To ask what people mean when they say ‘leave the housework’…

[Rainbowsponge]

… in the context of managing a new baby, or having small children in general.

Which tasks are supposed to be neglected/low proirity?

Anything that doesn't involve hygiene

All you need is to be hygienic: bathing and cooking areas spotless, baby‘s sheet and clothes and burp cloths clean, bins emptied on schedule.

Instead of changing your sheet and towels once a week, do it when you have time. Let the washing pile up if needed. No gardening or unnecessary diy.

Ironing, frequency of hoovering / mopping, more infrequent tasks like cleaning windows, washing clothes after one wear (unless you’ve got something on them), touching up paintwork, dusting in areas you can’t see…

But it all involves hygiene doesn’t it? Clean kitchen and bathroom, clean clothes, clean/hoovered floors for a crawling baby

Have clean:
Something to sleep in/on
Something to eat/drink from
Something to wear
Somewhere to clean yourself
The rest will fall into place as baby gets older.

Or get a sling and house work with baby riding around in it.
This is for a newborn right?

I have to admit to being a bit bemused because I didn’t count painting, DIY, gardening etc as ‘housework’ anyway. We basically never do things like that!

I think this sort of advice is all well and good for a few difficult or stressful days at a time. Not so much for longer than that. I mean most of us aren't doing housework for fun, if you can go weeks or months without doing something then why do it more frequently?

In which case you’ll just carry on as you were 🤷‍♀️

Yes but MIL constantly tells me the reason I’m a stressed working mum of 2 under 4 is because I need to relax about the housework etc. Yet if I skip a few days hoovering, don’t wash up immediately and leave hairs in the sink she pulls a face when she comes in. So I’m wondering whether people actually mean it and if so what tasks they’re referring to because I can’t think of any I do that aren’t necessary!

So I’m wondering whether people actually mean it

Your MIL doesn't mean it. The rest of us do.

Different people have different ideas of clean though

If you are vacuuming every day or washing sheets and towels more than once very few weeks , then you are doing a lot more cleaning than many people who don't get ill from a little dusty

You don't need clean outer clothes every day u less baby sicked on your T-shirt

The deep corners of the house can go a year without being unhygienic , same for the windows and doors ( expect perhaps the toilet door handle )

Probably hasn’t occurred to her to tell her darling son to do more/all of the housework. That would help standards.

We hoover once a week (then use the hand held for quick hoovering specific messes). I have 3 dc and a dog (he doesn’t moult much - we vacuumed more when we had cats and their tumble weed fur).

The windows can be left, the skirting isn't going to cause an international incident, pillows don't have to be karate chopped (or whatever is the trend at the moment, I don't really care), bedlinen doesn't need to be ironed (DP took that notion on when his DD was born - she's now 14) - you just need

Clean kitchen surfaces
Washing up so you can always find a mug for tea and a plate for sandwich you're going to eat one handed/you can get the kettle under the tap rather than have the sink full of stuff 'soaking' (festering)
Clean bathroom sink/toilet/bath
Bins emptied
Vacuum cleaner pushed around (preferably by somebody else)
Clean clothes
Clean bedding is the only one I would still want of the things other people are saying to leave, as sleeping in the smell of sour milk isn't that much fun.

I couldn’t leave anything. I’d hate it. Only Takes a few minutes when you do it everyday.

The things I left were hoovering stairs, cleaning windows, dusting high and low, anything resembling 'deep cleaning' tidying up of anything that wasn't in the way, sorting cupboards, keeping on top of the low use areas like spare room, ironing (never resumed this! Very liberating.) Cooking more elaborate meals, we ate a lot of cold foods. The things I did was keep the babies clothes and equipment clean and the kitchen and bathroom and hoovered the sitting room.

I think it’s the calm down your standards. Don’t worry if the beds not changed, the floor doesn’t need mopping every week, hoovering every day (apparently it’s a thing), changing towels after a shower.

A bit of dust and muck won’t hurt anyone, but raw chicken is a hazard!

This used to really annoy me when people said it when my DCs were born. It was as if housework was a silly, optional hobby of mine which could easily be dropped. You can stop doing some things for a while, but they don’t go away and you eventually end up with the house in a state, which is depressing. The last thing you need when tiredness and PND is depressing enough.

Instead of being told not to do stuff, women with new borns should be told that someone will be doing it for them. I am sure that most women have enough adults around them who would be capable of taking over the housework. And yet, they usually don’t. At least not in this country nowadays.

Until the baby’s mobile, the state of your floor is neither here nor there.

For me it was not minding how tidy things were, lots of quick and easy meals (including ready meals), no ironing, making sure the sink, toilet and kitchen counters were clean but not so worried about anything else.

The first few months were pretty full on, so we lived in a declared state of emergency until things settled. I frequently went out to the shops only to to discover the baby had spat up down my shoulder or something.

@PinotDragon ‘s list is good.

I would saying that not having your MIL living rent-free in your head as a kind of super-ego figure should be your first step. Or give her a mop and the Hoover as soon as she comes in. If there's an MIL, presumably there's also a husband, so he does half? Is he sitting about worrying about his mother's expression in relation to how recently he's vacuumed?

Personally, I virtually never do any housework. We have a cleaner who also changes bed linen and ironing. DH does the cooking. I throw on an occasional wash, bake bread, and garden.

Tell your mil to get her son to pull his weight .
If you can afford it get a robot vac .
Again if you can afford it get cooker liners , it makes cleaning the cooker much easier.
Aa pp said only wash bedding , towels, adults cloths when needed not out of habit .

This. if she 'pulls a face' or gives any other suggestion that she's judging, tell her she's welcome to push the vacuum round, wash up or pull hairs out of the sink.

You've been too busy/tired to do it, so if it bothers her, she can sort it. Job done.

I think it’s just something people say, in a kind way, so new mums don’t feel like they need to do a full clean with a baby that’s a few days old.
I just did the basics like gave kitchen and bathroom a quick clean, did a quick hoover, I didn’t dust or clean the oven.

I would leave stuff like tidying, or less important cleaning. I would try to keep on top of dishes and laundry etc. but I didn’t bother ironing or dusting.

I had minimum daily cleaning that I never skipped on. One wash, dry and put away every day, plus hoovering, wiping down kitchen surfaces. Bathroom clean weekly. Beds changed fortnightly. Shopping weekly.

Basically the rest got left unless I'd had a good sleep and was feeling particularly motivated. Then I'd maybe mop, dust etc. cupboards skirting board and that sort of thing didn't get done for ages!