Work/travel opportunity. H thinks IABU

[CatFanDogFan]

I’ve been offered an incredible work opportunity for next year. 4 days work in a bucket list location with 2-3 days off between working.

My youngest is in primary school (11) so I talked to H, explained how exciting this could be, and asked if he could take that time of work (usually I work part time and WFH so I’m always the one to do school drop offs and pick ups, and I’m always the one who deals with illness, appointments and all other child related surprises. H works full time)

He’s acting really put out about it, and his main reason is “it’s in February, I don’t want to take time off when it’s likely to be shit weather just to stay at home with dc”. He thinks I’m putting him in a really difficult situation. I think he’s being a sulky manchild who is shirking his responsibility as a father.

YABU - I shouldn’t expect to travel for work when I have a young child.
YANBU - he’s a dick.

A week off work in February sounds quite nice, no dreary commutes in pouring rain, days are getting a little longer so it's not dark by 3.30 pm, he could perhaps go for a walk with DS after school, or go to a café for a snack or fast food place once or twice.
How about an early evening film show?
He can go out for coffee midmorning or a mooch around a sports shop or leisure centre. Try out a new gym.
He can meet a mate for a pub lunch (just the one pint, mind!) or he can think about starting a project of some kind. There are lots of possibilities .

It's incredible that so many men's jobs are so inflexible isn't it. Almost as if they won't ask for very basic short term amendments women have to negotiate every single day.

The time of year, how he spends his time, the weather, should have zero consideration!

And don’t ask his permission to go! He’s your husband not your boss.

@CatFanDogFan can your hubby not take a week off with your child and go with you anway???

Isn’t it just.

The logistics of the job aren’t great, but it’s very male dominated and I suppose there’s never been the need for any real amount of flexibility.

He’d probably take a week off for that, but I’m very ready for a break from him!

WTAF?

I’ve been working full time since DD was 6 months old and away from home 50% of the time since she was 10.

Your husband sounds like an idiot.

But the employer doesn’t have to agree those dates if it doesn’t work for them.

If he says yes there’ll be months of guilt trips ahead.

I'm so sorry OP. Time to consider your options. And certainly not time to refuse any work.

I've just been away for a week for work and told my husband I would be away.
I batch cooked but left them to it.
I'd be furious in your position.
Why is his job more important than yours?

You’re doing it.
So he can either take the week off or find a way to get his DC to school and back every day.

If he starts moaning/guilt tripping you then I’d just reply with “you’ll be fine” or “you’ll cope” etc.
I wouldn’t even get into a huge discussion about it.

Most partners would be happy for their partner and trying to make it easier for them.

Make it a permanent break then.

My wife went overseas for a week and work let me take a day off over the week, which meant I got in half an hour late and left an hour early each day and could solo parent quite easily. He's being an arse if he won't help find a way.

Why would she want to take her husband and child on a work trip? I travel really frequently for work and wouldn't dream of doing this- it's massively unprofessional and when you work away there are often evening things and you don't have any free time. Also it sounds like it's term time. And perhaps OP would quite like a week of not being a default parent- that's rather the point of the thread, no?

I don't batch cook, I don't do anything extra. It's not needed if you have an equal partnership.

It's been said OP but he's an arse. When I travel DP sorts it out with his work, like an adult. Tell him you're going, and he is sorting it out. And then do what else you have to do about it all.

I'd be telling him you are going. This is so unfair.

I'd point out to him that you have spent the past 11 years facilitating his career by doing all pick ups/drop offs, caring for child when ill, managing when he needs to go on trips. Etc . If he can't support you 1 time then it really shows how little respect he has for you.

7 days is hardly a big deal at all. He really shouldn’t be making this hard in any way.

I agree with a few comments about alternative arrangements could be done for DS though if all he needs is dropping and picking from school there might be another solution. But maybe that is for DH to think about if he is that bothered about not taking the time off.

I see his point if he feels like a whole week off just to drop a high school age kid to school is over kill but if there really is no other transport then needs must and he should suck it up.

Just accept the trip and leave him to sort out the logistics at home as that’s what any man would do without a second thought

He is bellyaching over 7 DAYS???? I thought at first it would be permanent. Take the job OP. Don’t ask, tell him. what a selfish prat.
Congratulations on the offer - you must be a good employee.

If it was him working away would you refuse to look after your child

No! In fact the times he has worked away (rare) all he has to do is give me the dates and that’s it. He doesn’t have to make sure I know everything, doesn’t have to leave lists so I know how to feed the dog, which clothes need to be washed and dried and for when, he doesn’t have to check if there are any appointments he needs to take dc to, or extra curricular activities.

Taking time off would/should be zero issue at all. TBH though I’m sick of not being able to do anything without several months notice, and even then have sulks and moods because of it. I’m sick of it.

Feb .. is it not half term? No need for school runs at all

Why does he need to book the week off? Can your 11 year old not get themself to school? I'm presuming year 6, so very able to do this. Ours are all expected to travel to school independently to lrep for secondary when will be getting the bus on their own.
Or can you book into breakfast club/after school club and hopefully DH will be finished work by then

It’s before half term.
Half term would present more problems because heaven forbid he’d take time off when other children might be out and about! As it is he’s ignoring it. Half term would be a flat no, and he’d consider me very selfish, weirdly.

What a selfish dick he is!

I don’t think I can keep doing this.