Can't afford to get engaged

[Feelslikewereonlygoingfaster]

My partner of 4 years wants us to be committed but I just don't think we're in a good financial position.
I know the heading sounds a bit stupid but I just know he wants to get married and have kids.
We live in a studio flat and I earn minimum wage, I don't see myself ever earning more or doing better.
He keeps saying I wouldn't need to worry about wedding costs etc. But I just don't know.

You can have a marriage without having an expensive wedding.

Eh? Being engaged literally means intending to get married. It costs absolutely nothing. And if you want to be married you can do that for very little.

It's big weddings and parties that cost money. And they are optional.

Being engaged costs nothing at all.

eh? getting engaged is free. Getting married is as simple as popping down to the registration office (I did that). what cost are you talking about esp in relation to getting engaged???? you don't have to get engaged. Just marry.

Engagement is the cost of the ring.

Weddings can be as cheap as you want. Buy your dress from charity shop/Vinted, registry office and pub afterwards. Ask guests to take photos

I think it's largely the expectation of kids.
I earn minimum wage on a 0 hours contract and my partner earns about 28k. I just don't think we're in the right situation for it.

well do YOU want to get married? You say he does but don’t mention your thoughts other than a worry about your financial situation which you can’t see changing.

Being engaged to be married doesn't cost anything.
Getting married can cost next to nothing if you don't want a ceremony, register office do the paperwork job done.

I don't understand what this has to do with getting engaged. Have kids in a few years.

Can you afford to get married? Absolutely. Signing the papers costs less than £100.
Can you afford kids? Probably not.
If you're not going to have kids is there any point to getting married? Only you can answer that

Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children?

Getting engaged is free.
Would you marry me?
Yes.

Ta-da. Engaged.

Ok so you're not in a financial position to have kids. I think I you're being wise.
Regardless of if you want kids/ marriage - what are you doing to improve your financial situation? Upskilling/ applying for promotions/ moving jobs for a pay rise?

Getting married costs about £100. It’s not compulsory to have kids if you get married. Do you want them?

I (now) earn minimum wage in the NHS, my husband earns about £30k. We are married and have kids and we're doing alright. We didn't even have a small cheap wedding. We saved up for what we wanted. Sounds more like you're finding reasons not to get married to him tbh. You can get engaged and married for as little or as much as you want to spend.

Getting engaged costs nothing. "Will you?" "Yes" "Great we're engaged".
Getting married can cost whatever you'd like, small registry office wedding e.g. or elopement!

I think you need to ask yourself where you see the relationship going, do you want to go that way?

And then also ask yourself: We live in a studio flat and I earn minimum wage, I don't see myself ever earning more or doing better. why don't you ever see yourself earning more or doing better? Value yourself better.

What's holding you back?

You sound like your own worse enemy as you’ve put yourself down and holding yourself back.

We got engaged, no party and just a ring and not a stupidly expensive one either, but one I was happy to wear. Wedding, went off on holiday, queued at the Town Hall, paid $50 and job done. No debt, no hassle, just us making a commitment to sharing our lives, which is how it should be. Marriage has become a ridiculous production for many and you've a partner who wants to share his life with you, so go on, do it and life is not Instagram, but it is about grabbing opportunities and not worrying about what ifs, but making the best of what is!

We got engaged, no engagement ring (ever), got married in reg office for under £100. Think wedding ring cost about £40. No regrets, apart from the fact that having scrimped and saved on everything and worked our arses off, that Starmer now sees us as cash cows.

There’s no salary requirement for a marriage.
And there is no requirement to have children immediately or at all because you’re married.

You don’t need any amount of money to get engaged, you can just decide you are and as others have said marriage can be very cheap too.

If the expectation of children is your worry then you need to speak to him about that x

We live in a studio flat and I earn minimum wage, I don't see myself ever earning more or doing better.

Why on earth not? FGS, have more self-worth than that. You can achieve great things if you want to.

My partner says we'd manage fine with 1 child as we'd be entitled to support, and we also have a lot of support from his parents.
He says there's never a perfect time, but I don't know.

Money doesn't have much to do with getting married. Local registry and some nice inspensive rings unless you envisioned whole white wedding thing.

It is important to be on the same page and discuss timelines.
We would get married.
If you both want kids - what kind of time line and changes on lifestyle to afford to have a child
How split bills and make money decisions

I do think your sensible thinking about the cost of children and having a good environment for them. There is nothing stopping you both perhaps getting second jobs or qualifications and improving things on the financial front.