How late to let a 12 year old stay out

[DoodleDragonD]

DS (12) just had a friend call for him to come out to play (8.45pm) It’s pouring down and his friend was soaked. AIBU to think that it’s too late for DS to go out and for his friend to be out? DS had just had a bath and was in his PJs. He’s in year 7 in comp and quite a few of his new friends seem to be out all hours and left to their own devices a lot. What’s a normal curfew for a 12 year old? Is going out to play at nearly 9pm way too late?

What was that famous advert. It’s 10’O’clock, do you know where your children are?

so it is 10pm for me…. Til they are about 16!

Nearly 9pm is a ludicrous time to ask a child to come play out!

Even in the summer holidays!

I wouldn't expect my child of 12 to go out any later than 5 or 6pm and to be IN by 9pm! (In the summer holidays!) Most kids would out by lunchtime and in by 7pm surely!

School time, in for 7.30pm please. November to February, stay in after school, as it's dark by 4-5pm!

Successful because of her upbringing?

It's way too late for OP's son to go out to play football. If he'd already been out a couple of hours and was thinking about coming home, that's different.

PollencaCalling · Today 21:37

Allowing my 12 year old to play sport at 9pm along with the rest of her (12 year old) teammates was really irresponsible. I think not. Said 12 year old is now a 20 year old medical student. Somehow she survived her ‘ridiculous’ upbringing and is a lovely, smart and successful young lady. Must be a miracle!

Sooooo, you allowing your DD at 12 years old to go out at 9pm to play sport, has resulted in her being a successful, lovely, smart, young medical student?!! Errrrm OK.

Sorry to piggy back on your thread Doodle dragon but curious to find out if girls have a different curfew to boys here in the UK (I was kept under lock n key as a kid so I have nothing to measure against what it’s safe for my DD)

right now I’m too nervous to let her go anywhere herself (she’s 8) because of delinquent kids in the area

Thinking about this again, is it likely that this friend was playing with another who had a 8:30-8:45 curfew, and not having that themselves decided to try their luck with other friends? Eg this is the “normal” but the one with the most relaxed parents makes all the other kids think theirs are strict?

Different DC need different amounts of sleep/have different wake up times.

My DD needs a lot of sleep she goes to bed at 8pm and is up at 6.45pm. If she went to bed at 11pm - she'd not be fit for school.

My almost 14 year old turns his light out around 9. He doesn't have to but he loves his sleep. He can stay up later in the holidays/ weekends if he likes but I don't see the benefit if there's nothing to stay up for.

IMO children need consistency. Do what you think is right, not what others think you should be doing. Wandering the streets on a rainy night can't be fun for anyone. 12 is still young.

As for summer holidays, her curfew is "before dark" so around 8ish, but we negotiate on that depending on what's going on.

I think if he was already out, then in this time of year 10pm absolute latest. But I think to let him out at 9 would run the risk of him getting kind of excited and staying out more than an hour.
If he was in pyjamas then by default it's clearly too late. But I'd say most kids that age wouldn't be tucked up in bed by 10pm, in summer.

8.30 is late enough. Earlier in the winter.

My 12 year old is usually falling asleep by 10pm because he's so active during the day. School, clubs, constantly running around playing sports. They need some downtime.
I certainly wouldn't be letting him out at nearly 9pm in the pissing rain.
During the summer as a one off maybe.
12 is a weird age, some kids are very mature the second they hit senior school, others are still in junior mode. So I don't think it's a one size fits all approach really.
But yeah on a school night by 12 year old is never usually up after 10pm.

KS3 is a year of two halves you have those who go out in the evening for sports activities, play out till 7:30pmish then home for a shower, homework, read and bed for 10 and you have those that are hanging out with older teens, already drinking, smoking, running for county lines and having sexual relationships and generally getting up to no good with minimal supervision. You DS just needs to find the children like him and I'd be saying no to the boy or perhaps inviting him in for a hot chocolate to warm up and offering a lift home if he told his parents first.

My 14 year old would not have been allowed out at that time let alone a 12 year old, especially on a school night.

That's far too late for 5 years old. Bed by 7pm.
A 12 year old is just a child and should be in bed by 9pm, nevermind being out. I bet tour kid is one of those little chavs getting up to trouble, stealing Vapes and riding mopeds. A walking advert for someone to groom him for gangs.

I'd be happy for a 12 year old to play out close to home until 9ish on a school night. Not in the pouring rain though! Some of my kids friends were definitely allowed out later and parents were happy for them to roam around the neighbourhood in the evening. I wasn't and wanted to know where they were going and who with. Don't worry what others think about your house rules, just do what feels right for you and your kids.

Massive difference between being at a sports practice ar 9pm to wandering the streets at 9pm.

This, why on earth would a child that age be bed ready before 10?

That would be very difficult considering DD (I don’t even have a son - you’re really projecting an embarrassing amount here) is now all grown up and has turned out to be a lovely, sensible girl - just as she always has been. Just finished 2nd year medical school. You’ll be glad to know that drugs/alcohol/vapes have never been an issue for us, thank you very much.

I’m sorry to hear that your automatic perception of a 12 year old out at 9pm is so unpleasant, you may want to think about what leads you to think of children in this way. A very sad assumption and outlook on life in general in my opinion. Can’t quite understand why the fact that I allowed my DD out at riding club with her pony and friends on nice, light summer evenings offends you so much. Mentally and physically it was the best thing for her and kept her much less interested in ‘messing around’ than many of her peers.

I agree with you. My 12 year old wouldn't be going out at that time.

Maybe they want to be, mine had a bath and was in his pj's by 7 last night because he wasn't going anywhere

I put mine on as soon as I get back from work some days and I'm 46

I'm very up for kids being out but that's a time they come home, you don't go out at 9pm unless they're practically adults. On a weekend in summer I'd let my teenagers stay out after 9 until 10 ish, but because they have been out having fun for hours, they can't go out after 8pm

Paul Dillon https://darta.net.au/ is of the opinion that kids stay out the the hour of their year at school. Year 8 to 8 pm, year 9 to 9 pm.

This is what we went and it was great. It gave the decision making to an independent third party and when dd said “I will be allowed to stay until x time because …” a surprising number of her friends said “me too”.

Depends on the area you live . The kids out late here often get bikes stolen or harassed by older teens.
On a school night we have a bedtime that's sensible. Sleeps still important in the summer . Especially to function properly the next day in school

Home by 9pm on a school night is very reasonable as standard. A bit of flexibility with that is fine, but not heading out at 8:45 in heavy rain for no particular reason.