Would you be happy with this? Birthday present

[Tiredandflabby1]

Say your live-in partner plans a surprise for your birthday, which is also your gift.
This turns out to be a meal at a lovely restaurant which you rarely eat at as it's quite expensive.
We enjoy the meal, we only ordered a starter to share, a main each and a diet coke each, no dessert.

When the bill came, he asked me if I could pay £10 towards it as it was a little expensive.
I did, but he was the one who planned it and also said it was my present. Not sure what to think?

I imagine the breakdown something like this:

Cokes - £2.50 each, so let's say £5 for both

Mains - £15 each, brings the total up to £35

Starter - £12

Equals £47!

Not super cheap, but definitely not expensive in this day and age!

Surely he had a look at the menu beforehand so he knew what the prices were like? It doesn't sound like you ate the lobster thermidor! Why didn't he put the bill on a credit card- then he'd have 6 weeks to pay it off! I appreciate £47 is alot for some people, but he should have checked beforehand.

£47 for two sounds like a bargain - if he couldn't afford it he shouldn't have booked.

This ^^

£47 that's not an expensive restaurant. I'd be raging if it was being passed off as a birthday present and I had to chip in.

What age is he and what level of income/outgoings does he have? It would make me feel pretty weird, if I'm honest

How long have you been together?

know your worth. You are worth more than this. You are worth much more than a man asking for a tenner for a birthday meal HE planned.

He is showing his true colours here and this is the start of what he will continue to be like in the relationship. It won’t end.

I’d be making a lot of mental notes and really think about whether this is what I want for my life. The answer is no.

Today my husband paid for a hotel for me to stay in for my work do in London at the end of the month. Unprompted and unasked - I’m 9 months post partum and feel rubbish so this was a nice surprise.
this is the kind of man you deserve @Tiredandflabby1

This sounds like the most miserable birthday present ever…..and I’m not one for presents. He just didn’t want to spend that much on you.

That isn't expensive, sorry.
Someone that asked me to contribute to that amount for something that was meant to be a birthday gift would be in the bin.

It's not about the money. But if was only going to spend £13 on you it would have been better if he hadn't spent £23 on himself at the same time. A £13 dress from Primark would have been preferable.

Well it's easy to know what to think OP, you simply don't want to.

£47 for a meal for two is pretty inexpensive, and as he picked the restaurant he should know the prices. I'd rather a man who took me to the local chippy mind you probably wouldn't see much change from £50 even there and treated me than get a bill for part of my birthday meal.

If you’re skint, don’t ‘give’ someone a nice meal out as a birthday present. Pretty basic.

He must be well strapped for cash, or extremely tight with money. £47 for 2 to eat out since covid is pretty frugal. Was it his idea to share the starter?
I hope you've been, or internd to be, every bit as frugal as he has been when it's his birthday. I'd be concerned about his finances if he can't afford to take you out.

He didn't exactly gain much back either. Who is so tight that they offer someone a meal and then make sure the recipient pays such a small amount? Most odd. I would not be happy.

So after you deduct your £10 contribution to the shared meal your present was worth £18.50.

£47 isn't expensive for two people but if he is genuinely under financial pressure he should have chosen something else as a present and maybe a takeaway instead of looking for money off you to pay towards your present and turning it into something reeking of a miserly and skinflint vibe.

Happy Birthday

I would think he liked the big gesture but resented having to actually pay.
Maybe you failed to say 'wow amazing fabulous you are so good to me' 20 times so everybody could hear how great he is.
How do you treat him on his birthday @Tiredandflabby1 ?

Good job you happened to have that £10 handy.

And did he leave a tip @Tiredandflabby1 ?

You are living together, so you aren't bloody teenagers. If things are so tight that a £47 meal has to be subsidised by the recipient, then he shouldn't be taking you out. You can get some lovely, inexpensive things for under £30.

I think either he is A) Financially incompetent to the extent he cannot estimate what a meal will come to and budget accordingly or B) Wanted the "glory" of a big gesture, but resented having to pay.

Or C) He couldn't be arsed to make an effort, forgot to get you anything, said "I'll take you to X" before looking into it and then only realised the cost when you got there.

Either way, I'd not be too impressed.

I think we all know the answer to that one!

Asking for £10 is weird. I think it'd be better to ask for a larger sum (e.g. can we split the price of drinks?) or just pay for everything.

Sounds like a miserable birthday for you
You know his finances obviously but it's not an expensive restaurant and to then ask you for £10 is very strange
My first thought it's a power play on his part

This!

Making your birthday present a treat for him is shitty in the first place. Asking you to contribute towards it is ridiculous. Did you ask why or just pay up?

I bet you spent more than £20 on his birthday present. The miserable skinflint.

No dessert, no champagne and he asks you to contribute towards your own birthday gift? He's a mean git and will almost certainly get even meaner if you stay with him long term.