To ask what people mean when they say ‘leave the housework’…

[Rainbowsponge]

… in the context of managing a new baby, or having small children in general.

Which tasks are supposed to be neglected/low proirity?

I don’t need a baby to operate on that level!

He does, she pulls the faces at both of us! He does more than me if anything, it’s just this phrase is usually said to mums..

Yet if I skip a few days hoovering, don’t wash up immediately and leave hairs in the sink she pulls a face when she comes in.
Then you have a MIL problem. My MIL always says "I came to see you, not to check the dust on doorframes" if i apologise for the squallor.

Yes, but the thing is, what you do count as a 'clean' kitchen and a 'clean' bathroom?

I'd say that for basic hygiene, you just need to wipe down worktops and the hob in the kitchen, stick a bit of bleach down the loo and give the washbasin/bath a quick wipe. Those things take 30 seconds to do on a regular basis. You don't need to be polishing mirrors and taps, wiping smudges off cupboard doors or scrubbing down walls, though.

Clean clothes? Yeah, you and the baby need some. Doesn't mean you have to iron them, though. Also doesn't mean that the sky will fall in if a pile of clean washing doesn't get put away for a couple of days.

By all means give the floor a quick wipe if you've got a crawling baby, but you don't need to be slogging away with a mop and bucket. Basically, by 'leave the housework' they mean 'it really doesn't matter what the place looks like, as long as the bare basics are done'.

I genuinely don’t understand how I can do my housework in just a few minutes a day. In ‘a few minutes’ I can hoover one room. So over a week, I can hoover most rooms- but not all. And I still won’t have done any mopping, dusting or cleaning bathrooms. Please explain what you mean as I would certainly like to just do a few minutes a day.

Get a cleaner (preferably one who changes sheets and washes dishes).
Keep the public rooms downstairs tidy but don't so much about upstairs.
Look back in 10 years and be amazed how much you could do when they were little and wonder why you seem to have even less time now then remember you've hosted 3 'gatherings' this month none of which were for your friends so you've had all the prep-work but none of the fun plus you've attended multiple concerts of school children performances plus the usual round of pre and post school activities plus you've been sorting out the garden at the weekends and you work longer hours than when they were small because this is suppose to be the easy stage and for the first time ever you look back at the baby stage and think how easy it was when nobody rlse had any expectations of you beyond keeping a small child alive and doing some housework.

Sorry, got abit distracted there. Cleaner, that's what you need.

Do you not have an able bodied husband who is capable of hoovering, pulling hairs out of plugs, washing up, etc?

If your MIL pulls a face, tell her there are two grownups in the house, and unless she thinks there's a house fairy who takes care of all the 70,001 stupid little things that have to get done, her son is equally responsible for anything she finds amiss.

Basically, tell her to save her pulled face for your H. Or roll up her sleeves and muck in..

It's really rude of her to pass any kind of remark or make a face.

I know when you mean OP. All the ‘the washing can wait’…erm well it’ll just pile up and DH and I will have more to do? I always tried to keep on top of housework with babies and small kids so it didn’t feel like a massive catch up job!

Some actually manage, like the MIL, presumably.

It just means whatever housework you do do it less often I think. If your baby sleeps a lot you can still get things done tbh

I have a three and five year old. Are there places in my house that could do with a good dusting? Yes. Do I occasionally find a grubby handprint that has gone unnoticed for days or weeks? Yes. Are there occasionally crumbs on the counter all day? Yes.
Our house is functionally tidy, everything has a home, and it’s hygienic but not spotless. That’ll do.

I remember being critiqued by MIL who just managed. Turns out her babies were being left to cry whilst she did housework so no wonder she managed better than me.

I found it hard to rest when the place looked like a shit hole .

Well it's all relative isn't it. I started off pretty relaxed slovenly about housework anyway (never ironed before kids, never ironed after!) so this advice wasn't much use to me. My house proud friend whose 'essential' housework routine pre-kids included wet dusting her whole house including skirting boards every day, hoovering under the sofa weekly, couldn't stand a smear mark on her windows or walls, ironing every item down to tea towels etc did find she had to relax her standards when she had toddlers as they were just too messy to keep up with (her house at peak toddler years was still a lot cleaner than mine pre-kids though!).

I do think there's quite a substantial middle ground between 'perfectly clean house' and 'health hazard' and some people do need to give themselves permission to let standards slip a bit even if they didn't start from a position of 'perfectly clean' in the first place. Perhaps it's about delaying or longer over tasks if there are days when you or the kids are sick or cranky, or waiting until you have help from your SO or family or whatever. Yes you want food and bottle preparation areas clean but the baby isn't going to suffer if there's a few crumbs on the worktop or pots soaking in the sink rather than immediately put away. So long as they have clothes to wear they won't mind if the laundry isn't immediately done. You probably do want to hoover areas the baby's crawling around but you don't need to do the whole house top to bottom including rooms they don't go in. That teetering stack of outgrown clothes and toys in the spare room does need sorting but not until Christmas when your MIL comes to stay so take a nap etc. I mean good on you if you're either easily on top of everything essential or so relaxed already you don't need the advice but lots of people do...

OPs already said though MIL pulls the face at both of them and that her DH does help out and does more than her

This. My advice would be to stop inviting your MIL if she's dust-shaming you. What a cow.

Task that could be skipped: Ironing, drying dishes instead of leaving them to dry, folding underwear, neatly making beds, changing bedding/towels more often than weekly, this type of things.

Well, you don't have to accept this. Ask your MIL why people who have vaginas are for some mystifying reason responsible for pulling hair out of plugholes -- is it because men's penises get in the way when they try?

I stopped doing the full house clean on a Saturday and, apart from my house not being clean on a Saturday, nothing has changed.

Probably about 30 minutes but not at once. Downstairs hoover takes about 7/8 minutes then I flash mop most days in the kitchen mainly. I clean the sinks and toilets either one at a time in the day or when I got to bed (4 toilets and 4 sinks ) about 10 minutes. I don’t hoover upstairs everyday but that takes about 10/12 minutes probably. I wipe all the kitchen surfaces as and when I’ve used them and do deep clean bathrooms and kitchen / utility once a week. ( probably about 2 hours in total but again in short bursts) I do at least one load of washing a day ( I put it on at bedtime on a timer so it’s done when I get up)

my kids are older now so I fit it in after the school run / before work / during lunch etc . When they were babies I used to wear them in a sling and toddlers I used to give them a sponge and let them ‘help’!

I mean... I genuinely did zero housework when I had a baby. My DH did some though, because he couldn't stand the mess after a while😂

I don't think people mean it and it always came from women with cleaners or spotless homes. Their idea of leaving cleaning is maybe like, not washing and putting away a plate and mug for a few hours, not dusting the skirting for a few weeks...
Housework would snowball quickly, it's easier to stay on top of it with a daily blitz of 20 to 30 minutes. Even if I could nap for half an hour it doesn't even touch the sides of my sleep deprivation in fact it feels like torture to have to wake up so soon so no, this is lipservice nonsense.

I used to get so annoyed when people said stuff like that. I'm not cleaning the toilet for fun, and the laundry doesn't wash itself.

Honestly I think it's something people say that sounds encouraging and supportive but means nothing unless they are actually planning to hoover the hall and put the bin out for you.

Oh and I often think it means "Stop what you're doing and sit down to chat with me over a cup of tea. I will ask about the baby a bit, and then shite on about myself as usual."

Tell her she's welcome to do it for you.