To struggle with this friendship because of the sheer inequality?

[friendssship]

I know I’m probably being unfair. I have a new friend I met while we were both pregnant, I’ve been back at work a year now, as has she. We became quite close and speak every few days at least via text.

Her life is so so so easy in comparison. She logs in from home 99% of the time and will shower in peace over her lunch break or go to the shops in peace etc. She will do all admin for the home and hoover or clean the kitchen. Her house is always spotless. She works for a company in a professional role and her salary must be well above 50k. I earn 40k and I am slogging my guts out in the nhs. Last week she had to go in for a meeting and was telling me she was ‘going to have to find’ 30 quid for travel and parking… I have to pay for parking daily. I have no time at all, the moment I am home after collecting dd I am on the go with dinner and Bath time.

she has gone to nursery early to collect her child and mine is in until the latest moment as I just can’t leave work early and get away with it! I’m really struggling to maintain the friendship which I know is NOT her fault at all… I guess I just want to rant. It’s so much harder for mothers who can’t work from home when they have young kids. My life really couldn’t be more stressful in comparison to hers and I feel like it’s a constant reminder whenever we chat in the week. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, I wonder if maybe she doesn’t actually realise how bloody difficult it is when you can’t work from home?!

I’m not really sure what answer you are looking for.

Go get another job. Do something about your situation instead of taking out your jealousy on your friend.

Good grief, you’re squirming with envy. How horrible for you.

That’s not true. As long as she does the work then the hours are often irrelevant. I work from home. As long as I do the job it doesn’t matter if it’s at 5 am or 5pm.

Loads of people are jealous of me and my wfh job. It didn't fall into my lap and they wouldn't be jealous of all the hard work I put in in the past to make the here and now "so very easy".

Gently, yes you are being unreasonable.
I understand your frustration though. I have many times since becoming a mum struggled with irrational envy. I had twins who never slept. I was insanely and unfairly jealous of anyone who had a baby who slept well. I would have to change the subject away from sleep just because I was so triggered if anyone mentioned how well their baby slept. I would feel so bitter about it that when I was alone I would sometimes cry about how much “harder” I had it. So trust me, I do get it. Truly. But I recognised in myself that those feelings were toxic. It is no-one’s fault that I was so sleep deprived. My friends experiencing sleep regressions did not suddenly make mine go away.

4 years later, I still have those friends. I’m glad I was able to rein those feelings in and not push them away. Eventually my twins slept a bit better and I was able to find positives in twin parenting and truly count my blessings… I love my life now.
The truth is, her life may seem easier, and maybe it is. But also you don’t know everything. She could have crippling debt, health worries, marriage problems. To answer your question: yes it is deeply unfair of you to resent her.

OP I completely get it.
Your post about parking says it all. You are in a stressful demanding job where are you can’t slack even for second and every morning you have to commute and park somewhere AND pay for this. Whereas she is swanning around the house mostly and moaning about one occasion she should do a normal average action. Yes, this unfairness is not her fault but she just doesn’t get how privileged her life in comparison with yours. And I bet we can live without her in her job but will probably struggle without you.
I think you need to cut ties with her a bit, just move her to “not so close friends” group to protect your own mental health.

Where’s babies dad here, why can’t he clean the kitchen and do early pick ups?

It's not inequality though is it, its choice. You chose to work for the NHS.Your friend chose the job she does. It's not down to her to make sure you are "equal"
Why don't you afford a job with her company?

I do uunderstand how hard the juggle is going out to your workplace whilst juggling childcare, keeping on top of the house and chores, trying to be the best Mum you can and have the energy for the QT with DC. It is so very hard.
I did this whilst my DS were growing up. It was exhausting.
However not every wfh job allows the flexibility your friend’s does. I now wfh. My DC are grown. I welcome not having the commute. But we’re very short-staffed, under-resourced with a new inexperienced manager who is struggling. I find it terribly hard to break from the screen even to make a coffee or get lunch, and am logged on way beyond my contractual hours in a way I just wouldn’t be if I was commuting. The grass isn’t always greener.
I hope you get to find some more balance OP.

You chose to have a child. What exactly were you expecting?

This. Use these feelings to make a change..what else can you work at ? Can you get a job with more wfh?. Can any of your job be done from home? Wfh can be really boring and lonely though....you don't always know what other people are feeling. Jealously is just pointless. There will always be someone with more than you.

It sounds like you are just exhausted and need a break. Do you have a partner or family nearby? If so, can they not help you more?

Of course it is not your friend's fault but I think it is understandable that you feel life is unfair. But what do you want your friend to do? Is she a good friend? If so, try not to let this spoil your friendship.

I think some of the posts here are a bit mean. Surely most people have felt a bit jealous of someone at some time in their lives?

Wow. You sound jealous and you don’t even know her.

If you really feel you need to compare then, instead of focussing on a friend who has a better life than you, how about looking instead at those people who aren't so fortunate. Comparison is the thief of joy, as you are discovering. You sound thoroughly joyless.

As a friend, explain the bits you think she doesn't get. Not as a woe is me, but so she doesn't keep repeating it.

Her saying make time for yourself doesn't have to be doing the same as she does.
It could be taking 10 minutes to do your nails once kids in bed, soaking your feet whilst watching tv, making your favourite meal once a week etc.
Don't compare like for like, do what suits your situation.

There'll always be someone "better off" than you and you need to work on yourself to accept that.

Not everyone is happy in seemingly ideal situations. You don't know all the ins and outs.
Appreciate what you have and work on what you can change.
Focusing on things beyond your control is a waste of time and emotion.

People keep spitting out the word “jealous” like there’s something wrong with it. Jealousy and envy are things we all feel. And they serve a purpose. They’re signposts to show you what you want.
find a way to create the life you want.
friendships can inspire us to improve our lives, if we let them.

I thought there was going to be some post about someone living in luxury while their mate worked all hours and were strapped for cash. When in reality, OP, you and your friend's circumstances are very similar. Working with small children is very hard, but it sounds like your friend has managed to make life easier for herself. Good on her. Have a look what changes you can make rather than bemoaning her "good fortune".

If I work at the office I'm still taking care of family and home "before I do any work".

Envy is fine. Jealousy is bitter and fearful and eats you up.