How late to let a 12 year old stay out

[DoodleDragonD]

DS (12) just had a friend call for him to come out to play (8.45pm) It’s pouring down and his friend was soaked. AIBU to think that it’s too late for DS to go out and for his friend to be out? DS had just had a bath and was in his PJs. He’s in year 7 in comp and quite a few of his new friends seem to be out all hours and left to their own devices a lot. What’s a normal curfew for a 12 year old? Is going out to play at nearly 9pm way too late?

Personally I’d think that was too late yes, I’d invite to come in or say during the day instead

Yes it’s too late. Mine are younger though so I haven’t got to this stage yet.

You’re are being completely ridiculous. A 12 year old ‘having a bath and in PJs’ by 9pm on a light, summer’s evening sounds more like the way a 5 year old should be treated. The rest of his friends will still be out playing/hanging around, and rightfully so.

I let my ten year old out until 8pm, 8:30 on a weekend. Id definitely be saying no in the pouring rain on an evening

If it were a lovely light summer evening, the rare kind we have to treasure, I’d say it’s fine. But that would be a special day and on a non special day where there is no need to seize the moment, I wouldn’t want a 12 year old out on a school night just hanging around and starting just before 9pm so presumably continuing for at least an hour.

DS aged 12 is usually in PJs by about now on a school night. If it’s sunny I am happy for him to go out on his bike with a friend until about 8.30ish but not really any later than that.

Depends on the time of year, who they are with and what they are doing. It is still really light right now so id be fine with my 12 year old playing out with his friends on his bike.

My year 7 12yo is in bed by 9 on a school night. There are so many things in life I can't give him, but a good night's sleep is free and easy (and vital for good learning and good mental health).

I agree with this.

I wouldn’t mind him staying out later, say til 8/8.30 but actually heading out at 9pm on a school night in the pouring rain seems a bit much.

I wouldn’t let them head out at 9pm on a school night.

My 12 year old is in bed already so I'd say it was too late 😀

Not unreasonable at all. There's no way I'd be letting my 12 year old head out at 8.45 on a school night. What time is his usual curfew?

I’m so glad I’m not alone I’m thinking that going out at that time is far too late. He doesn’t go to bed at 9 but at that time he’s winding down, having a bath and watching a film with DH and I. There’s also lots of much older teens that hang around in the park smoking/drinking and I wouldn’t be comfortable with knowing he’s out getting mixed up in stuff.

Normally 7pm/7.30pm unless he’s over a friends house or at an event.

Definitely too late in my opinion, especially on a miserable evening. I'd say in bed for 9.00pm, on a school night, and maybe allowed to read for a while, but hopefully asleep by 10.00pm. Whereas if he goes out at 8.45pm, he's unlikely to want to come in until, getting on for 10pm, and then will need time to get ready for bed, wind down, etc. probably won't sleep until 11pm. I don't think you are B U.

On a school night probably not however it's our summer holidays now and dd11 is out playing in our street, and yes - it's raining! If it's your holidays the answer would depend on the area and where they are going.

I’d be fine for him to play later in our street but the friend in question lives around a 15/20 minute walk away and that would leave DS walking home alone at 10pm in the dark.

It’s not ridiculous. It’s hammering down with rain here and having DS safe and warm at 9pm on a school night is not being ridiculous. It’s far too late for a 12 year old to head out.

Completely agree with you.

On a school night. What time is bed time in your house? For a 12 year old and what time would you allow them to play out till?

Not a chance in hell would my Y7 just be heading out for the night at 9pm on a school night. I’d be unashamedly judging the parents that allow it too.

My 8 year old is out playing just now. At 20 past 9. Will shout him in soon though.

Should mention we’re in Scotland and it’s the holidays here.

My DS is Y8, aged 13.

At this time of year, I ask him to be back by 9 latest on a school night, and 10 on weekends and holidays (while it is still light). He basically just goes and plays football locally with friends.

If he announced he was going out at 8.45 in the hammering rain on a school night, I'd be swiftly suggesting he rethink that.

Timings last year were slightly earlier, as I recall. There's a jump in maturity between year 7 and year 8, I think.