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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that kids on a residential should be allowed a couple of phone calls

145 replies

ftmni · 08/07/2024 20:11

Im not saying they should bring their phones, but a quick check in call with mum?

My dd is away on a school trip, a few of the mums who haven't sent their kids to it have said its because of the risk of SA.

To be totally honest i have these scary scenario thoughts every now and again, as much as i try not to, but that wasnt one until they said it. So now add that to my anxiety list!

But from a safety point of view, should they not be allowed to phone? Perhaps with a password that is only ever to be used in absolute emergencies.

I don't know just a thought.

Interested to know what others think

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/07/2024 20:25

PuttingDownRoots · 08/07/2024 20:21

SA from whom? Their own teachers? If they have so little trust why send them into class with these same adults everyday?

From their peers. Having mobile phones in the rooms is a risk factor because some children will do silly/dangerous/illegal things and encourage others to take part.

meltedchocolateandstrawberries · 08/07/2024 20:26

No, it'd probably make them homesick. I still remember calling my mum from a payphone (👵) when I was on a residential because I'd ran out of money. I was distraught afterwards, just wanted my mum after hearing her voice.

FuzzyStripes · 08/07/2024 20:27

No, I don’t think they should have phones or access to them. A phone is more likely to cause homesickness and a lot of upset to the children who don’t have anyone to speak to at the same time

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 08/07/2024 20:27

How good are your school at sending updates? I had many ,many worries about DD going (some stemming from my own experiences) but her teachers were so amazing at posting updates and pictures that it was really reassuring and she didn't feel so "far away".

The issue with phones is they can't and shouldn't take their own. They'd have to use a teacher's phone, that opens up a lot of issues. Ringing home is the best way to exacerbate home sickness so not ideal for kids, especially wobbly ones. Also, if one rings home, they will all want to ring home. Then you have tears and hysterical crying from 10/15 children.

Honestly, residential builds up so much independence ,resilience and social skills. They experience a lot, in a different format and it's great for them.

Bournetilly · 08/07/2024 20:28

I’m sure if they were upset they would let them phone home but it would be really hard to arrange phone calls for everyone/ monitor phone use.

Matronic6 · 08/07/2024 20:29

Absolutely not. It'd just make them homesick and emotional.

TwinklyLemur · 08/07/2024 20:29

Get 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 grip 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

LadyPenelope68 · 08/07/2024 20:29

I’m a Year 6 teacher who takes children on residential every year. Absolutely no phone calls is the right decision, just creates homesickness and causes problems. It’s parents who want the calls not the children. As for not sending their child because of “the risk of SA”, I’ve never heard such rubbish in the 20 years I’ve been teaching. Who do you think they’re at risk from? Think you and the rest of the parents need to get a grip and instead hope your child is having an amazing time and thank the teachers for giving up their time unpaid to take your children.

OhmygodDont · 08/07/2024 20:30

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 08/07/2024 20:27

How good are your school at sending updates? I had many ,many worries about DD going (some stemming from my own experiences) but her teachers were so amazing at posting updates and pictures that it was really reassuring and she didn't feel so "far away".

The issue with phones is they can't and shouldn't take their own. They'd have to use a teacher's phone, that opens up a lot of issues. Ringing home is the best way to exacerbate home sickness so not ideal for kids, especially wobbly ones. Also, if one rings home, they will all want to ring home. Then you have tears and hysterical crying from 10/15 children.

Honestly, residential builds up so much independence ,resilience and social skills. They experience a lot, in a different format and it's great for them.

Updates is quite funny. In a wow kinda way.

My children’s primary’s amazing.

My oldest however went abroad for a gcse trip
we had zero updates. Not that they had departed the uk, arrived at their hotel, was on their way back nothing zero. That felt a bit weird.

AquaFurball · 08/07/2024 20:30

Generations grew up without phones.

Best residential trip I recall, we all slept on the floor in sleeping bags for two nights in a hall, ate meals with classes from two other schools, panned for fools gold. Hiked there and back for 3 miles to the bus pick up point. We had 1 male teacher and 1 female teacher for twenty 10 year olds. No emergencies. No assaults. Even having mobiles now, there is no signal for most of that hike.

Coconutter24 · 08/07/2024 20:30

No. Your DC is probably too busy to even be thinking about calling you anyway lol. If there’s any emergencies or problems school will call you

newbeggins · 08/07/2024 20:31

Not at all.

It doesn't benefit the kids who need to focus on their experience and not what's happening at home.

Miffylou · 08/07/2024 20:31

No. If they have a problem they need to tell the teacher in charge. If your child phoned you and told you they had a problem you’d have to tell them to tell the teacher anyway, because you wouldn't be able to do anything about it yourself.

If children could phone home the homesick ones would get worse and all the ones who'd had a tiff with a friend or weren’t keen on the food provided would start complaining to their doting parents, some of whom would try to contact the teachers and would drive them up the wall.

Part of the value of residential trips is that whatever their age, it’s good for children to start being a bit independent and coping away from their families. And it’s good for them to learn they can survive without their phones for a few days.

Chickenuggetsticks · 08/07/2024 20:32

Ooooh I’d definitely want to hear from DD. But I think it would be confidence boosting not to have to be in touch with us for a few days. Probably best they don’t.

Floppysock · 08/07/2024 20:34

If your DD have their phone but don't call , what would that do for your anxiety?

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 08/07/2024 20:34

YABU. Residentials are all about starting to encourage a bit if independence. In this day and age I think it’s brilliant that they all get a period of enforced phone free time where they can develop their social skills. Plus the other points made above about the logistics of it for the staff. Time to loosen the apron strings a little OP.

LittleLittleRex · 08/07/2024 20:34

It would better assuage your anxiety to stop hanging out with ridiculous people who prevent their kids going on a school trip "in case of SA," than to get a phone call, tbh.

This is a you problem, not your kids problem

EmberAsh · 08/07/2024 20:35

I don't believe there are multiple parents not sending their children on a residential due to the risk of SA in your class/year group. If there are, there must be something that occurred previously to warrant such action.

Riversideandrelax · 08/07/2024 20:35

When I went on my Y6 residential the school got the parents to write their DC a letter that they took with them then we had to write to our parents while away!

HungryLittleCrocodile · 08/07/2024 20:35

YANBU at all! I was the same when mine went on school trips. No phones were allowed - though it was the mid noughties then, and mobiles were very basic. My DC didn't even have one but several other kids did. I was worried sick as they hadn't been away for more than one night before, and I had easy contact when they did. I didn't even have a contact number. I had to trust in the teachers to look after my DC, and think 'no news is good news!'

They'll be OK @ftmni and so will you. Smile

Get used to it now, as when they're at uni they make fuck-all contact! 😆

Hope you're OK ... Smile Honestly your DC will be fine. Probably having a ball right now!

BarcardiWithGadaffia · 08/07/2024 20:36

No wonder the younger generation struggle with resilience and independence.

Just no

Wolfiefan · 08/07/2024 20:38

Definitely NOT. If there are any problems you have to trust the staff to deal with them. If there is an emergency then contact can be allowed. But they are busy having a great time and can’t factor in time for 30 kids to faff about trying to call someone. You need to deal with your own anxieties and let go. It’s not good for you or your child otherwise.

Waitingfordoggo · 08/07/2024 20:39

It’s really insulting that the parents don’t think the teachers capable of risk assessment and safeguarding- a very important part of their job that most teachers take very seriously and do very well.

No to phone calls home for all the reasons already given. When my children went on residential and camps, I was the one that was anxious and longing to hear their voices- they were busy having a whale of a time and not missing me at all- which is exactly as it should be (my anxiety and missing them was my issue to deal with and not something to burden my kids or their teachers with!)

FTPM1980 · 08/07/2024 20:40

Really?
Multiple mums have refused to send kids on a school trip because of the risk of sexual assault?
I smell troll. If that was a genuine concern I would be refusing my child to go to school at all.

I have never known a school trip refuse a child to call home if needed. I have friends who have had calls at 2am from a teacher just so the kid can say hello.

They absolutely should not have their own phones in primary. They would have to ask. If they can ask for a phone they can also report any issues. In secondary, on trips more than two days they have taken phones and can use them.

Floppysock · 08/07/2024 20:41

Forgive me, but is SA sexual assault or something else? There are multiple parents not sending DC on a school organised trip because they think sexual assault is a real risk?