Work/travel opportunity. H thinks IABU

[CatFanDogFan]

I’ve been offered an incredible work opportunity for next year. 4 days work in a bucket list location with 2-3 days off between working.

My youngest is in primary school (11) so I talked to H, explained how exciting this could be, and asked if he could take that time of work (usually I work part time and WFH so I’m always the one to do school drop offs and pick ups, and I’m always the one who deals with illness, appointments and all other child related surprises. H works full time)

He’s acting really put out about it, and his main reason is “it’s in February, I don’t want to take time off when it’s likely to be shit weather just to stay at home with dc”. He thinks I’m putting him in a really difficult situation. I think he’s being a sulky manchild who is shirking his responsibility as a father.

YABU - I shouldn’t expect to travel for work when I have a young child.
YANBU - he’s a dick.

No children allowed sadly.

We’ve gone on work trips with DH before 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am furious but he’s projecting it all back to me as if I’m being selfish.

Start getting ds used to going to school alone or with a friend. He’ll be 12 or nearly, most children that age walk to school or make their way independently. Is there a homework club/activity he can do? Your Dh is being a shit parent.

A one-off I think you are not being unreasonable.

His workplace is being unreasonable in not agreeing to a change in hours for one week.

A week? Looking after one 11 year old?

You're really not asking for much.

Tell him (DH not DS) to person the fuck up and work it out: Persuade job to let him do compressed hours or work from home (yes, I know you said not possible, but has he actually bloody asked?) Wrap around care? Friend or grandparent staying with them? Exciting holiday of their own?

This shouldn't even be a question. It should be an announcement. If he's like this I'm assuming he's done fuck all in the past 11 years.

7 days with an 11yo, bloody hell, he should be perfectly capable of that ffs.

@SuncreamAndIceCream and @BingoMarieHeeler I assumed you meant OP takes DC alone. Yes, if DH was going too I suppose it could work (if children were allowed, which they aren't).

However, two things; why does DH get a lovely holiday for being an arsehole? And, many of these trips have long hours of socialising with colleagues or working. The DH sounds like one who would kick off. Number 3 is that when someone brings their unpleasant H with them (it's happened to me once) I assume controlling/violent.

4 days work in a bucket list location with 2-3 days off between working.

I dont understand this. Is it 2 days work then 2 days off then 2 days work?

Where is it?

His workplace aren’t being unreasonable, it’s the nature of the job. It’s the hours he does or book the time off. He can’t WFH.

DH works in investment banking and manages when I have to travel for work (no outside help, 2 primary age DC). He sometimes takes half the day off and works 10-3 so he can do the school runs but not have to use a full day of holiday. Could that be an option?

7 days there including flights, 4 days work, but spread out, with quite a bit of time off in between, so plenty of time to explore.

Yanbu at all
but I don’t understand why he has to take a week off.
surely the child can get himself to school at that age with a bit of prior training? And you could arrange for him to go to friends’ houses if your dh can’t get home quick enough. Reasonable for him to take a couple of extra days off but I don’t think a week is necessary and presumably could be better used when your dc has holidays.

What?? He is being a selfish, jealous, unreasonable dickhead.

He is capable. He’s a hands on dad.
He’s annoyed because he’s feeling forced to take time off when it’s likely to be cold so not worth taking time off.
I mean, I’d love my booked holiday times to be when is convenient for me instead of carefully worked around holidays and available care to be convenient for ds.

He’s being a dick, possibly jealous/ controlling.

if he absolutely refuses I think I’d find myself being a very unaccommodating dw in future.

Does he go away for hobbies or with friends & stag dos?

I worked in an industry that had a huge five day trade event every other Sept. When DS was in nursery, DH would take the week off so it wasn't too much stress doing the full time parenting and working. I honestly do not see why your DH would not facilitate this for you. It's mean, spiteful and selfish.

One week? Is he serious? Honestly it'd be easier to be single and make plans than deal with a man baby as well as a child

Would you do it for him?

he’s being a total dick.

loads of Mums travel for work including when their kids are babies and their partners support their careers. They even support them traveling for fun, too! Give him short shrift, OP, and definitely make sure you go. Don’t feel guilty while you’re away either.

He wouldn’t be able to shorten his work hours at all, so with a commute would be out between 6.30am and 6pm, which is too long for ds.

He hasn’t booked any time off yet next year.
His work may also allow unpaid time off, which my pay for the week would more than cover. It’s the likelihood of crap weather that’s his issue.

Of course I would!
He not a terrible father, but I think he’s had years of taking it for granted that someone else is there to do the inconvenient child stuff.

I think if the trip was in summer he wouldn’t have a problem, it seems to be a winter element, pointless to take time off for this kind of thing.

It's 7 days and your DH is upset? He's an utter dick who doest want to parent. I thought it was for the whole year! Go!!

My DH took a 12hr flight for a 10 day trip, I was 20wks pregnant and also had another DC. I survived 🤣 he's being a knob