

If you want to leave your DS an inheritance, I would suggest you go full time and take fewer holidays

If the situation was reversed, ie you owned a property paid for by inheritance from your son's father or your parents, would you think his son should inherit any of it? You have doubtless paid towards some household costs over the years but you haven't had to pay rent or a mortgage. If you want to leave an inheritance to your son you need to think about how to make that happen. Your two sons are not related, don't regard each other as step-brothers and just happen to have different financial situations.

I think you are very confused.
We aren’t married, we can’t get divorced.
DP hasn’t inherited anything, his DS inherited from his mothers parents, nothing to do with DP!

Read the full thread. What divorce?? They’re not married. And it was the SON who inherited, not the partner - so no- he won’t lose half of anything!!

How have you made such nonsense up fgs.

Absolute rubbish, she married him she's entitled to half, he wasn't calling it "his house" when she was paying for the repairs!

He remarried half of everything he owns is now hers! What people believe is morally right is irrelevant! It's not morally right it's morally wrong to leave her son with Absolutely nothing! She married that marriage should contribute to her estate!

Gosh please read the thread - we are not married!

Shame in that case nothing she can do leave the selfish man and move on.

@Mummy2024 you’re just embarrassing yourself now.

She’s not married. No divorce. She’s living with a boyfriend. He’s got no legal obligations to her. She’s got less rights to live there than a lodger.
If he comes home tonight and says please leave now then she has to leave tonight.

Your point being? You think I care what you think? Your just an inconsequential poster on mumsnet 😆 🤣 😂. Have your little opinion and move along.

@Mummy2024 have you missed the bit where they never married? Makes your whole point a little irrelevant now.

Btw, even if they had married, I'd still expect that home to go to her husband's son.

At least her opinion is based on fact - unlike everything you’ve been spewing on the thread!

I don’t need to move along 😂 you clearly are bothered since you’ve replied. Go have a lie down dear before you give yourself a headache from all the mental gymnastics you’ve done on this thread.

Although it is in some ways unlucky for you that you are not as rich as your DP and that your son won't be as rich as his - it is the way the world is.
Wealth is not equally distrubuted.

You don't get to own a house just by living in it - even if you decorate.

(Have you really paid enough rent to even feel you could own 25% of the place?)

It is your DP's house (and his wife's) and he can pass it to his son (even if his son is already wealthy).

Even if your DP is lovely and relationship strong, it would be sensible to work at saving and providing a place/income for yourself in the future.

The abbreviation means Read The Full (or Fucking) Thread. At least read all the OP's posts. They are not married so they can't divorce! She has no claim on her partner's property

Except she’s spent her lump sum from sale of her previous house - has she got a deposit to buy or rent?
Shes gone pt on a low wage - can she afford rent or a mortgage on her own?
Shes entirely reliant on staying in his good graces to live there not in a position to negotiate hard.

Sorry I’m with your partner.

I would roll in my grave if the new girlfriend and her son got their hands on my property if they came along after I’d died and the whole thing was paid off. It should be for their son.

Something similar happened in my family where children were disinherited by the new wife so I’ve always felt very strongly about this.

You should’ve sorted this out early on.

albeit your partner sounds quite difficult if he flatly refused any sort of compromise when he got together with a new partner

This. You also did not have to work part time but you chose to. You cannot blame your DP for your own financial decisions which in hindsight were not the most future-thinking.

The house belongs to your DP's son. It was paid for by your DP's late wife. End of.

The life interest will compensate you for whatever repairs or upkeep you made to the house.

Your DP's decision on the will is fair.