Would you be happy with this? Birthday present

[Tiredandflabby1]

Say your live-in partner plans a surprise for your birthday, which is also your gift.
This turns out to be a meal at a lovely restaurant which you rarely eat at as it's quite expensive.
We enjoy the meal, we only ordered a starter to share, a main each and a diet coke each, no dessert.

When the bill came, he asked me if I could pay £10 towards it as it was a little expensive.
I did, but he was the one who planned it and also said it was my present. Not sure what to think?

Sounds like a control thing.

He needs to know he can make you pay, even though it’s a present.

It depends on your financial relationship. I'd never ask someone to contribute to a meal I had arranged as a birthday gift. No way. Dud they ask because they were taken by surprise by the dust and genuinely didn't have enough available or were they charging you because they didn't want to spend that much?

Obviously I don’t know your financial situation- but honestly - to ask for a tennner sounds ridiculous. I could more understand being caught out by pricing and saying “can you lend me £50” than just £10.

That just sounds weird. What was the overall bill?

How do you normally split finances?

They had enough to cover on their own, I think the bill was £47.

• taken by surprise at the cost, I meant.

I'd be annoyed.

If he can't afford it then choose a restaurant he can afford.

I would rather not have gone if he couldn’t afford it. Sounds awful, sorry 😔

It would certainly take the shine off for me.

Not to sound dramatic but I’d be questioning my relationship if my live in partner couldn’t spend £47 on a restaurant that was also meant to be my gift without asking me for £10 towards it. Ridiculous and lazy imo

Yeah, that’s weird. I think I’d have laughed and said, ‘Oh, wait, you were serious? No.’

Also £47 for two people is not expensive.

I'd say no and give him the death stare until he apologised for being so utterly awful.

Gifts should not incur the recipient any cost.

£47 for two people? If he can’t afford that, he can’t afford to take you out for a meal full stop so shouldn’t have offered.

Also - was sharing the starter and only having a coke each because that’s what you wanted or because he was being tight?

I think you must know his finances. Could he afford 47 pounds?

I would feel the same as you, it seems very odd that he only asked for £10. If he booked it then he should pay for it and your bill wasn’t excessive.
what do you normally do bill wise if you go out?
do you take him out to dinner on his birthday?

This. What difference does £10 make to a nice restaurant bill?? At best he’s tight, at worst he’s playing some controlling mind games.

Op, I mean this politely but it’s not an expensive restaurant. But you think it is. Which means that maybe money is very tight. But I’d expect you to know if it was?

Or he’s skint and expected it to be cheaper.

Run.

Exactly and considering he had some of the starter he had his own main and his drink as part of that bill. In the day and age £47 for two ppl at a restaurant is average not expensive.

So your gift was actually just a £13 meal?

That's pretty crappy, the only excuse would be if he was paying cash and didn't have enough but no one does that nowadays without some other form of payment on their phone/watch if they left their wallet. He sounds tight andId be re-evaluating the relationship and his other behaviour.

An expensive restaurant where a starter and two mains is £47???

Edit to say : actually that's mean of me and perception of expensive is irrelevant, he's a cheapskate if he's asking for you to pay 1/5 of your own birthday present.

I paid £32 for two wimpy meals yesterday so I’d actually say it’s cheap.

Is that his idea of an expensive meal? Does he normally eat McDonalds?!

The entire thing sounds joyless. Not just the asking for a tenner, but also the sharing a starter, no desserts and one soft drink each.

If my partner really was so broke that he genuinely couldn’t afford to spend more than £37, that would be fine - I wouldn’t expect him to take me to a restaurant at all. But if he told me he’d booked a meal for us, I would assume he could afford it, and I’d think he was tight as a duck’s arsehole if he then asked me for a tenner towards it. I mean, seriously, is a tenner a lot of money to him? Is he out of work at the moment or a student or something? Or is he, as I suspect, just a miserable miserly prick?