To struggle with this friendship because of the sheer inequality?

[friendssship]

I know I’m probably being unfair. I have a new friend I met while we were both pregnant, I’ve been back at work a year now, as has she. We became quite close and speak every few days at least via text.

Her life is so so so easy in comparison. She logs in from home 99% of the time and will shower in peace over her lunch break or go to the shops in peace etc. She will do all admin for the home and hoover or clean the kitchen. Her house is always spotless. She works for a company in a professional role and her salary must be well above 50k. I earn 40k and I am slogging my guts out in the nhs. Last week she had to go in for a meeting and was telling me she was ‘going to have to find’ 30 quid for travel and parking… I have to pay for parking daily. I have no time at all, the moment I am home after collecting dd I am on the go with dinner and Bath time.

she has gone to nursery early to collect her child and mine is in until the latest moment as I just can’t leave work early and get away with it! I’m really struggling to maintain the friendship which I know is NOT her fault at all… I guess I just want to rant. It’s so much harder for mothers who can’t work from home when they have young kids. My life really couldn’t be more stressful in comparison to hers and I feel like it’s a constant reminder whenever we chat in the week. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, I wonder if maybe she doesn’t actually realise how bloody difficult it is when you can’t work from home?!

You are being ridiculous. If you don't like your job, change it. Don't blame your friend for it. What is it you want her to do? Keep telling you you're doing a great job? Ps, not everyone has it easier being at home, some people it drives mad while they are sinking into depression and trying to keep their head above water. Some people are better in roles where they have to be out of the house.

I'm you're friend in this scenario. If one of my friends backed off because of MY JOB I'd realise we were never really good friends at all.

Why is it her fault and why does she have to “realise” how hard it is for mums who don’t work from home? What do you expect her to do about it?

So in short, you're jealous of your friend. What do you want her to do?

Unless she’s being bitchy and deliberately bragging to you how good she has it, gently YABU.

It’s not her fault you chose the job you have.

What makes you think she doesn’t realise. What do you want her to do? Stop talking about her life? Erect a temple in your honour or will a medal suffice?
There are remote/hybrid NHS positions out there. Maybe, instead of complaining, do something to change your situation.

I know is NOT her fault at all… I feel like it’s a constant reminder whenever we chat in the week. ..... I wonder if maybe she doesn’t actually realise how bloody difficult it is when you can’t work from home?!

What difference does it make if she 'realises' or not? What can she do?! Tip toe around you not mentioning anything which might make you feel bitter?

It's quite obvious that you can't handle the differences between you and you should kindly allow the relationship to fade.

Surely she’s not the first person you’ve met with a different job to you? It’s good to have friends with a range of lives. It sounds like you want to change your life and that’s the issue really

You sound utterly ridiculous and jealous ... everyone's lives are different. What exactly do you expect her to do?

Her life being harder wouldn’t make yours easier. Honestly, your resentment is only hurting you, it’s a choice to project your stresses onto someone who’s not responsible for your circumstances. Improve your own lot however you can.

Your friend hasn't done anything wrong.

Fucking hell you sound like an awful friend!!! What on earth do you expect her to do?! My goodness. She’s got a different job to you - shock horror. Please let this friendship fade - and fgs
dont tell her why unless you want her to think you’ve gone mad.

How do you know it's easier for her? My mental health never suffered more than when I was WFH and had a kid. I went stir crazy, I was isolated and depressed and utterly miserable but felt I couldn't complain because if I ever did people scoffed and told me how ungrateful I was being because I had such an easy time of it with my nice easy WFH job and all that time it gave me.

I'm much happier now I'm working out of the house again.

A mile in another's shoes and all that.

Either way it doesn't matter, look at changing why you're so miserable and stressed instead of being bitter that she's not miserable and stressed too. To coin a popular mumsnetism, it's not a race to the bottom.

This isn't inequality OP, you just sound very jealous and resentful of her. Better to leave the friendship for both of your sakes.

And most of my friends who work from home think those who work outside of the home have it easier!

You're looking at her life and you're consumed by jealousy because you perceive it as far easier than yours - that's nothing to do with your friend, that's all you.

None of what you've said is any way on her. But yes, it may be time to end the friendship as the comparisons you're making are leaving you so angry and dissatisfied, and do it before your poor friend wonders why all you ever do is glare at her.....

I get that it's really difficult, and I don't think your resentment comes from you being a dreadful person.

But the only thing you can do in these circumstances is make peace with your choices or change your life. Resenting other people's choices will do nothing to improve your life, because even just feeling resentful is making your life worse.

Do you have any options to e.g. apply for non-patient facing roles at your local ICB where working from home might be an option?

If you don't fancy that, then maybe examining the things you do like about your job and why for you it's better than alternatives might help.

You are jealous and think it’s her fault.

What is stopping you from applying for one of the many work from home jobs available in the NHS?

Surely what you take from the scenario is that she has helped you to realise that your set up doesn’t really work for you anymore and that you need to take steps towards finding a more flexible job, rather than resenting her for having a set up which works well for her. There’s no point being bitter about something and not making any effort to change it.

I totally get where you're coming from OP. There is a huge difference between WFH and having to go out to work and dash around with transport/drop offs/pick ups etc. The WFH scenario has enabled people to completely take it for granted and lose any insight into the reality of going out to work. WFH has also enabled some people ( not all) to take the proverbial. I have met people on school runs, allotments and hairdressers ( as some examples) who are allegedly WFH (and not on a day off!)😂
Completely unfair and epitomises the contrast of those people who go out to work and those who WFH. A friend of mine who WFH admits to 'frequently moving the mouse'; says it all!
My advice OP is to perhaps limit your engagement with your friend, you have enough stress with working/childcare/pick ups etc. Concentrate your resources on looking after yourself, take care

As others have said, why do you feel she needs to acknowledge how your family life is set up? Nothing she does or says can alter your set up in any way. Only you can do that.

People's lives are all different OP. If you believe that friendship can only exist with people whose lives and set up are more or less identical to your own then that is a restriction of your own making.

How do you think those who survive genocide, war, famine, abuse or any number of other disadvantage in life manage to live alongside those who haven't had to deal with them?

I may feel that people who don't have to shop, cook and clean for themselves are privileged, because I have to do all those things, but I definitely wouldn't stop being friends with someone because of it.

Very unrealistic. Not sure what OP's role is in NHS but it is likely to be directly involved with patients. Unfair to label OP as jealous

I wonder if maybe she doesn’t actually realise how bloody difficult it is when you can’t work from home?!

Quite possibly she does, and that's why she elected to WFH.

Either way, what exactly do you want from her??

I think you might be in the wrong here. No one is forcing you to do the job you do. All comes with Pros and Cons. some of my friends have easier jobs than me, doesn't mean I want to distant myself from them. Some of them earn more than me, some less.

Of course the OP is jealous. It's dripping off her post.