Would you be happy with this? Birthday present

[Tiredandflabby1]

Say your live-in partner plans a surprise for your birthday, which is also your gift.
This turns out to be a meal at a lovely restaurant which you rarely eat at as it's quite expensive.
We enjoy the meal, we only ordered a starter to share, a main each and a diet coke each, no dessert.

When the bill came, he asked me if I could pay £10 towards it as it was a little expensive.
I did, but he was the one who planned it and also said it was my present. Not sure what to think?

He spent £13.50 on you for your surprise birthday gift. That's tight by any standard.

If my money was tight and I wanted to treat a girlfriend to a nice birthday meal out I would plan it for a year and save £2 a week so would have £104 for it.

Unless you are teenagers this is not on.

Why take you there if he can’t afford it? Your extremely frugal meal was less than £25 a head, and of that he only paid for part of yours! Miserly.

That is right op.
It would cost more than that in my local pub and that is nothing fancy. A Diet Coke alive us at least £5.
If he was that skint, he should have bought an M & S dine in for 2 meal and cooked that for you both. He could then have bought you a box of chocolates with the money he saved.
What us he like generally?
Thus scenario sounds quite grim.

Tight not right.

No I wouldn’t be happy with this.

Dp and I quite often don’t do presents but if we go out for dinner the birthday person doesn’t pay unless we know one of us is short for some reason but if that’s the case we would definitely discuss this before we book! I mean the birthday person might put the tip in but apart from that….

you don’t choose a restaurant with no input from the person you invite tell them it’s their present then expect them to contribute unless that was stated as the plan before going.

the only way for me this would be ok is if I knew beforehand that the person inviting me didn’t have much money. Which is fine but that’s not what I’m reading here.
I know for some £47 would be a lot but again not from the tone I get in this case

can I ask did you share and not have dessert because that’s what you wanted to do or did he put you in a position where you thought you should.

is he thoughtless or cheap or selfish in other ways.
what I mean is this a blip or does this form part of a bigger pattern.

Are you very young @Tiredandflabby1 ? £47 for two people is not an expensive restaurant.

Major ick

Appalling meanness.

So he spent £18.50 on your birthday present, at the same time as buying himself the same £18.50 present, at the same time as charging you £10 for the luxury. What a charmer.

Sorry he sounds pathetic. You can do better.

Tight bastard

That's a new level of nasty and skanky. if you've got no kids together, you're not married, and you've got no commitments, then throw this one back in the sea. What a useless excuse for a man. I would have paid for everything I ate and dumped him right there. Bet he's crap in bed too.

He is either tight-fisted, broke, or in debt - possibly all 3. No woman wants a loser of a man like that. Do yourself a favour and don't be lumbered with him for life @Tiredandflabby1 DUMP him!

So your half was £23.50, and you had to pay £10 towards it? Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with a £13.50 gift from my partner. (Unless DP was struggling financially, in which case I would have declined an “expensive” meal out).

It doesn't matter if he thinks this is or isn't expensive. The point is it's really off to invite someone to dinner, not check the price is something you can afford beforehand, then ask them to contribute a relatively tokenistic amount...for their birthday.

Indeed. I would not accept the thoughtlessness. I would be much happier with a meal cooked for me and a small, thoughtful gift.

Tight git…find a nicer partner

You don't offer someone a gift and then expect them to pay towards it!!! Absolutely not on. If you can't afford the nice restaurant, you give them a cheaper gift such as a specially good home-cooked meal. Even a cheap box of chocolates would be better then "taking you out" and then asking you to pay part of the cost.

If I were the giver and had literally miscalculated and been caught out at the unexpected expense, I would ask for a loan in a grovelling manner so as to cover the bill, and then pay it back. Even so, I would be full of apologies for my mistake.

When my late husband and I started going out together, we were both short of money. On one of our first dates, he said he wanted to take me out for a lovely restaurant meal but didn’t have the funds. I offered to pay but he refused. He asked if I minded a cheaper meal, which I had no problem with at all. We ended up with a big bag of chips which we ate on the beach in the moonlight! Best meal I have ever had.
We were married for 54 years until his death and I have never known a more generous person. Once he got settled in a good job, he really spoilt me. I wanted for nothing and we had lots of delicious restaurant meals over the years.
But that bag of chips was still the best meal we ever shared, in my opinion!

£47 for a starter, 2 mains and a drink each? I like Nando's, but it's hardly 'lovely'.

I think that is very mean of your partner.

So the bill was 47, your half was 23.50 as surely his food that he ate was not your present, and if you paid 10 then his gift to you was £13.50 - yanbu

Oh you poor love. I hope other people in your life treated you better on your birthday x

This!

If he'd forgone the tightwad restaurant meal and not asked you for the tenner he'd have been able to get you a lovely gift. The man is cheap.

I'm of the persuasion that parsimoniousness when it comes to birthday treats and other things that we're supposed to lavish on their partner is a bellwether. Asking someone to chip in for a birthday meal is cheap and nasty and a worrying indicator of future behaviour. I'm thinking of when there are kids and mortgage and you more or less pipe all your salary directly into schools, doctors, tutors and whatnot without a second thought. This does not bode well.

Birthday treat is birthday treat.